Brides Helping Brides ™ - A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Mar 27, 2007 11:01 AM

A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

Some of us had certain people who gave us grief during the planning process. Some had it way worse than others but stress is stress so my question is --

Now that the wedding is over, how is your relationship with those people who gave you grief? Did it get better with time? Did it get worse after the wedding? Do you just not speak to those people anymore?

M&S Sept12006 Posted: Mar 27, 2007 11:14 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I have definitely developed sort of resentment towards those people. Well its actually just one person...and its funny bc she is getting married this year herself. Although I try not to be spiteful and act the same way she did when I was planning my wedding, I definitely let her know (indirectly) on more than one occassion how she made me feel during my planning process since its being done to her now by other people...karma is a biatch but hey it is what it is.

ETA: We still talk, but its not the same...it'll never be the same.

angnick Posted: Mar 27, 2007 11:37 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

yes i would say i'm a bit resent ful toward some people.

some, the relationship is basically ruined.

i am only referring to 2 people that helped to make my wedding planning process difficult.

karma is a biotch , i agree.

ewickens Posted: Mar 27, 2007 11:46 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I no longer talk to one of my BM who gave me so much h*ll a week before my wedding. I have my friends and I know who I can turn to when I need help and she's not one of them anymore.

As for the family who skipped out or bailed - I was angry for a few months afterward and it's past now, although I'm envious of my cousins who are getting married this year and the family that missed my wedding are going to these two weddings and one is in CA, so some resentment still stands.

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Mar 27, 2007 03:05 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I tried to stay away from the person for a while without much success. They have to be in my life and to this day, I'm unsure as to whether or not they are blissfully ignorant of what they've done or if they will just never acknowledge it.

In any case, I've received confirmation that they never wanted the two of us to get married - even though that was made clear to everyone around us.

Being the bigger person is HARD.

njbound07 Posted: Mar 27, 2007 03:22 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

hey there an 07'er crashing your boards!

I had a best friend of 18 years.. who b.s'd me about paying for dress.. always telling me that the check was in the e-mail.. yada yada yada... the check was never in the mail! I had to put all of the dresses on my credit card.. with the understanding that they were going to pay be back within 1 month.. she should've told me that she could not afford to pay for the dress.. but she didn't respect me or the friendship to do so. She was too risky.. she never showed up for our engagement party.. who's say that she would've flaked at the wedding??!!!

I had another friend for 5 years.. act a fool at my bridal shower.. insulting everyone.. I had to cut her loose..

Then on my wedding day.. a BM threw up during our weddinf vows... at the alter.. in front of our family, friends and co-workers! never said sorry.. She must've thought that it was ok.. as she didn't have/never had any respect for us.. ever.

needless to say I don't speak to none of the above.. and I don't feel like lost any friends.

DandS Posted: Mar 27, 2007 03:23 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I did not have any problems or stress during the wedding planning, however one of my guy friends started a major fight at my wedding and that cost us our friendship. He was extremely drunk and hit on every woman that was in the room (including me and my mother - hello I just got married!). He was trying to kiss everyone whether they were married or not and by the end of the night my cousin had it and when he went after my cousins wife who kept telling him to get away from her, my cousin lost it. He tried to throw him down 3 flights of stairs and was punching him and ready to kill him. Unfortunately I did not know he was doing this all night or I would have sent him home a lot earlier. I just thought he was drunk. Anyway it only lasted 5-10 minutes and only my side of the family knew (that is how little the scene was). My catering hall quickly took care of it and kicked him out and someone stood at the door to make sure he did not some back in. Anyway we do not talk anymore (even though he is still trying to call me). I know he is very sorry but I could not believe that he did that to me on my wedding day. I was going to forgive him until I later found out that some of my family member weren't dancing because they had to watch him all night with the women, and that some other people couldn't wait for the night to be over so they could get away from him. I feel that he ruined my wedding day for those few people and that is why I will never speak to him again.

LBride Posted: Mar 27, 2007 06:30 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I still have hurt feelings towards some of my ILs.....

GsCM4EVA Posted: Mar 27, 2007 09:30 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

beautyq115 Posted: Mar 27, 2007 09:32 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

Just glad I never have to deal with them again! I barely talk to them and that is fine with me!

MrsStefan Posted: Mar 27, 2007 10:19 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

This is an interesting question. I had a girl in my bridal party back out. She does not speak to me anymore, even though she BACKED OUT. We were friends for over 9 years.

I had a difficult time with my MIL and my sister in law. While my MIL acts like everything is fine, I have been unable to let go of the things she said to me, about me, and about my family. I am working on it, but it is hard. As for my sister in law.....well, thats a work is progress. She is hard for even DH to get along with. I will continue to work on both of these relationships, but I have been unable to get past a lot of things that were said. DH knows how I feel, but I try not to express it too much to him because it will only strain our relationship.

ETA: I am finding it hard to deal with my MIL because my SIL expected to get engaged soon. My MIL told me that she is planning on having her wedding at a VERY expensive place. This boils my blood because of all of the grief my MIL put us through and insisting on having certain things for the wedding even though she didn't offer to pay. (We didn't do the things she wanted)

BKtoLI Posted: Mar 27, 2007 11:56 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

Most know all of the grief I had from 2 members of my bridal party.

