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2011er with a question for those already married

Notwedyet08 Posted:

2011er with a question for those already married

Hi ladies...FH & I have been engaged for 1 1/2 years now. We're trying to save for our wedding but current expenses is making it really hard!

With the exception of eloping we can't really afford the big wedding :(

We have a lot of friends and family with expectations of our wedding.

I know a lot of girls say if they could do it all again they'd forgo the stress and cost of the wedding and just elope! But how serious are they?

I'm asking because that MIGHT be the path we're heading. I know this is our decision and we have to do whatever is best for us...just afraid i'll have regrets about not having the big wedding.

So...after its all been said & done would you just have eloped and/or go to city hall?


Sorry for the long post...just a tough decision we're (i'm trying) to make. And I said I b/c FH can care less about the whole wedding & just wants to go to the justice of the peace...i'm the one trying to hold onto the big wedding dream.
StaceyWill Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

IMHO, weddings cost a ton and there were a lot of things, looking back, that could be considered a waste. And if I could do it over, I probably would've cut a lot of things out. BUT, I wouldn't have decided to elope or go to city hall for anything in the world. It was really such an amazing day.

JAAMS Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

There is no way I would have just eloped. First of all, we wanted to get married in a Church, so eloping to city hall or Vegas or somewhere was not an option. Second of all, I LOVED the ceremony and the party.

However, everyone is different. I think it was worth every dime, but others might not feel the same.
Notwedyet08 Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

Thanks ladies!!! It's just hard parting with all that $$

I'm sure we'll figure things out soon!
bluj786 Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

i know its a lot of money but i wouldnnt have changed a thing. i LOVED my wedding and would never think of eloping.

we were thinking about eloping bc DH got layed off and we didnt know how we gunna pay for it, but everytime i even thought about it, i cryed my eyes out.
regy_k Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

even with the high stress of the day and the week of the wedding I wouldnt have changed it. I loved getting dressed up and taking pictures, and looking at the amazing view in our ceremony room. I loved dancing like crazy. and I loved all the little details me and DH worked on.
I dont regret spending that money at all. as I look at it is that is ONE day that u can never have again so why not enjoy it to the fullest?

there are many options for a lower budged that can be as nice if not even nicer that the regular big wedding. a restaurant wedding or a hall that offers a package deal and looking into a winter wedding which is obviously would be way cheaper.
CosmoLover Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

I agree with the others that its a very personal decision. I wasnt lucky to have parents to foot the bill for my wedding. I paid for 90% of my wedding all on my own (the entire price tag including extras like favors, reader gifts and makeup trials came to about $40K). My dad only helped me with my wedding gown, my mom helped by making my veil and my 2nd gown. Everything else fell on me. FH was against the wedding from the start (he wanted to elope from the get go!) but since I agreed to pay for it all, he kept his mouth shut.

Eloping is a personal decision. I thought about it but decided it wasn't a good option because I was raised a devout Catholic and just eloping seemed to be a 'cop out'. My original plan was to get married and then have a VERY SMALL informal reception at a restaurant (~15 people, only close family and friends). However, after doing the guest count, there was no way I could just limit it to 15 people so the guest list grew to 50.

The only way I was able to afford having the wedding of my dreams was to have a long engagement (we had 2 yr engagement) and stick to a budget. Expensive RH's were immediately crossed off the list as well as vendors that charged way too much (ie photography packages that were over $8K was ruled out ASAP).
I also set up a savings account and aggressively moved $$ from each paycheck to the account. After 1 year, I earned almost $100 extra with interest...

Every little penny adds up but there are inexpensive ways to get married on Long Island without going into debt

1- ask family for help, in any way possible (having friends do your makeup, etc). DYI as much as possible. Menus and Table numbers are something you can do yourself with a Michaels Kit for only $20 or 30 bucks.

2- select a wedding date during the Winter months when its off-season (Jan -March are cheapest)

3. select a cheap RH (most expensive RH I saw was Garden City Hotel that wanted $ 200 a head!).

4- save, save save!.

MrsG2011 Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

CosmoLover, ITA!!!
SoontobeGallagher Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

When things got tough we always said 'Why didn't we just elope?' But when everything was said and done we would not have wanted it any other way. I will never get the experience of walking down the aisle again, dancing to our first song, saying our vows in our church, and etc. Now when I think back I am so glad we didn't miss out on that.

DWKSwed Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

My friend gave me the best advice when I was wedding planning - don't stress, because no matter what it's going to be the best day of your life, and it doesn't matter what you wear or where you have it, as long as you don't make it about materialistic things, the details won't matter. My wedding was beautiful, and it was big because we have a lot of family and friends (but pretty average as far as big weddings go, we had 150 people exactly) and to be honest the parts of the day that stick out to me were the more emotional parts - the emotional parts of the wedding ceremony, dancing with my husband, and those are things that could have taken place in a parking lot. If money is a big issue, I would have a smaller wedding - you can still do it nice, and just make it clear to everyone involved that you will be having a small wedding, which won't include your mom's coworkers and your dad's friend from 20 years ago that he never sees anymore. I didn't invite people based on 1 year rule - if I haven't talked to you in the past year (or written/received a card, etc.) you don't need to be invited - and then work from there. HTH!

Suzie4 Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

It depends on what YOU want. Yes there are many things that can be considered a 'waste' but if it's what you want you're not going think that way. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing
Do what's right for you two and don't do anything because you think it's what others will want. Ultimately when you do things for others that's when the regrets kick in.

HTH
miamimerger Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

I totally would have eloped; I always wanted to since I was a teen! I only had a couple of requirements--I needed to look great (of course, haha), there had to be a photographer, and the groom had to be there!

All of that being said, it was really special and such an amazing memory to have a wedding that I shared with 75 of our closest friends and family. DH isn't the kind of person that would have ever eloped, so our wedding was a perfect compromise. Also, I am a budget queen; we didn't go above $12k (including a honeymoon), so if you need to vent, feel free to FM me!
JustJerk Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

You can pull off a 10K wedding off-season on Long Island if you put some effort into it.

Thatched Cottage ran a winter sale for a complete wedding for 10K during the winter. If I’m not mistaken, they also offer a complete Sunday brunch wedding for about 6K.

I think the Beach Club Estate offer full wedding packages also.
CarolAnn721 Posted:

Re: 2011er with a question for those already married

DH and I wanted to go away and get married wherever we were than come home and have a back yard reception. His family through a fit and made us have a wedding here. And although we did the wedding here, the way we wanted and we had an amazing day, it was a ton of money and I wish we would have stuck to our original plan. I don't regret it now since it is over, but during the planning and fighting with the family and fighting over money, I am happy to just have it be over with....

You have to do what is right for you. Don't listen to anyone but each other!!!

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