WWYD?

So, what if you found out that someone lied to you about something, but you found this out in a dishonest way (a.k.a. snooping). Would you confront the person lying or let it go b/c then you'd have to admit you were snooping?
*Sorry, being very vague b/c of potential lurkers.
TIA

finding stuff out instead of being told upfront is prob one of my biggest pet peeves. i always make a big stink out of it.

it will prob continue to bother you unless you talk about it/confront the issue. that would frustrate me to find something, bc why should there be anything hidden to find?

I agree with Jess.

Gonna play both sides though to be fair...

If you confront the person, you will have to face the music for snooping and honestly, you were wrong for doing so because had you NOT found anything, the snooping still relays a feeling hat you didn't trust the other person and had to resort to sneakiness rather than being upfront. They could say, 'you could have just ASKED.'

I personally HATE snoopiness. Im not hiding anything but I believe in boundaries and privacy.

Maybe there is a reason you wree not told? Maybe they thought id didnt matter because it was forever ago and it means nothing to them anymore? hard to go since its so vague.

On your side though, I definetly think you need to talk to this person about it because the fact is no matter how you found out you now KNOW and it will bother you until its addressed. sit the person down and start with an apology to them for snopping so that they know you understand what you did was wrong and it cuts some of the inclination for them to say 'YOU DID WHAT????'

Because if they focus on that it will become an all out war because you will want to address the issue and they won't and just drama. So its better to difuse it from the beginning.

Try and stay calm about it and Im sure it will get resolved somehow.

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Posted by PeteysBride

I agree with Jess.

Gonna play both sides though to be fair...

If you confront the person, you will have to face the music for snooping and honestly, you were wrong for doing so because had you NOT found anything, the snooping still relays a feeling hat you didn't trust the other person and had to resort to sneakiness rather than being upfront. They could say, 'you could have just ASKED.'

I personally HATE snoopiness. Im not hiding anything but I believe in boundaries and privacy.

Maybe there is a reason you wree not told?

On your side though, I definetly think you need to talk to this person about it because the fact is no matter how you found out you now KNOW and it will bother you until its addressed. sit the person down and start with an apology to them for snopping so that they know you understand what you did was wrong and it cuts some of the inclination for them to say 'YOU DID WHAT????'

Try and stay calm about it and Im sure it will get resolved somehow.

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everything i would've said & more..

also.. if it's something that needs resolving and is an IMPORTANT issue, then it needs to be addressed. on the other hand, if you KNOW It's something so far into the past that it doesn't even have weight anymore, i personally would let it go. Like the pp said, maybe there was a reason for u not to know..maybe it wasn't as big a deal as it seems, maybe the person was protecting you because it seems to be more than it is....

either way - u know urself. if u know u need clarity to avoid going crazy & having come it out in a bad way at a later time, then address it.

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Posted by PeteysBride

I agree with Jess.

Gonna play both sides though to be fair...

If you confront the person, you will have to face the music for snooping and honestly, you were wrong for doing so because had you NOT found anything, the snooping still relays a feeling hat you didn't trust the other person and had to resort to sneakiness rather than being upfront. They could say, 'you could have just ASKED.'

I personally HATE snoopiness. Im not hiding anything but I believe in boundaries and privacy.

Maybe there is a reason you wree not told?

On your side though, I definetly think you need to talk to this person about it because the fact is no matter how you found out you now KNOW and it will bother you until its addressed. sit the person down and start with an apology to them for snopping so that they know you understand what you did was wrong and it cuts some of the inclination for them to say 'YOU DID WHAT????'

Try and stay calm about it and Im sure it will get resolved somehow.

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Thanks. The worst part is that I did ask-- a few times--and just felt like there were pieces of a story missing and well, my curiousity got the best of me. And as they say, trust your gut--I was right.

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Posted by thelastresort

Oh I hate these situations! I would say something. IMO, it doesn't matter how you found out...you did and that's what matters.Whomever it is doesn't need to know how you found out. Or is there only one way you could have found out and they will know you were snooping? If it's really bothering you, confront the person. Otherwise, I would think you holding it all in will ultimately do more damage.

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Yup. Pretty much only one way I could've found out.
Thanks for the advice!

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Posted by magbride


Thanks. The worst part is that I did ask-- a few times--and just felt like there were pieces of a story missing and well, my curiousity got the best of me. And as they say, trust your gut--I was right.

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AH OK! Thats a WHOLE diff can of worms. You still shouldn't have snooped, but there was cause and worse, this person lied to your face. That i would lose my mind about. I can forgive anything but do NOT lie to me. Just tell me, let me be mad fo a few hours and then we can address it and move on.

I'm sorry Krista! I hope it turns out ok.

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Posted by magbride

Thanks. The worst part is that I did ask-- a few times--and just felt like there were pieces of a story missing and well, my curiousity got the best of me. And as they say, trust your gut--I was right.

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see THIS is what would bother me.... u do have to follow ur gut in certain situations..snooping or not snooping. i'm sorry about whatever the situation is, and i hope it gets worked out!

the most important thing is to TALK. if defensive switches flip on from either party, take a breath & say u want to talk and not argue. again..

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Posted by magbride

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Posted by PeteysBride

I agree with Jess.

Gonna play both sides though to be fair...

If you confront the person, you will have to face the music for snooping and honestly, you were wrong for doing so because had you NOT found anything, the snooping still relays a feeling hat you didn't trust the other person and had to resort to sneakiness rather than being upfront. They could say, 'you could have just ASKED.'

I personally HATE snoopiness. Im not hiding anything but I believe in boundaries and privacy.

Maybe there is a reason you were not told?

On your side though, I definetly think you need to talk to this person about it because the fact is no matter how you found out you now KNOW and it will bother you until its addressed. sit the person down and start with an apology to them for snopping so that they know you understand what you did was wrong and it cuts some of the inclination for them to say 'YOU DID WHAT????'

Try and stay calm about it and Im sure it will get resolved somehow.

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Thanks. The worst part is that I did ask-- a few times--and just felt like there were pieces of a story missing and well, my curiousity got the best of me. And as they say, trust your gut--I was right.

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You see I am a strong believer in woman's intuition.

You must listen to that voice. I have ignored it in the past and than - I got hurt later and I said Da MIT I knew I shoulda listened to my gut

I have been in a situation like the one described. I followed my gut and snooped if you would like to call it that. I was promised that I had nothing to worry about but my gut told me otherwise. Turns out at that specific time I was RIGHT! I blew a gasket

I was honest about the snooping and said I felt I needed to do so b/c of my overall feeling - I said that part I am not proud of but what I am more upset is the lie and than the cover lies to hide the originals lie

It was hidden from me for a reason b/c I would prob of gotten mad or flipped out but the point is - I felt I needed to be told regardless if I flipped out -b/c it was worse that is was hidden. I felt deceived.Than the mind starts to wonder about how many other deceitful things are going on

I think that needs to be the issue here. You snooped for a reason and you prob normally would have not if given no reason.