A little depressed....need to vent

We are going to the food tasting at our hall tonight... with my FIL's.
I just found out last night that when FH told his father last week about it (hes been quiet about the wedding so far) his dad told him we shouldnt spend so much $$ on this wedding.. we already have a family and people look at us like we are married, we should have a small wedding and put the rest to a house.
I got so upset.. in a way I know he is right but I still got upset... Im actually considering it..

Their daughter is dating and supposed to be getting engaged to a man almost twice her age who is divorced with children( and they hate him btw).. she wants a small destination wedding.. and they yell at her how she has to have the big fairytale wedding and they want to pay for everything..
I guess im also a little bitter that his parents have the $$ to pay for her whole wedding and my mom just cant.

i can relate to your story...

the flip side is, you get married hopefully once and should do what you want to do. my wedding was suppose to be a desination wedding cause we have no money. dad is giving about half of the wedding.. we are paying the other half. keep in mind, we didn't pick cheap vendors either.. we could of but not want we want to remember... it's onlly money

as for the house...even if you have a cheap wedding in NY... buying a house in NY is a joke!! 10,000 or 20,000 on a house is nothing anymore. FL here i come

It can't always be about $$$......sometimes you have to forget about how much things are going to cost (or what other people think about that) and just do what will make you happy. Just because you have a family already does not mean you have to ignore your dream of having a beautiful wedding day that you will always remember. Some people dream of putting $$ on a house and not having a wedding...that is what makes them happy....no one should comment on them not having a wedding and no one should comment on you for havng one!!!

Do not be sad....it will all be worth it

Everyone always has their opinions on your wedding. If you want to have a wedding, then don't worry what your FIL's have to say. You do what you want. Enjoy your tasting!

As far as buying a house, I agree. It is almost impossible right now in this area for any of us that are starting out.

Just remeber you are the only one who is going to look back on your wedding day and all the memories of that day. To many other people it is just another wedding day. You have to do what is right for you, and think about how you will feel if down the road if you do not have a big wedding. If you have any doubt in your mind that if you where not to have a big wedding, that you would regret it. Then have a big wedding. If you think you would be just as happy with a small wedding and a house, then go for the small wedding. Ultimatley the decision is up to you and your FH, who cares what anyone else thinks.

Bridget

you guys are great.. and I understand what you are saying about the houses.. queens and LI are just crazy right now.. we were looking at staten Island.. still high but not as bad as here.. no matter what FH told him he just said that its $30,000 we didnt have that could get us that much closer to a house.. Usually I try not to get upset when people say things its just his father is a very sweet man and I know he is looking out for our best intrest.

Sometimes parents don't get it or say stupid things but it is not there fault. Things are so different now then they were then. I ams ure he is only looking out for you.

If I were you I would go for the wedding of your dreams. I believe that life is always about saving for one thing or another and having this wedding isnt going to stop you from your dream of owning a home.

SO GO FOR IT!!! and Don't feel bad ~you deserve it. Plus do you want to always look back and say ... We should of or I wish we would of had the wedding we wanted.

GOOD LUCK!

As I've been told many times:
Its the day that you have always dreamt about. Have it your way!!!! Good luck.

OK...this is JMO....but it's your day...you have to do what is going to make you happy....BUT, $30,000 is alot to spend. I think you can have a perfectly elegant wedding and spend $15,000 and put the other $15,000 towards your down payment on a house. (I have to agree with your FFIL on that one). Now...I realize that this is not for everyone...and maybe you want to have the bigger more elaborate wedding.

This is just me....I bought a house before I met FH...and it's not cheap here either (I live in NJ). I think my wedding will be my dream wedding...FH will be there...all my family and friends will be there to celebrate with us....there will be food and dancing and fun. We may not have the vienese hour for dessert...we may not be adding a sushi station for CH...but it will be still nice and have all the things that make a nice wedding. We will have a great time....and so will you, no matter what you decide.

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Posted by luvsun27

OK...this is JMO....but it's your day...you have to do what is going to make you happy....BUT, $30,000 is alot to spend. I think you can have a perfectly elegant wedding and spend $15,000 and put the other $15,000 towards your down payment on a house. (I have to agree with your FFIL on that one).

