a wwyd question

Ever since my fsil (FHs sister whom I'm very close with) was planning her wedding in 2010, I've always said I wanted to do a jewel toned theme with some rustic elements. My idea was for my MOH, and 3 BMs to each wear a different color, and the GMs to match. Well my fsil decided to do this for her wedding (but used sunset colors- red, orange, and yellow). Needless to say, I was a bit annoyed but since I was only with FH for a few months at that point, I let it go- it was her wedding, not mine.

Fast forward to today. Fsil asks me what I was planning on doing for my theme. I say to her that I'm really loving the deep jewel colored dresses, and thinking of going with my original idea of each BM in a different color. Well... She was NOT happy to hear that. She said in such a snarky tone ' we'll you can do that I won't be offended, but just know all of my family is going to think you copied me'.

I'm so pissed and so is FH. Even though I wasn't engaged, I was the one who mentioned it , and she took the idea went with it. She even went as far as to tell her mother (fmil) and SHE called me saying it wouldn't be a good idea, it'll cause tension in the family, and that I should just pick one color for the BMs, and use the other colors in other elements. We haven't even been planning the wedding for a day, and we've already had our first problem

So... My wwyd question... Would you just go ahead and say 'eff them, I'll do what I want', or keep the peace and choose another theme. I'm not one for confrontation whatsoever, but I feel like if I give in to one thing, that will open doors for them to critique EVERY idea I have.

Ugh, if you made it this long, thank you!

It seems like FSIL is the one with the problem. The fact that she went and 'told' on you to her mommy just screams ISSUES.

It'll be 3-4 years after her wedding that you'll be getting married (assuming she got married in 2010-2011) so I doubt all the family will remember that she had the GMs match the different toned BM. I have a friend who got married towards the end of 2010 and I know her girls wore red with a brown-ish sash... I don't remember what the guys wore.

I say EFF IT. Do what you want. You're doing TOTALLY different colors and 8 million brides a year I'm sure do different colored dresses.

thank you for reassuring me! I feel like it wouldn't be MY wedding if I have to constantly 'check' with my inlaws to see if its ok. I'd like them to be in the planning process, but from a distance . I'm hoping this doesn't make me sound like a bridezilla!!

I say just do what you want to do.

My FSIL is getting married this May (my original plan was to get married this May), and wanted to do grey bridesmaid dresses (which I also plan on doing). I had to get FH involved to tell her that I had wanted grey dresses since before we even got engaged, and that if she did it, it would really hurt us. I also didn't want her to do grey tuxes, but apparently her FH (who FH and I think is a ******) already bought one, even after we asked them not to make any further decisions without speaking to us first.

I know it's frustrating, but I'd just let her say what she wants to say to make her feel better. I promise no one but her is going to 'think you copied her'.

I agree with everyone on here that it's your wedding and you should do what you want.... however, when my sister got married a similar situation happened and she basically said screw you and did what she wanted (In-Laws wanted a spring wedding instead of fall because all of her husbands' cousins would be in college and it would be annoying for all of his aunts/uncles to fly the cousins back from school and then come to NY for a wedding) - This was also early on in the planning, and the family as a result made the rest of the planning process a living hell for her

Looking back, she said she would've just made the wedding in the spring and the process would have been way more fun- his sisters and mom complained about everything from BM dresses, bridal shower, vendors etc and said everything was 'tacky' at the wedding, probably because they couldn't get over the fact that the wedding date wasn't moved.

Because this is not a HUGE factor in your wedding, I would think about the rest of the wedding process and just weigh the options- if your FH's parents are like the ones i mentioned above, I would just drop it to avoid the conflict!

Do what you want! It's your vision and your wedding.

PS My BM's are all wearing different dresses that are different jewel toned colors! I love it!!

Well after speaking with FH and my inlaws this morning, we decided to go in another direction. They said fsil is making a big stink about it, and it would be easier on everyone if we just did something else. While I'm fuming because I feel I shouldn't have to bow down to her, I'm not going to get to her level and argue over a color of a dress. I'm taking the high road ( but this completes changes the dynamic of our relationship now ).

On a positive note, my inlaws offered to cover all costs of our venue
. I guess it's their way of making it up to us. I don't want to change my theme completely, but what I was thinking of doing was having my MOH in one color, and my 3 BMs in another color. OR just have everyone in a simple black dress, and having them wear different colored heels. And have my MOH wear a jeweled belt so she stands out.