Wow! People are harsh...

I just read an article about that new show on TLC where they give a stay at home mom a chance to go back to work.

Apparently, there's been an influx of harsh comments on the TLC message boards from other SAHMs bashing the show.

Why can't people just respect that what works for some will not work for all...Especially in reference to something like this?!

Sometimes the world we live in is just really sad....

The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom

Thoughts?

I feel it is all about ones personal preference. Alot of women have dreamed about what they what to be do there whole lives, and because you have kids does not mean that you have to quit your job and give up your goals.
I personally never had those ambitions. Since I was little I always wanted to be a stay at home mom like my mother. I am now a housewife, but if I ever eeded to I would have no problem going back to work.
In short... If you are a SAHM and enjoy it-Good for you. If you are a mother who enjoys working- more power to you...

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Posted by Christys0925

In short... If you are a SAHM and enjoy it-Good for you. If you are a mother who enjoys working- more power to you...

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Exactly- ITA!

Hmm ok I am going to play both sides here because I CAN see both arguments.

Personally, if I had the time and endless amounts of moola, would want to be a stay-at-home Mommy at least till my kids could start pre-school because I think pre-k is REALLY important (as a teacher) to their growth. They really need that on-their-level socialization. So I would love to do that when we have kids.

Unfortunately due to tightness of money these days, we probably won;t be able to swing it. But I do intend to be as involved as possible and if they have to go to day-care, try to find someone who can do at least as good a job as I could-none of this sitting them in front of the TV crap for 8 hours. And then on the weeknds I would just be as active with them a I could.

So i can understand the women who wnat to stay at home and I CAN see why they would be miffed by the 'lose the minivan' theme song. It IS degrading because it is saying essentially that beign a stay-at-home mom is not an important task. Fine you're just wiping noses and building diorahmans but it is a difficult job if you do it correctly and I personally feel modern feminism has stepped SOOOO far out of the loop from feminism's original goals.

No longer are we going for equality but its like if you're not willing to bea ball busting woman who gives up everything maternal and doemstic, including living life 'without a man', you're a traitor. One of myfave college professsors is the ultimate feminist and she is the first to say she hates the new feminists. So that might be one reason why people are taking it so personallly.


AT THE SAME TIME HOWEVER...PEACE people! There is no reason to knock a woman because she decided to stay at home or NOT stay at home. I personally think mommies should be at home with their kids till the child is school age and then just be around as much as possible and as active as possible. Even spending an hour with your kid every night talking about their day works wonders. Kids WANT to share.

BUT I do know that for myself, I could not stay at home and 'just be a mom' for 22+years till my kids all graduated college. I would need to do other things, be it a part-time job, volunteering somewhere, etc. I do think just from working with kids, that you DEFINETLY need some 'me' time.

Do I think that me time includes weekeds away from my husband and kids like some women seem to? NOPE. But saying to your hubby 'I need to go to the mall for an hour or see Jodi or whatever.' Thats fine. You need a break. We all do because we are human.

I also feel once the kid starts school, what difference does it really make? Ok so he is home at 3:30 and you don't gett home till 7pm but he/she should bedoing their homework, eatingdinner, etc. Its not like you are abandoning the kid. And what do you do alone for all those hours?

That is not to say I condone women who sacrifice their families for their career gals anymore than I condone men who do it. money isnt worth a wrecked family and I feel if one spouse decided to work long grueling hours, the other should defiently take up mroe of a role of a homemaker role if a home is indeed what they want to have , rather than a house with everyone doing their own thing. family is about making sacrifies and if you're not willing to make some, you shouldnt have one. From working where I do I SEE how the corporate workaholics live...they are NEVER home so if you're a woman doing that, you need to have a husband who is willing to be home more and vice versa. Kids can't grow up like that. So no you shouldn't give up your dreams butI feel you SHOULD modify them if you decide to ahve family and those dreams are not making for a happy healthy home.

Honestly I could not be a stay at home mom, even if I was rich enough not work. I've always wanted a career and I think its important (FOR ME) to let my children see that mommy as a job just like daddy. I personally don't like cooking or cleaning. Even if my job was to just pay for a maid, it would be worth it for me.
But I'm aware some women and even men want to be home with their kids full time. More power to them. But children need to learn they can't get their way all the time. Yes most kids would want their mom to stay home with them full time, I'm sure they would also love having a pony too! Doesn't mean they should get it. Kids need to socialize with other people outside the family and to learn how to get along with their peers. My DH was raised by a SAHM and she even sent him to pre-school, back when only kids with working moms went to pre-school.

my mom was a stay at home mom untill we all went to school. Once i hit first grade, my mom went back to work....but was home by 3:30 to get me off the bus. This is something I would love to do. I also think it depends on the situation....my brother & his wife, along with my BIL & SIL, both have children(my bro has 1, BIL & SIL have 2(twins)....both of my sil's are stay at home moms right now...they just work two nights a week to make some extra cash & have some interaction with friends....and u know what? Yea, money is super tight for them...but both of them say they wouldn't trade it for the world. That sure, they could probably both work 9-5 jobs and be much more comfortable, but that money isn't everything, and they'd rather be tight with money, but be home with their babies.

