ok, I have a big dilemma, at least starting this year. DH and me decided to spend our first christmas and new years together and that's what we did last year; this year's decision is not looking good. We live in Miami, my parents live in NY and his parents just move to Orlando a month ago (that's another story). So DH told me he does not want to go to NY I guess because his parents are so close right now. My mom is expecting us for the holidays there because we did not spend them together last year, and the truth is his family does not really celebrate; plus only his parents are here in florida, his sisters stayed in NY and are never coming down for the holidays they said. I'm very upset, he is not saying it but he is thinking about spending the holidays with his parents only and not spend the money to go to NY, that's very selfish. I knew it was going to be a tough decision but it's even worst now since his parents moved all of a sudden; at leat if they were in NY we had the chance to be with both families.
wc0143
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Xmas Eve my family comes over Xmas Day his family comes over
usuk2004
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Well, last year we spent Christmas here in London and this year we're going to NY.
Can your mom come down to visit you? Or would you consider traveling on Christmas day...spending either the eve or the day with your family and the opposite with his family?
AnnBrunoXO
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Is there a way for you both to split the holidays. Maybe spend Christmas Eve/ Christmas Day in New York and then travel back for New Year's?
This could be an option and if you buy the tickets now - you can find them somewhat discounted.....
Kelly9904
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Ours isnt so bad our parents live 30 minutes apart so we see both on christmas eve and both on christmas day (his family gets the majority of eve, my family day) Anyway in your case I would see if he would be willing to spend christmas day with your famil and see his sisters and then new years with his parents. If money is his issue compromise by lowering the amount you will spend on gifts this year.
didianita
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
thanks girls. That's why I'm worrying now, so we can buy tickets if we are going to NY, and they are expensive even now; we should make them worth and stay for both holidays but that will be selfish from my part. we are going to Orlando this weekend so maybe we can ask his parents what they think about the holidays this year; who knows if they are going to be in town or if they are planning on going to NY.
May2004
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
We try to split it up.
This was our 1st year married and we did this:
Thanksgiving - parent's Christmas Eve - parent's Christmas Day - parent's New Years Eve - parent's New Years Day - parent's Easter - parent's Mothers' Day - parent's and parent's desert Fathers' Day - parent's and the day before we had a BBQ with my parent's
Monkeybride
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
So far its been with in laws and my mom comes with. I think once our baby is 2 years old we will have people start traveling to us. That's for xmas.
All others we usually stay here in Colorado. Last year DH's family and my mom came to us for Thanksgiving. That was nice.
Janice
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
I hate his family, so I encourage him to go by himself because if he waits around for me he will never see them.
I wasted 9 years of holidays with ILs and now I am done.
DH says he does not want to leave me for holidays, I tell him I appreciate it, but I really don't mind. They are his family also. When we have kids I am not sure what is going to happen.
David'sbride
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Well we are interfaith, FH's sisters both live out of state and they are Jewish but both married Christians. All of our parents are retired and both of my SIL's and myself are teachers.
It comes down to this...
When is Hanukkah?
2003-- They celebrated Hannukah a few days before Christmas so we were with his family (both SIL's and family came to NY and it was at DH's parents house), Christmas with mine, then we drove up to his sisters in MA the day after for their X-mas celebration
2004-- Hannukah was closer to Thanksgiving this year so both SIL's and family came to NY, stayed at IL's. I asked if my Dad and brother could come for Thanksgiving (my aunts and uncles were out of town with my cousins and they had no place to go) and they did. The day after we celebrated Hannukah a few days early. I was planing on Christmas at my house but my cousin had it instead.
I have made it clear to IL's that because we are interfaith and my Dad and brother are my only immediate family then Christmas Day is my family's day.
This year MIL has said that SIL in Wisconsin wants everyone to come to her for Christmas/Hannukah as she is moving into a bigger house. We're not going... 1. My Dad and brother 2. We had the wedding this year $$$$$$$ 3. Who wants to go to Wisconsin in DEc. 4. WE have to fly to FL for a wedding in Feb on President's weekend... $$$$
You might have to set up a schedule of every other year you come to NY.
didianita
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Posted by David'sbride
You might have to set up a schedule of every other year you come to NY.
definetly! we have to take turns, and I also have family out of the country where i would like to go from time to time.
simbacat
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
DH's family is Jewish and mine is Catholic
We do all the Catholic holidays with my family and all the Jewish holidays with his.
Thanksgiving we take turns..this year it's my turn.
Boop2704
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
My parents are divorced, so add FIL in there and we had to split holidays three ways, which is tough. As much as I was sad my dad moved to Florida, I am very grateful, because we no longer have to split three ways. For Christmas, we will go to DH's family on the eve and my family on the day. We decided that we are going to go down and Spend Thanksgiving with my dad. Everyone understands and knows we can't be everywhere.
Donna
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Maybe you can visit your family in NY at a different time of the year when it is less expensive?
I love the holidays but with my DH's work schedule we have in the past had 'Christmas dinner' on 12/23, etc because my MIL wanted her whole family together. I've learned being together is what's important. My dad is in FL and it's too much to go down there for the holidays but I do make sure I travel at other times of the year - Father's day, etc
didianita
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
I think what makes it harder is that his mom is very stubborn and jealous, and was VERY mad last year; I don't think she will understand that we have to split the holidays because whatever we go, I want to be with DH
melissaandsean
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Posted by didianita
I think what makes it harder is that his mom is very stubborn and jealous, and was VERY mad last year; I don't think she will understand that we have to split the holidays because whatever we go, I want to be with DH
she doesn't have to understand it. But your DH needs to make it clear to her where he stands and that this will be the way you guys, as A FAMILY (because you are now family since you're married) will be handling the holidays.
My MIL didn't like it at first, but she had NO CHOICE but to deal with it. I think it's easier to be upfront about it now, then just let it fester. Good Luck!
David'sbride
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
I know I already replied but I thought of something else...
One of my friends has 5 brothers and sisters all are married and their kids range in age from late twenties to 4 years old. They know it's so hard to get together for the holidays so one of the sisters hosts Christmas on one of the first Saturdays in December that way their entire family can be together and any of the in-laws that live nearby or aren't busy. They are a huge family as many of the people who married in are from very large families as well so they basically have the immediate family the whole day and it's Open House style for everyone else so they can come and go.
My friend's sister just does appetizers/snacks and dessert because they are the best parts anyway
didianita
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
Posted by melissaandsean
Posted by didianita
I think what makes it harder is that his mom is very stubborn and jealous, and was VERY mad last year; I don't think she will understand that we have to split the holidays because whatever we go, I want to be with DH
she doesn't have to understand it. But your DH needs to make it clear to her where he stands and that this will be the way you guys, as A FAMILY (because you are now family since you're married) will be handling the holidays.
My MIL didn't like it at first, but she had NO CHOICE but to deal with it. I think it's easier to be upfront about it now, then just let it fester. Good Luck!
You are right; and that's why I'm having trouble too because he thinks I don't like his family just because I want to go to NY. I've been bothering him with this holidays subject for a while now because I don't want any trouble every year. Thanks girls!
suven
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Re: who do you spend the holidays with? (long)
hmmmm. If there was an original agreement to go to NY, I'd make him stick to it. Just remind him that he needs to 'share' the holidays now
