what would you do?

if you thought your husband quit smoking over 6-7 years ago and then found a pack of ciggarettes and then found out he never really quit?

I'm in this situation...and we just discussed it...but it still bothers me ALOT

smoking has always bee na big issue for me and I told him that I would not date a smoker. He told me he would quit for me and I was under the impression that he had until today. THEN after I ask him not to lie to me ...he says he never really quit, he just cut down!!!

i would be completely shocked/mad/upset, etc....BUT... a guy's reasoning is usually 'because i didn't want you to get mad'...SO - i wouldn't flip out & get angry. I would stay calm, but tell him that I'm extremely hurt and can not BELIEVE that he's lied to me for the past 6years.. This way he feels safe to be honest with you in the future(ie: u not flipping out), but knows that he really screwed up. Also, after the anger/upsetment subsides a little, I would encourage him & support him(to quit that is). It is not an easy thing to do..and he probably HAS cut back being that it's been 6years and u've never noticed - u know? He needs to know that u're there for him and not just angry & 'well u need to quit'... DEFINETLY make it apparent that you're hurt, but also prove to him that he CAN be honest with you & that u will support him.. hth i'm so sorry u're dealing with this...my family has all smoked for years so i've been through the ups & downs and it can be frustrating.. just keep encouraging him!

Tough situation.
My DH is an ex-smoker. Just quit three weeks ago for about the 4th time since we've been together. I can't stand smoke, although I grew up with it and smoked myself.
DH would not smoke in the house or in my car, although he did in his car and it really pi$$ed me off that I would smell like an ashtray.

I never nagged him about it, just told him that it was bad for me too and I wanted him to be around for a while.
What got him this time is the nasty commercials on TV - the one that shows the actual blockage of the airways with cancer.

You can't really nag your husband. He has to be the one to make the decision to quit. At the very least, he was very careful around you and never smoked in your presence.
Perhaps you can support him to quit the habit ?

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Posted by Mici n KC

How did you not know he didn't quit completely? You can taste it.

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thats what freaks me out the most. I know he craves it when he drinks and like on the honeymon he smoked cigs because he was drinking so much. and if i ever suspect him of sneaking one i tell him to breathe on me and I can usually tell when he has smoked ciggs. BUT he also smokes...other stuff...so it's not out of the question for his breath to smell like that ...usually i can tell the difference but maybe he rinsed his mouth before coming to me.

did he never quit at all or did he buy the pack while out drunk one night? I wouldnt be so mad if it was just to have a cigarette here or there.

I used to smoke and every one in a while I will have one or a buy pack b/c I was drunk.

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Posted by jtgarsik

i would be completely shocked/mad/upset, etc....BUT... a guy's reasoning is usually 'because i didn't want you to get mad'...SO - i wouldn't flip out & get angry. I would stay calm, but tell him that I'm extremely hurt and can not BELIEVE that he's lied to me for the past 6years.. This way he feels safe to be honest with you in the future(ie: u not flipping out), but knows that he really screwed up. Also, after the anger/upsetment subsides a little, I would encourage him & support him(to quit that is). It is not an easy thing to do..and he probably HAS cut back being that it's been 6years and u've never noticed - u know? He needs to know that u're there for him and not just angry & 'well u need to quit'... DEFINETLY make it apparent that you're hurt, but also prove to him that he CAN be honest with you & that u will support him.. hth i'm so sorry u're dealing with this...my family has all smoked for years so i've been through the ups & downs and it can be frustrating.. just keep encouraging him!

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I basically told him that it really hurts me that he's lying to me and that it's no longer baby ********. We're married now and lying is a much bigger deal now. I told him I don't ***** to him about smoking just to ***** and that I do it because I love him and I want him to be around for a long time...and with his father's recent health issue I can't believe that he would still smoke!

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Posted by Soon2beAlberti

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Posted by Mici n KC

How did you not know he didn't quit completely? You can taste it.

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thats what freaks me out the most. I know he craves it when he drinks and like on the honeymon he smoked cigs because he was drinking so much. and if i ever suspect him of sneaking one i tell him to breathe on me and I can usually tell when he has smoked ciggs. BUT he also smokes...other stuff...so it's not out of the question for his breath to smell like that ...usually i can tell the difference but maybe he rinsed his mouth before coming to me.

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DH did this to me once and he was caught. He had quit smoking for 9 months and then started up again but he didn't tell me. I found out right away and he couldn't believe it. No matter how hard he brushes his teeth or rinses his mouth, it will still be there.

To answer your question, I would be very angry and upset that he lied to me. If you haven't already just explain you are not trying to be a nag. He will quit, just don't force it on him.

Well I obviously dont like the lying....BUT as a smoker (who has cut down, and has tried to quit ) I know how hard it is. You said he smoked on the honeymoon and when he drinks he smokes...so you did know about that. I would be angry, but as a smoker I know just how evil the addiction is....it will make an honest person lie, believe me I dont lie to DH about it he knows I smoke, but I can see how someone might. It is embarssing to be a smoker and I think he didnt want to let you down since you thought he quit...Im sorry its a tricky situation

I am not a smoker and never have been, I think that it is very hard to quit.. however... I think that the lying isn't right.. but like a PP said, he didn't want to get you mad. I would hope that he is honest and that you both can move past this with out underlining issues..

DH did this. He was a smoker when we met and I cannot STAND cigarette smoke and he knew that. He quit smoking (or at least I thought so) but then he admitted to smoking during work and when he went out. I was annoyed but not angry. I know its not an easy thing to do. He finally quit completely though about 2 years ago and now he cant even stand to be around cigarette smoke either. I guess all you can do is be supportive and help him quit