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Well at this point it is impossible to spend only 15,000 on a wedding that I have left deposits and paid for a year.. the hall alone is costing me almost that.

ETA - I tried to cut corners and save $$ on vendors as best as possible and still have it nice and not sacrafice.. I am driving myself budget crazy to keep it around the 25 mark.

like most of us on these boards, this is the type of wedding you and FH want. Most of us may worry about the price but have we really cut anything out, picked a less expensive dress or downsized our guestlist, etc? Your FFIL is probably right, but just tell him this is what your decision.

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

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Posted by luvsun27

OK...this is JMO....but it's your day...you have to do what is going to make you happy....BUT, $30,000 is alot to spend. I think you can have a perfectly elegant wedding and spend $15,000 and put the other $15,000 towards your down payment on a house. (I have to agree with your FFIL on that one).

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Well at this point it is impossible to spend only 15,000 on a wedding that I have left deposits and paid for a year.. the hall alone is costing me almost that.

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Ok...than I think you answered your own question! I'm sure you will have a beautiful wedding...and someday you will also have a house of your very own. Good luck.

Aw Maxine, first let me give you lots of


You are as sensitive as I am.. I totally understand why you are feeling this way today. It just put a damper on your mood, but please do not let it!! I think any wedding is what YOU make of it. It really shouldn't matter that you are living together, have a son. Houses are expensive no matter what, and you made the concious decision to plan for this wedding. Its still going to be one of THE most important days of your life and something to look back on (with your son) with wonderful memories!!

I know you a little bit ... I KNOW you are not mindlessly spending money .. you are being really careful, saving $ and trying to get the best vendors for the price. I KNOW this is what you want and that you really love the idea of having your wedding the way you are planning it.. you are so enthusiastic about it,, I can tell by your posts and all your wonderful suggestions and ideas. So PLEASE don't let your FFIL's comment upset you! (and I don't think he meant any harm, as you said.. he is only looking out for you & your family's best interest). You've told me your FILs are wonderful and I'm sure they are just being cautious for your sake!

My situation is a little bit of the opposite .. MY PARENTS aren't doing anything towards the wedding, because they think the idea is silly to be spending all this $. They don't even wanna invite anyone b/c they want US to save $$ (which hurts my feelings a bit) We also live together and own a co-op, but since I'm a little bit older they think to have a big old wedding is frivilous. Actually my FILs are the ones who are totally supportive, so anytime I get down I just call them (or I come on here and talk with people as sweet as you!)

Besides ... you HAVE to have your wedding!! I WANT TO BE THERE as the first member of the LIW table to see you proudly walk down that aisle!!!

Hang in there and FM me if you wanna talk

you r so sweet you are going to make me
You are right and we are still so young.. most people our age dont have the $$ right now to buy a house anyway.. plus we still have a little money put away besides wedding $$ and whatever $$ we happen to get is going away for a house and house only.
I dont know what I would do without you on this board!!
I also wanted to say that my FIL's are the same as your parents.. in the way that they dont want to invite anyone b/c they feel bad and dont want to cost us alot of $$ - its a weird feeling right? other girls get mad b/c the familes want to invite everyone.. I have to pull teeth to get names out of her!!!

I think I will have this big wedding so I cant dance with you and you DH all night!

Oh honey first off --

I know what it feels like to have someone say something like this -- it just makes you feel so bad your wedding plans. Forget the stuff about because you are already seen as a family and have a child that you 'should' have a small wedding. That's just crap. You 'should' have the wedding that YOU WANT - period. It's YOUR money, isn't it?

Ok now, look at it practically. Yes, you could save the money for a house and have a smaller wedding (you CAN still change your site, cut things out, etc etc) So, plan this smaller wedding in your head and see what happens... does it make you happy? Probably not. Would you regret not having the wedding of your dreams later? Maybe.

Will you be kicking yourself a few months after the wedding for spending all this money and then not being able to afford a house right away? That one you have to answer for yourself. But somehow I don't think you'd be kicking yourself for the rest of your life about it, whereas if you don't have the wedding you've always wanted, you may really regret THAT for the rest of your life. You are still very young and life is so short. Do what makes you happy!!!