A question for all the TTCer's...

Claud2001 Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:25 PM

A question for all the TTCer's...

First of all...congrats on your own board. Hopefully you all will find more comfort in each other here...although, I personally don't feel a separate board is necessary...perhaps it is better for you ladies to have a choice NOT to visit Parenting on the days you just don't feel like reading about other peoples' kids.

So now I have a question....we have all heard the TTCer's say over and over ad nauseum that they HATE when people tell them to 'just relax' that 'it will happen' when 'its their time.' I know I have said this to some of my dear friends when they were TTC - with all sincerity, love and supportiveness in my heart. I can understand to a certain degree that it may get frustrating to hear people say this - especially when you have been through years of fertility problems.

But, if it is so awful, then I was wondering if some of you could suggest some other 'helpful' and 'supportive' phrases that your friends CAN use to help lift your heart and your spirits on the days you need it the most. Help us be better friends to our loved ones!
Thanks.

Claud2001 Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:32 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Wow...38 views and not one suggestion?

shamma Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:36 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Claud, I think they just want hugs and a listening ear. I don't think there is anything, anyone can tell them that will make them feel any better. IMO *shrugs*

2003fallwedding Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:38 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

I don't know what to tell you. Unfortunately, there is not much you can say but like Shamma said, hugs and a sympathic ear.

KarenK122 Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:40 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Honestly I prefer if people say nothing at all. I know they all care and want the best for me but honestly there is nothing anyone can say or do.

If there is something good to tell believe me everyone would know :).

MichelleW Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:41 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

I don't really think there is anything you can say. I think it is more of offering to be a good listener and lending a shoulder to cry on

LizD Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:44 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Shamma pretty much hit it on the head. You get to the point that you are totally consumed with trying to have a baby, it is all you think about all the time. When you get to that point and someone says 'just relax, it will happen', while they mean well, it is not always that simple. Some of us have to go as far as fertility treatments, which are not easy at all to relax through. They are expensive and invasive. Sometimes it does not matter how much you relax, it just ain't going to happen the conventional way.

It is hard to suggest what to say. I think just being there to listen, letting them vent, and being a shoulder to cry on is the best thing. Lots of hugs are always helpful too

TrayLu47 Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:47 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Shamma is right, just a listening ear is good enough. However, if you want to say something you can say 'I'll be praying for you and your hubby!' or 'If you need someone to vent to, I'm hear to be a listening ear to you!' After that there's really nothing else you can really say. When someone is going through a hard time, the least said - the better.

LisaW Posted: Feb 23, 2004 04:58 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Posted by LizD

It is hard to suggest what to say. I think just being there to listen, letting them vent, and being a shoulder to cry on is the best thing. Lots of hugs are always helpful too

I saw this question earlier, but couldn't post from work , but this was exactly what I was going to say!

jennbaby Posted: Feb 23, 2004 05:55 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Say anything BUT relax, it will happen, take a break etc!

Just tell us you are there to listen. Thats all!

juju Posted: Feb 25, 2004 08:36 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

I always say, 'ill keep you in my prayers' and I just listen. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

swags1016 Posted: Feb 25, 2004 10:29 PM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

Claud I agree, there is nothing right to say. That is why I didn't really post when we started trying. I didn't really post anything about it until the MC. It is one of those subjects that unfortunately there is nothing right to say, only because we hear it so often. I was sick of hearing are you pregnant yet, don't worry it will happen. I heard that today infact and didn't feel like talking about the MC so it burned. I know it came from the right place but it still burned.

Hugs and a supportive ear truly is the best advice and if they want an opinion they will ask.

I think it is truly sweet that you are so considerate enough to ask!

Stef28 Posted: Feb 26, 2004 09:01 AM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

For me it's nice to just to hear that your friends are thinking about you.

I prefer -- how are you doing? Do you want to talk about it? I am thinking about you a lot.

My one friend always tells me: I just feel it in my heart that it's going to happen for you.

That makes me feel so good. Encouragement is best I think.

But 'Just relax', 'you're thinking about it too much', 'When you are not thinking about it it will happen' are just things I do NOT want to hear.

Even 'it will happen when the time is right' is really starting to get on my nerves!

Okay -- phew -- thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

M&M2004 Posted: Feb 26, 2004 09:14 AM

Re: A question for all the TTCer's...

I think its sort of the same when people ask 'when are you getting married'.....'don't worry the right guy is out there'....Don't worry you'll meet someone' etc. Althought I always hated when people said that I knew that they had my best interests at heart.