A question about fear

I have a question to all the preggo ladies here:

How did you overcome the fear of birth!!! I am so incredibly scared. I feel that my whole body will rip apart when that happens, and I can't seem to get rid of this fear!!!

Did anyone feel something similar and how did you overcome this (asides from trying not to think about it)!!!

Thanks

Alina I think it is very normal to fear something that you have never done before b/c you do not know what to expect.

I believe the single biggest deterrent for fear of labor and delivery is education and preparation. Read as much as you possibly can about pregnancy and labor prior to becoming pregnant. By knowing what to expect, you can head off some fears before they even have a chance to develop.

Talk to a doctor/midwife/nurse practicioner about your fears and concerns. Often times, fears are based on irrational things and myths that simply will not happen to you.

Ask questions every step of the way. Remember the old addage? There's no such thing as a stupid question? Truer words were never spoken! Do not settle for a simple answer - ask for detailed explainations whenever possible.

And above all, remember that (someday) at the end of your first labor and delivery, you have a beautiful new child and a new life to celebrate. It makes all the nerves, fear, anxiety worth it!

Alina, I'm with you - I am TERRIFIED!!


Claud, thanks for the good advice!

Exactly once you are pg it is out of your hands. The pain is there, but the minute it is over - you'll be surprised how quickly you forget it

For me pain is not the main issue! I am more concern with loosing my figure for nine month! And then not getting any sleep, desperately trying to lose weight, which doesn't always happen for everyone, and never -ever having you old careless life back! Compare to all the problems that rise after delivery labor is a piece of cake, especially with all the available drugs!

Being emotionally ready for that kind of life is the key!

Alina, don't worry about ripping apart! My friend who just had a baby was 95 pounds before pregnancy! She had a perfectly normal delivery and everything is fine! She is still in one piece! At least physically!

I am also afraid of Pain...thank you Claud for the great advice. I will remember that later when I am ready to TTC.

I also have the same concern as WhatNow?

Uh, I'm due in 15 days and I still haven't overcome the fear!!! J/K!!

I'm not *afraid*... definitely a bit nervous of the 'unknown', but, I know this is a natural and beautiful miracle that's happening to me - one I've waited my whole life for - not to mention, I have no objection to having an epidural to make it just a tad smoother !!!

Plus, if my mom could do it nine times and live to tell about it, I figure I can handle it twice!!

I am truly blessed and I (we) can't wait to meet our Peanut!!! Bring on the pain!!

Claud .... wise words!

I think that this is a day to day struggle, also. The feelings are so overwhelming, sometimes, its hard to know that everything will be ok!

But I try to remember when I am feeling afraid just what you said. That when the day is done, the small sacrifice of labor is worth the lifetime of love that comes afterwards! Its easy to understand why women 'forget' about the pain & have several children!!!

Alina, sweetie. Try not to worry about this too much now & concentrate on your wedding & the beginning of your life with your FH!!!

I'll let you know AFTER I give birth!

All I can add is...it may go much better than you expect or imagine. You can definitely build it up in your mind based on the cumulative effect of hearing 'every-other-woman-in-the-world-who-wants-to-tell-you-about-her-delivery'. I had a very nice birth with Lukie. That's not to say that everyone has an easy time but you just might have a great experience. And you're probably alot stronger - in alot of ways - than you think.

Since I am in middle of this 'fear' here is what I am doing
- I NEVER allow other birth stories into my head. I may read them but I also remind myself that each person is different and that Liz (owner of LIW) had a home birth and was walking 10 minutes afterwards. she had no meds. So that makes me believe that we are all individuals and our bodies are not the same.
-I am going to take hypno birthing classes as well as my child birth classes at the hospital. One of the biggest part of hypnobirthing is fear release. Since I am very afraid of not being in control of the situation, even more than afraid of the pain, I need to learn that I can still be in control of my surrounding during birth. I can still make decisions.
-I picked a midwife that understands my feelings and my fears. She has already said that I need a very calm room without anyone shouting commands at me. and she is VERY right. I don't like being told what to do and honestly, it just makes me more tense. Also the 'cheerleading' stuff will annoy me beyond all belief. I need to stay calm and if there are a lot of people around me I find that very difficult. So it will be only DH, I, her and a nurse in the room.
-I am VERY body conscience. I KNOW people say when the time comes you don't care if the janitor is in the room with you but I do care and I have had nightmares about residents or students being allowed into my room or different nurses trying to exam me. I made this very clear to my midwife that strangers are NOT allowed to exam me. Since I know she respects my wishes I feel a lot better already.
-I KNOW my body will not rip in half because my mother's didn't and my grandmother's didn't and millions of other women's never did either. I KNOW my body is made to do this and it is a very natural thing.
Am I still afraid, yes. Will my classes help- I hope so. But I think the fear release will be the most helpful part of all of it for me.