A Q for the married ladies: Total cost of wedding v. amount of gift $$$$

How does the amount of $$$ you got in wedding gifts compare to the total cost of your wedding? (not including rings or honeymoon)

I always hear people talking about trying to 'cover their plate' but there are lots of other expenses too. I'm guessing the average will be in the 65-75 range but I'm really curious

Disclaimer: yes, I know weddings aren't money-making ventures and guests arent supposed to pay for themselves etc. I'm just curious, and where else can you ask this kind of stuff?

we paid our entire wedding ourselves and after all was said we made money. VERY RARE!!!!!!

But we are very gracious to our families and guest who really were so kind to us. We also got 8 couplse who didn't come and didn't send a card (we paid all ready for their meals) so with that we really have amazing family.

We are using it to pay for the HM, some credit card debt and then we should have a good chunk to put away and forget about for a year until we figure out if we can save enough for a house. But we would probably have to move out of state for that.

Just a FYI - the people who gave the most were typically the people you didn't think would give you anything and the people who you thought were going to give the most didn't.

I think nowadays... wedding venues have gotten a lot more expensive per plate... a lot start at $130 and above.. so I don't think the AVERAGE person even 'covers' their plate anymore. I usually give $300 per couple, but I've heard that older guests even family do not give that much.
If a bride chooses a very expensive venue such as Oheka Castle.. I dont' think they would or should expect guests to even cover the plate. JMO.

My parents actually told me 'invite more people, you'll make more money off the wedding'

Ughh, I rather pay for a wedding with people I like...

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Posted by nifheim

Just a FYI - the people who gave the most were typically the people you didn't think would give you anything and the people who you thought were going to give the most didn't.

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funny you say that. i have heard this so many times!

I didn't realize the spread would be so even. I guess there is a lot of variation because of off-season or non-Sat night weddings -- the cost probably fluctuates a lot more than the gifts people give.

pretty wild how balanced it is.

We made about 65% back of what we spent, this including everything that DH's parents paid for as well.

DH's parents paid for the RH (including ceremony) so that was the big ticket thing that we didn't have to pay for ourselves.

If you only count the things that we paid for ourselves then yes we MADE MONEY!
People were very generous and only about 5 people actually bought us real gifts as opposed to check/cash gifts.

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Posted by bluegreen08

I didn't realize the spread would be so even. I guess there is a lot of variation because of off-season or non-Sat night weddings -- the cost probably fluctuates a lot more than the gifts people give.

pretty wild how balanced it is.

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Yea that is the issue - when you planned your wedding do you go all out and for broke or do you fit with in a budget that is good for your income. I mean I know people who paid $175 per head at a top notch catering hall, invited the world and it was at peak season. Then used every dime of money they got back to pay off debt from the wedding and they had to sell a car and take a loan out for their wedding. Both of these people make double if not more then fh and i and they are sitting in more debt then us.

One reason I kinda make fun of people who go beyond what they make for the sake of a 'party' - it means more for them to have people walking away going 'OH MY GOD' then 'such a pretty wedding' and having to be broke and in debt for years.

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Posted by nifheim

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Posted by bluegreen08

I didn't realize the spread would be so even. I guess there is a lot of variation because of off-season or non-Sat night weddings -- the cost probably fluctuates a lot more than the gifts people give.

pretty wild how balanced it is.

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Yea that is the issue - when you planned your wedding do you go all out and for broke or do you fit with in a budget that is good for your income. I mean I know people who paid $175 per head at a top notch catering hall, invited the world and it was at peak season. Then used every dime of money they got back to pay off debt from the wedding and they had to sell a car and take a loan out for their wedding. Both of these people make double if not more then fh and i and they are sitting in more debt then us.

One reason I kinda make fun of people who go beyond what they make for the sake of a 'party' - it means more for them to have people walking away going 'OH MY GOD' then 'such a pretty wedding' and having to be broke and in debt for years.

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I totally agree with you. We had a financial planner come speak at the law school and he said it's simple but the most important thing is not spending more than you have. he said take your income, subtract your savings, your expenses and THEN you have your spending money... not the reverse.

