A little personal, but.......

I have decided NOT to invite a family friend to the wedding sue to the fact that she is an alcoholic and will probably ge drunk at my wedding. It's a little unfortunate that she nor her husband will be there, but I will have enough to worry about that day. Besides, open bars and alcoholics don't mix. Well that's my vent for the evening.

I'm all for trying to be gracious and thoughtful with your guestlist as a bride but in this case, you definitely have to do what's right for you. At my bridal shower, a friend of my mother's who has never been able to 'hold her liquor well' became a bit out of control. My MIL has Alzheimer's and so does this woman's mother (and they're both Irish with a brogue) and I guess after she had a few drinks she thought my MIL was her mother?? She was pawing her and trying to feed her cake. I didnt see it but my one SIL got really mad. My SIL didnt make a scene but she told me & my DH and I told my mother that unless there was some guarantee that she would behave herself-especialyl staying away from my MIL at the wedding, we would somehow have to disinvite her, which I would have hated to do because she is a lovely woman sober. My mother actually talked with the woman's husband and her friend was on her best behavior at the wedding, thank God. Can you imagine how mortified my DH's family was at that shower?It was especially terrible because it was at a time that my MIL was really taking a downturn and was starting to get worse and the family was already upset about their Mom's condition.

Anyway, if there is the potential for this person to do something out of control, I certainly cant blame you for not inviting her.

This friend of my mother's was not invited to another friend's grandson's wedding this past summer for that exact reason.

You have to do whats best in your eyes
But maybe she will realize that she is at a wedding and control herself

I decided not to invite someone, too. Problem is I already sent them a Save the Date, so it got a little sticky.

She had been having emotional and mental problems and refused to take any medication. She had a history of making horrible scenes at other affairs, and was even 'thrown out' of her own daughter's bridal shower!! A year or two prior.

We had a guest list crisis, and had to trim it down. Since her condition had been deteriorating steadily, and I was concerned about her disrupting the wedding, I chose not to send her the formal invitation. It was a very difficult decision, since she was my best friend's mother.

I talked with my best friend about it first, though, and she said it was fine and she would be better off if her mom wasn't there. So I went ahead and did it.

A week later, my best friend must have changed her mind because she turned on me and screamed at me on the phone. We haven't spoken since....

I still think I made the best choice given the facts, her history, and my best friend's approval. I also had to take into consideration that it was my DH's wedding, too! I just couldn't take a chance that his day would be disrupted and ruined.

Anyway.... Just wanted to say I know where you're coming from. You are spending a lot of money, and this is a very special day for you. You have to do what you feel is best, and what you are comfortable with.

Glad to know Im not the only one.

I have a cousin who is loyal and true, when sober. When drunk he is a nightmare. Agressive, mean and ugly. He's on medication now to calm his agressive behavior, but mixed with alcohol it get's a billion times worse.

Everyone's afraid of him. This is a big man. He was in electrics - AC/Heating, engine room stuff - in the Navy for the past 20 years. Just retired. Still young enough and big enough to take out a few people.

Year ago (im talking decades and prior to his treatment) he took a lead pipe to another person who was much smaller than him. Very sad. His guilt forced him into care.

Invite him or not? I am inviting him. Thankfully my family knows his conditions and I have other people which I trust for descretion who I've spoken with to watch out for him.

I love my cousin. He's been prosecuted and treated like a wild animal ever since that incident. He doesn't deserve that in my mind. He's a human with feelings and guilt. He just can't control his alcohol. It's a disease that he has no hold over. He tries though and for that I admire him. It's an open bar but I am trying to take precautions to make the evening pleasant.

I don't want to end up in the news!!!!

wish i could do the same. but i did tell FH to tell his one friend that is a problem drinker (binge drinker really - will stop for months at a time and then go for weeks at a time) that he CANNOT under any circumstances get totally sh*tfaced at the reception. I've seen him drunk - he acts like a complete d*ck and I don't need to hear the 'what the hell was wrong with that guy' comments after the wedding. I'm so nervous as it is - alot of FH's friends are big drinkers but most can hold their liquor. I don't care about after the recpetion but I really don't need any problems at the reception.