Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Original post by MrsTC

Nov 25, 2003 08:26 AM

What has your experience been?

We lived together before we were married so we thought nothing would change - but I am finding there are still challenges.

Any input

curly2003 Posted: Nov 25, 2003 03:58 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Posted by tarakinspa

Im not getting this one at all, we didnt live together and I couldnt be happier. i feel like we are finally the way we should be and its a relief actually. Plus I guess i kind of expected the toothpaste on the sink type of stuff lol

That was exactly my point. i feel the same way!!!!!!!!!

LizD Posted: Nov 26, 2003 08:32 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

We will hit the one year mark on 12/15, and lived together before also. I found this year to be wonderful, no major problems at all. I guess we were lucky.

TrayLu47 Posted: Nov 26, 2003 09:43 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

I think a lot of people say the first year is hard because it's when most couples go through their adjustments. No matter how long you dated or lived together before marriage - marriage is a new beginning. A lot of emotions and changes are being made during the first year which causes anxiety for some. There is the letting go of both your single lives, and coming together as one.

However, you have to take things one day at a time and focus on what you both want as a couple. Marriage takes patience and understanding. You have to keep working at it to keep it fresh and interesting. It's not easy at times, but don't let the 'not so easy' parts get you down - it happens in all aspects of life. Keep focusing on all the things you like about being married and being with your hubby.

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 26, 2003 10:39 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Tray- what great words!!!

Samanthas Mom Posted: Nov 26, 2003 10:46 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Tray- that was so nice and so very true!

TrayLu47 Posted: Nov 26, 2003 10:57 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Why thank you nrvrd and Tammyjill!

*bow*

It's the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

jpsgirl Posted: Nov 26, 2003 11:26 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

those who have had no difficulties in the first year or two - I hope you count your blessings every day. I lived with DH for 8 months, I don't think living together first has any bearing on how difficult marriage is. I was hoping it was just the first year, now I'm hoping maybe just the first two years.......

yabbobay Posted: Nov 26, 2003 01:24 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

deborah

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 26, 2003 01:56 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

dEB-

sonia Posted: Nov 26, 2003 02:26 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

for us the arguing has gone down because it's such a relief to live in the same house, on the same coast of the country, and in the same time zone!! so our relationship/communication has gotten much better.

the little things are tough sometimes.. adjusting to his bad habits (hatred of cleaning, procrastination, laziness sometimes) .. and him adjusting to mine (whatever those are )

but it's all about compromises... as long as you can do that the year will fly by

chmpgnrose Posted: Nov 26, 2003 02:41 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

It was a leap for our first year. Many compromises, many changes and adjustments in both our lives as an individual going to a married woman and married man. I did not have time to absorb the changes to sink in but it hit me when we had to sacrifice in order to compromise. We did not live together long before we got married. We moved in only 5 months shy from our wedding date. The book 'The Conscious Bride' talks about post-wedding depression and the transition phrase in the first year of marriage. To me, marriage is a lot of work as it's ongoing everyday indefinitely. It takes a team of husband and wife to make it a sucess. Everybody's situation is different. This is my experience.

Good luck.

spel Posted: Nov 26, 2003 02:47 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

i don't think there was much of an adjustment at all. we lived together before we got engaged.

the hardest thing for us has been moving into & living in our first house. its a challenge everyday. lots of responsibility, lots of costs.

eta: i certainly agree with tina, however, we have been going through all of those things for a long time now so there was no real adjustment after the wedding. it makes me really appreciate the fact that we lived together for awhile before the wedding. not to say that there aren't difficulties, there always are challenges for us, just no change from before the wedding to after.

MrsTC Posted: Nov 26, 2003 06:39 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Thanks everyone - I guess I really hadn't realized the tru emotional adjustment it is going to be ....

ChristineC68 Posted: Nov 26, 2003 10:59 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

We started living together shortly after we got engaged so we didn't have that adjustment after the wedding.

The main difference is that with the wedding out of the way we were more focused on ourselves and relationship, in a good way. The goals became longer term and the compromises more important as they didn't pertain to the wedding but to our life.

jpsgirl Posted: Nov 27, 2003 12:16 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

thanks for the hugs, that was nice!

yabbobay Posted: Nov 27, 2003 02:36 AM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

Posted by ChristineC68
The main difference is that with the wedding out of the way we were more focused on ourselves and relationship, in a good way. The goals became longer term and the compromises more important as they didn't pertain to the wedding but to our life.

I so agree with this...with the wedding out of the way...it was easier to look further into the future...

Buttafli1277 Posted: Nov 27, 2003 01:42 PM

Re: Why is the first year so hard - why does everyone say that?

I haven't even been married a year yet, and I'm loving it! My hubby and I get along just as well as we did before we got married. We didn't live with each other prior to our wedding but we are pretty much well adjusted to living together. I lived at home with my family prior, and the hardest adjustment for me was leaving my family. I remember the final day I moved out of my parents house, I said goodbye to my brother. I said 'see you soon'. I was just so sad that I was leaving, that I got in my car and cried. I was mixed emotions. Happy and sad at the same time. I am well over that now and see my family pretty often. Just give yourself some time to re adjust!