One is a friend and we barely speak anymore. I even forgot her birthday this past weekend which is completely not like me since she said I was the only one who would always remember. Plus she only messaged me since to tell me she's pregnant....again. (This is child #4 from man #3) As we get older, I feel like i have nothing more to say to her anyway. I have no tolerance for people who complain about their situation yet do nothing about it.

The other is not easy because it's my cousin. I went upstate for her son's bday party and wasn't going to bring a gift out of spite (she didn't even give us a card from her family) but DH insisted. We've been cordial to a point, but even my brother asks if she has apologized yet which she hasn't.

One of these days I will tell both how I feel. Maybe next month on our anniversary when we get those calls I'll let them know how I'm over it but I will never forget it.

soon2bcopswife Posted: Mar 28, 2007 09:15 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I had a BM who told me 'if someone ever asks me to be in their wedding again, i'll say no...cause it suc*s'. This is the same BM who left my bridal shower when I got there because her NEW boyfriend's cousin was having a surprise party...i was fuming.

Fast forward to the wedding, she left early because her New boyfriend had allergies.
Needless to say, it's been almost a year since our wedding and I have yet to see her. She claims she is too busy. Now she is engaged and I can't help but not care.....maybe she'll see what it's like to be engaged and get no help.

JldDolphin Posted: Mar 29, 2007 09:55 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

Let's just say I will never forget what some people said to us about the wedding planning or what others didn't do to help out. There are things I learned in planning our wedding and I will never let certain people do what they did to us again. Some people make bigger things out of something small and in the end it really wouldn't have been a big deal to others at the wedding. So you live and you learn.

Audreygirl Posted: Mar 29, 2007 10:26 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I had a problem with one of my bm's - though it wasn't serious, it was typical of her. she is very needy and always wants attention by saying she's not feeling well, has a headache, has to buy a house in pr, etc. etc. when we went bm dress shopping (the ONE AND ONLY time we ever shopped b/c we bought the dresses that day), she had a pout on her face the whole time while the rest of my bm's and i were enjoying ourselves. i just ignored her.

at this point, we don't really speak as much, but it's b/c i've been getting tired of her for quite a while, not just during the wedding. i feel an obligation to stay friends with her b/c dh and i met b/c of her. also, she is a good person, but can be exhausting to deal with.

also my IL's. the day of our wedding they LEFT without even saying goodbye - just left. none of the girls in dh's family even showed up to my shower, though they all said they would be there. none bothered to even send a card either. i try not to say too much b/c dh gets really offended, so i just save face and stay polite to these people.

aliwnec10 Posted: Mar 29, 2007 11:36 AM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

my issues were with my actual family so that made it even worse.

-lets just say that my brother called everyone else in our family the day before my wedding and told everyone else that he wasn't coming. He never called me, sent a card, NOTHING. ***We no longer talk, nor do i ever plan on it.

-my sister and i have had issues in the past. We resolved those issues. however she told me she wasn't going to come to my wedding, nor would my nieces be in the wedding as my FG's (a month before my wedding). Then she ended up coming to the ceremony, my nieces were in the wedding and then she left afterwards because she didn't want to find a babysitter nor have the girls stay. ***We don't speak either.

CLMon7906 Posted: Mar 29, 2007 12:22 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

Well, the first time I was engaged, I actually cut ties completely with someone who had too many opinions. [no wedding, but still no speaky]

This time around, I would say some things with some people are strained some...but overall, we all got over it.

waterspout4 Posted: Mar 29, 2007 01:33 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

I had 2 BM drop out within weeks of the wedding. One was very nice about it (as she found out she was about to be laid off) and I couldn't fault her for not being able to afford the trip anymore. I tried keeping in touch with her, but she doesn't respond very much. But the other one dropped out via email then told me to give her dress back and send her the refund. Um....that's not how it works. Needless to say, we're done!

akaMrsT Posted: Mar 29, 2007 08:32 PM

Re: A Serious (Post) WR Question for You All

Interesting topic given that our 1 year anniversary is tomorrow.

We had a few people flake out and give us grief about our wedding but one person in particular tried to ruin the day. One of DH's 3 brother's was a complete jerk and did not attend because we would not let him bring his whore of the week...especially since his wife was invited and one of his sex buddies/ girlfriends (also DH's neighbor). He also backed out of giving a ride to two other guests - his aunt & cousin. DH got a call the day before our wedding asking if he wanted his aunt to attend or his cousin (her daughter) since their ride backed out and the new ride only had room for one. What kind of crap is that to ask a groom the day before his wedding

They did find a ride but due to the stress that the jerk caused I do not speak to him at all anymore. I had warned our DOC about him possibly showing up since I did not want blood on my gown. He didn't show although he allegedly bought a new suit for our wedding and took the day off work. DH speaks to him sometimes but the relationship is strained. He never calls here at all and only calls DH's cell phone.

DH's other brother did not attend since his wife would not let him. The family does not like her, never did, but she is wife #3 and everyone sort of deals with her demeaning crap....except me & DH. This brother is well off and his wife tries to buy the family into submission. DH told her off a while ago and refused to try to make amends like the rest of the family does. We did not invite her to our wedding so that caused a huge rift with DH's brother (her husband) and most of his kids (5 sons + wives & their kids). DH speaks to one of the 5 nephews but not his brother.