A lot of times more income ends up meaning more expensive taste too, so it doesn't always mean more $$$ saved or more money available to spend. that is sad that your friends make so much money but are in debt, and had to sell their car to pay things off.

This is a good post... we've been wondering the same thing.

I know I'll definitely be upping the amount I give at weddings in the future... covering your plate really doesn't do it. But, as everyone else is saying, you can't be expected to cover the cost of a crazy over the top wedding either... but people who have those weddings don't expect to make it back.

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Posted by tcotier

This is a good post... we've been wondering the same thing.

I know I'll definitely be upping the amount I give at weddings in the future... covering your plate really doesn't do it. But, as everyone else is saying, you can't be expected to cover the cost of a crazy over the top wedding either... but people who have those weddings don't expect to make it back.

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I'm not expecting us to 'break even' -- we have a lot of OOTers and we're the first wedding of our friends so I don't think they really know what weddings cost. I think that's a reality check you get when you are planning your own wedding.

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Posted by Bride 2 Be

since my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding..we will hopefully make a profit...from what i hear you usually see about 1/2 of what you paid

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I'd be happy with 1/2... FH's parents are paying for most of it. 1/2 would be a nice start towards a down payment on a house for us...

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Posted by tcotier

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Posted by Bride 2 Be

since my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding..we will hopefully make a profit...from what i hear you usually see about 1/2 of what you paid

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I'd be happy with 1/2... FH's parents are paying for most of it. 1/2 would be a nice start towards a down payment on a house for us...

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Exactly! DH and I made enough that we can start really buying new bedroom and living room furniture, and still have some left over since we have our apartment already.

Also we're planning on using it to pay off some debt (non-wedding) so that we can truly say we're debt free.

It's going to be great having a bit of extra cash.

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Posted by bluegreen08

How does the amount of $$$ you got in wedding gifts compare to the total cost of your wedding? (not including rings or honeymoon)

I always hear people talking about trying to 'cover their plate' but there are lots of other expenses too. I'm guessing the average will be in the 65-75 range but I'm really curious

Disclaimer: yes, I know weddings aren't money-making ventures and guests arent supposed to pay for themselves etc. I'm just curious, and where else can you ask this kind of stuff?

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i think if you break even with JUST the cost of your RH then youre good. But to also factor in ALL your wedding expenses, such as limo, dress, photographer, make up, hair, favors, invitations, you cant really do that. Most guests but not all go by the rule to cover their plate, its not their problem how much you paid for YOUR limos that ONLY you will use not them, your dress, your photographer which the pics are for you, hair and make up again these are all your things.

So i would just think of your RH balance and see if you make that back, but ill be honest SO many ppl i know dont even make back JUST their RH bill, forget even taking everything else in consideration.

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Posted by nifheim

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Posted by bluegreen08

I didn't realize the spread would be so even. I guess there is a lot of variation because of off-season or non-Sat night weddings -- the cost probably fluctuates a lot more than the gifts people give.

pretty wild how balanced it is.

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Yea that is the issue - when you planned your wedding do you go all out and for broke or do you fit with in a budget that is good for your income. I mean I know people who paid $175 per head at a top notch catering hall, invited the world and it was at peak season. Then used every dime of money they got back to pay off debt from the wedding and they had to sell a car and take a loan out for their wedding. Both of these people make double if not more then fh and i and they are sitting in more debt then us.

One reason I kinda make fun of people who go beyond what they make for the sake of a 'party' - it means more for them to have people walking away going 'OH MY GOD' then 'such a pretty wedding' and having to be broke and in debt for years.

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thats why people shouldn't use CC's or so many even get loans. I told FH that we are going to pay just about everything in cash and we practically have. ONLY just recently we put a few things on CC but small items such as garter, rb pillow, cardbox and these are things we had to bc we got it online, alhough its fh's paypal actually and comes straight out of his bank account so nevermind lol. I dont even have anymore cc's i closed all of them and just have my debit card, and fh has CC's but he hasnt really used it for wedding stuff, i think one deposit of $500 for something bc we didnt have cash on us when we booked.

After the wedding i didnt want to pay off the wedding expenses and go into debt. This way what we do get, we can use it towards necessary things