NOW, my manager at work has FOUR children, and is a single mom because her husband took off a while back. She works THREE jobs, and still makes time for her kids and is a wonderful mother who works hard to support her children. The woman is amazing...and she does what she has to do.

DH's mom was also a single mother with 3 kids....she always worked. She had too.

the bottom line? You do what you have to do to provide for your families needs. I do have a problem when parents work to have huge lavish lifestyles & are never home with their children because that 'what they want for their family' ....But if u need to pick up a regular job to make ends meet there is absolutely nothing wrong with that....especially these days and especially living in new york!

Every woman is different. My aunt has always been a career woman...and her work is a big priority to her even though she has my two cousins. My one SIL who is due next week with her baby went to full schooling for social work & has been working in a great place for the last 5years....before she got pregnant(while she was trying) she always said 'after my maternity leave i'll go back to work'....now that the baby is coming, all she can talk about is 'I can't believe I ever thought I'd want to do anything else but be a mom.' and she too, will stay home, but go back to work once her child starts elementary school. There's no need to knock either side of the story - because the bottom line is, you dont know someone's situation unless u're in it.

ps: i also just have to add that i can not STAND when people have comments about SAHM's and how 'it's not a real job' or 'it's not work'...MAKES ME SICK. Last year we, along with some friends went on vacay & my friends hubby watched her two children...when we got back he was like 'OH MY GOSH. I WOULD RATHER WORK 3 JOBS THAN HAVE TO DO THAT EVERYDAY! I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THAT YOU DO!' and he had a WHOOLE new perspective on it.

i think there are a lot of people who respect it, but there are far too many that don't. It is HARD WORK. And it's amazing if u can afford to do it.

The classic mommy wars. Everyone should just agree to disagree, and stop beating each other up--neither group is ever going get the other to agree.
I see both sides, but I don't think anyone but you can decide what is right for your personal situation.

Seriously ppl just need to chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil


its not a battle----SAHMs vs. Working Moms---and sometimes it seems to come out that way from both sides.

whatever works for one doesn't work for others---simple as that.

obviously the SAHMs who flooded the boards with their seething reviews....need to simmer down. to actually say its 'child abandonment' is extreme.

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Posted by MJDoc12

Seriously ppl just need to chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil


its not a battle----SAHMs vs. Working Moms---and sometimes it seems to come out that way from both sides.

whatever works for one doesn't work for others---simple as that.

obviously the SAHMs who flooded the boards with their seething reviews....need to simmer down. to actually say its 'child abandonment' is extreme.

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i couldn't agree more!

ps: melissa i mailed out my check for my cooookkkieeeesssss

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Posted by magbride

The classic mommy wars. Everyone should just agree to disagree, and stop beating each other up--neither group is ever going get the other to agree.
I see both sides, but I don't think anyone but you can decide what is right for your personal situation.

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That's the point I was trying to make. The article makes it seem like the SAHMs on the message boards were attacking the other woman's choice to go back to work.


In all fairness, I did not watch the show, so I can't tell what kind of lives these people had.

When I have children, I don't think it will be possible for me to be a SAHM for 5 years (until they are school age), I also don't want to send my kid to daycare, so I'm hoping our mom's or other family will step up to help at least a few days a week. Fortunately, I will be able to work from home a few days a week, so that should help.

its really a shame when either side attacks the other. different things work for different people!!

my mom was a SAHM and im so thankful for her being there all the time. being a SAHM isn't easy!!!!!!! my mom went back to work after i was a few yrs into school i believe. and now my two sisters are also SAHM's now. the first one always planned on that and the second was as a clothing buyer for a clothing company, commuted into the city 2x a week, traveling involved, always on the go, great job, etc. she never intended on being a SAHM, but once she got prego, she really hoped they could swing it. once she had my nephew, she couldn't imagine going back to work and not being there to raise him!! that was their personal situations. now i am going through a 7 yr doctoral program now and will finally be able to practice once im through, so i will obviously not be able to SAH. its kinda scary for me to be the only one in my fam that wont be able to SAH. i havent seen it done any other way really. i dont know what it will be like but i know it will be tough!!! who wouldnt want to be right there with their baby? i would. that being said, i chose to do this program bc it will afford me the opportunity to do private practice, to set my own hours, flexibility, possibly working at home at some point not too far down the road which would be great for our family life! and hopefully, as mentioned in the SAHD thread, DH may be at home with the kids if writing works out!!

aahh the age old debate - women just LOVE knocking each other down

i think that bc BOTH sides (SAHMs AND Working moms) often question their OWN choices - they find it necessary to knock down the 'other side'

'Why did she choose to stay home, maybe she made the RIGHT choice - I have to make her feel like an idiot now and level the playing field'
or vice versa.

I definitely think that this may be a subconscious think but it is definitely there. We just can't handle when people make the OTHER decision since it makes us question our own.

As for me, I dream of being a SAHM but I know it isnt possible, and I am okay with that too!

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Hmm ok I am going to play both sides here because I CAN see both arguments.

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your cute.