2nd Marriage...

Hi all..so I was a 2011 bride here, was married at 28 and divorced before 30. Long story short, we were young, not healthy, got married because everyone else around us was getting hitched, and had many many issues behind closed doors.

I decided to get divorced for me. I was tormenting myself the whole time being engaged and married because I was too afraid to dissapoint others. I never thought of myself, or put myself first. I spent many hours at therapy not only with my therapist, but with friends and family that supported my decision. Yes, I lost a lot of 'friends' along the way, but in the end, I have become someone I never thought I could be. I am more confident, careful of who I spend my time with, and started a healthier lifestyle. I even met someone incredible! Now, I did 'date' two guys shortly after my divorce, one for about 7 months and the other for 3. Had my fun with two others and got my party on for a while. then last winter, out of nowhere, I met who I believe, is my soulmate. Now I know I've been in love before, and went through the emotions with getting engaged and planning a wedding, but I never felt that something special. I spent lots of time with my current boyfriend, and things started to move pretty fast - something I have never experienced before. (My ex husband and I dated for 4 years before we got engaged, married a year and a half later and lived with each other for almost 2 years after the wedding) My current boyfriend moved in with me this past August, and we just moved into our own place just last weekend. We haven't had 'the talk' about getting engaged, but we do discuss kids, the future, and we both want a destination wedding. - I did however drop the bomb and say some girl was talking about how she was upset with her fiance for not spending $12K on her ring. I'm thinking to myself, okay, my 23 year old self would be obsessed with the price of a ring, but now, all I really want is something to celebrate love - I saw a CZ ring for way cheap and I was like 'Don't worry the one I like is like $50' and he perked up and was like, 'Really?' Lets get something straight, I'm not into material things, I used to be - but all of the growth and change I've gone through the last 2 years have just led me to believe, why spend so much on a ring when you could put it towards a house?'

Here is my question (sorry for all the babble lol) Those of you who are divorced, or know anyone who is - how soon is 'too soon' ? What about the engagement ring cost? Not that I'm all like oh its my 2nd I don't care about a ring, EVERY girl cares about a ring lol - its just not top of my priority list I guess? I feel like its movign fast, but it feels just right! I know you can't control the future and planning just ends up going wrong ha - It'll be our one year anniversary in January. My gut and my heart says enjoy every moment with him now and it will come (there's my answer, right? haha) But I just want to see if anyone else out there is going through what I am! cheers! <3

This is my first, so I cant give you any advice on the second wedding thing. I can say that no one but you knows when you're ready to get married again. If you think it's been long enough for you to be comfortable and sure you're over and not holding onto any of the past, then no one can tell you otherwise. My FH and I started talking love and wedding, etc on our second date. It's crazy and I know that, but it just...we knew. We got engaged about a month before our 1 yr anniversary.

As to the ring, I told FH from the start that I would be completely happy with a non-diamond, less expensive ring. We looked at quite a few opal, sapphire, and mossanite rings that I loved. As long as its a good quality jewel (and setting!) that will last, I don't see the big deal with needing an expensive ring (or diamond for that matter) I ended up with a diamond in the end, but only because he found out his mom had planned to let him/me have hers, and we didn't have to pay for it.

This is my first, but I just kind of had a feeling about my FH almost right away. He even called me his girlfriend after the first couple of dates (our first few dates were all packed into two weeks.)

As for the ring, I told FH that I didn't care what kind of ring. I was working for a jewelry company at the time so I knew what rings were going for lol. I actually really liked a black diamond ring I saw online and it was about $400. And he said, 'No, I am getting you a diamond ring.' Turns out, his mom had the diamond from her engagement ring that his dad got from his mom. I personally love the antique-y things, so it was neat having a diamond from somewhere in his family.

FH's cousin is getting married for the first time at 40, to his fiance, who was married once before. They had known each other since they were teens and flirted when they were little. She did the whole she-bang when she first got married, but it was mostly her in laws who planned it all. This time around, she is doing a bridesmaid dress for her wedding dress ($150, she said), no flower centerpieces (wine bottles and corks I believe. They are big wine people) and just an overall less strict feel.

tl;dr I think you just know when you know. There is no timeframe to get married. Some people know in 3 months and some people know in 3 years.

I have been married before. First time was after knowing him for 3 months. We lasted a few years but ultimately fizzed out. We were also 20 LOL
I met my fiance 3 years after being separated but 1 year after my actual divorce. We'd been together for 6 years before he proposed. I think everyone is different. Everyone's feelings are way different. There is no right or wrong answer. You have to trust your heart, your head, and your gut. Screw everything else :)

This is my second marriage and it sounds like our experiences were very similar--I was actually a 2010 bride so just a bit before you! I also dated my ex for years before we were engaged and I was only dating my current FH about 1.5 years before we got engaged. It didn't matter though--everything this time around is so different. Yes, we are having a wedding but if it were my choice, we'd get married at the downtown courthouse. Last time, I was so focused on the wedding (and not on the upcoming marriage) that I didn't see a lot of the issues that were right in front of me. This time around, I care about the marriage, our life together, and not so much about the wedding. The wedding (and all it's details) mean so little in the grand scheme--I'm with the right man now and that's all that matters.

As for the ring, all I knew was that I wanted something very different from my first ring (as did my FH). It wasn't about the cost of my ring either time but this time I know that it signifies so much more than just being engaged, you know?

Anyways, I don't think there is a time it takes to 'move on.' I met my FH when I was separated for about 9 months but we moved fairly quickly and talked marriage early. We both agree now that we knew we wanted to marry each other after a month or two.

I know plenty of healthy marriages but having gone through a not-so-healthy marriage and about to embark on an amazing one, I think that us ladies that have done it before have knowledge and experience that others may not have. If you know that this one is the right one, there is no reason to doubt it.