LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

MrsKtoBe Posted:

Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

So... after my wedding I went through all the cards and made the thank you note list, you know, regular wedding business. and realized that I couldnt find the card from my best friend and bridesmaid. So, after much stress over the fact that I lost the card, I called her. And she said....

'OMG you are so rediculous. I have a whole year to send a card, silly. Plus its super exciting getting cards with money out of nowhere'

Umm... PS. got married in August, still no sign of the 'suprise' card.

So I'm kind of hurt. and its NOT about the money. I dont even CARE about the gift (seriously). I told my bridesmaids to keep their money bc I felt like they had spent enough already. But to be a bridesmaid and come to the wedding without so much as a 'so happy for you' card? You have 100% the right to tell me that I am being a snobby youknowwhat. I just cant imagine showing up to my best friends wedding (that im IN) without so much as a card.

OK... bash away.
MrsDrinkh20 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

Posted by MrsKtoBe

So... after my wedding I went through all the cards and made the thank you note list, you know, regular wedding business. and realized that I couldnt find the card from my best friend and bridesmaid. So, after much stress over the fact that I lost the card, I called her. And she said....

'OMG you are so rediculous. I have a whole year to send a card, silly. Plus its super exciting getting cards with money out of nowhere'

Umm... PS. got married in August, still no sign of the 'suprise' card.

So I'm kind of hurt. and its NOT about the money. I dont even CARE about the gift (seriously). I told my bridesmaids to keep their money bc I felt like they had spent enough already. But to be a bridesmaid and come to the wedding without so much as a 'so happy for you' card? You have 100% the right to tell me that I am being a snobby youknowwhat. I just cant imagine showing up to my best friends wedding (that im IN) without so much as a card.

OK... bash away.


No bashing..I agree with you that she should have brought a card at least. To be honest, I could never show up to a wedding without a gift...i would feel awful especially if I was in the bridal party. But i suppose etiquette wise she does have a year...in my opinion a card is the very least she should have brougth with her. Coming without anything is rude in my book!
dazies1011 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

ITA

whtevjenny Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

I think no card is weird. And that totally doesn't sound like a fun conversation. If you told your BM's not to give you anything, I would think she would have at least given you a nice card or a small gift. You're not being a b---- or anything, because you even said it's not about the money. It's the principle of the thing.

julesrbf Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

At least a card. Two of my BMs did not give me gifts (after discussions beforehand where I told them not to) but they both gave me cards. (Actually, one BM got me a card - and a deck of cards - since we play poker all the time.) So, even though they were not expected to give a gift, of course they gave me cards ... and I would have been upset if they hadn't.

MoochsWifey Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

I agree...she should have given you a card. I'm from the camp where I don't think the party should be expected to give gifts after all they spent to be in the wedding but a card with a nice sentiment is an absolute must. No bashing here!
MirabellaNYC Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

Honestly...I wouldn't be mad per se, but definitely a bit hurt..

But I know how you feel-there are 4 people I invited from work that didn't give a gift..or I lost the card-but I doubt it. I'm too shy to confront them on it, so regardless their thank you card will say 'thanks for being part of our day and for your generous gift' (the generic thank you)...


It's a bit surprising, but you know what? Don't let the negative energy get to you. We were shocked at first and then just moved past it. If we get a gift, we get a gift.
FutureMrsG Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

I agree with you. I would be hurt too.

marriedinmontauk Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

for what it's worth Best Man, no card no gift, Uncle no card no gift, Cousin no card no gift.
That's not even including all the friends, whom I truly don't mind about. But yea, some people don't quite get it!
LadyDuda81509 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

i totally agree!! i was just going thru my list we made of gifts are stuff, and i realized 2 of my really close friends were not on the list!!!! Im really hoping i just forgot to write it down..

MLAngelo Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

Yeah I don't think the year thing should really apply to your BMs.

MLAngelo Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

Posted by marriedinmontauk

for what it's worth Best Man, no card no gift, Uncle no card no gift, Cousin no card no gift.
That's not even including all the friends, whom I truly don't mind about. But yea, some people don't quite get it!


DH's Uncles didn't come to the wedding and didn't so much as send a card. These are his father's (who is very sick) brothers. It is appalling.
rebekahlw164 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

I don't know where this comes from, but my sister has the same philosophy. She says that you have a year to send a wedding gift. I know there have been times where she has been strapped for cash (especially after the costs of being a bridesmaid) and has waited to send a gift. Maybe your bm would prefer to send a card with a gift and wants to wait until she is able to do so, rather than give just a card. I wouldn't be too upset, give her time and see if she sends you something. According to her beliefs, she has several more months before she has committed any offense. I can definitely see where you're coming from, but I just wanted to share that she may not have forgotten you and isn't the only one with this idea.

twoifbysea Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

I'd feel the same way. It's one thing to give a card like the week you get back from the HM, but 3 months later and still nothing? c'mon. She got defensive because you called her out on it.

little34 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

No bashing...I think you are right. If I were having money issues I would give a card and just explain that my situation and that I plan on sending the money or gift at a later date. My MOHs family, who are like my second parents, were going through some money issues....they wrote us a check and in the card they asked us not to cash it until a certain date because of their money issues (we offered to not cash the check at all but they insisted) but the point is they made us aware of what was going on and sent gave a beautiful card. I am with ya on this one!

alli3131 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

SHe does have a year to give you a gift. And personally I wouldnt be mad at all. My BF/BM did not give me a card or a gift.....and said she would later. I got married before you and I havent received anything and really couldnt care less if I ever do. She was there for me through the planning process and supported me throughout my life so really a card or a gift would never be able to convey the way I know she cares for me and my DH.....Do you really need a piece of paper to to know these people care.....

gina409 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

i dont tink u r wrong at all

one of our gm never gave us a card and dh is still talking about it lol

we all know money is hard but she should have just flat out told u if things were tight

and imo..i would never ever say to the brid,esp f she was my friend..oh i have a yr to get it to u...i would have said..im so srry things r rough right now and will get it to u when i can(and i would have put it in a card)
EmiNoa628 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

Posted by gina409

i dont tink u r wrong at all

one of our gm never gave us a card and dh is still talking about it lol

we all know money is hard but she should have just flat out told u if things were tight

and imo..i would never ever say to the brid,esp f she was my friend..oh i have a yr to get it to u...i would have said..im so srry things r rough right now and will get it to u when i can(and i would have put it in a card)


True! There were a few people I was surprise about but I let that go! Certain ppl said they will send something for us but I didnt care! Its not about the money I think its the prinicpal of being cordial about the situation!

Don't send them a TY card!! (j.k)
meara Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*



well my MOH didnt give me a card or a gift AND lost the toast she was going to give me and I'm still a little hurt so NO bashing from me. . so that said. yeah it kind of s*cks. . but I'd try to just let it go after a while. . but totally on your side. . booo on her!
Cassie15 Posted:

Re: Would you be mad? (kind of long) *Warning: may cause controversy*

That was wrong especially if you're good friends with her. There's nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, I would be hurt as well if my MOH/BM's pulled the same thing. Similarly, one of my BM's didn't even bother to bring anything. She brought her sister and friend to my wedding empty handed. She did give me lingerie and a book for my shower but nothing on my big day. I never asked her and moved on. I learned that this goes to show the type of person and their true colors. If a person can't bother to pick up a card that cost $2 just to say thank you for having me on your big day. Congrats and I wish you the best, etc. It shows how little they really care for me.

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.