AARGH!! My first frustration with LIW!! (long, very long)

I usually think that the open forum we have here is fantastic, but a post on BHB asking about Jenn and Oksana (not as vendors, but a tipping for trials question) is driving me nuts!!!

When someone asks a question, especially about finances, it is NOT COOL to tell people (especially when you are wrong!!!) that they need to spend MORE money than necessary.

If being an LI Bride teaches us anything, is that luxury weddings are not out of reach, and as someone who probably has more to spend than my fellow brides in their 20's, I really don't like when there is a 'challenge' to spend more

words like

No respectable *** would charge less than

Anyone with class would tip

etc.

No one with class would tell someone what they SHOULD spend or HAVE to do with their money, and I'm finding that there is an assumption if you're not willing to spend your money unnecessarily that is a comment on your class level or finances. Spending less for more means you are smarter. Let's support everyone who isn't overspending, because they'll be in better shape 5 years after their wedding than those who are!!!

i dont think you should get this mad...i saw the class comment but ill stay away from that comment since i didnt say it and not my job to defend it or say anything about it.

But this thread will only start more trouble with girls saying its stupid to spend alot, then other girls taking offense to that comment and feel they are being called stupid.

The point isn't to say a whole group of girls are smarter than others, everyone is different and what is wrong for one person is right for another person and vice versa. Its not about everyone doing the same things as us and only thinking those who make the same decisions are the smart ones and everyone else is stupid and their life will be screwed up 5 years from now. I think as adults we can accept others for what they do and who they are and not judge everyone who does anything different than we do

I understand you're mad about some comments that were made and ill say that it did go too far and uncalled for.

However, i also answered to that thread and said that i do tip a salon owner. Just bc somebody disagrees doesnt mean anybody needs to get mad...you dont have to get mad at those who do and vice versa

and there has been drama on the boards when ppl made comments before such as 'you get what you pay for' its wrong when that happened but saying that people who pay a little bit more are stupid is doing the same thing. We just all have to realize that we all do things differently.

NOW to say that some brides on here convince others to spend more is ridiculous. If you read my post, the first thing i said is that my mother owned salons in the past and she did get tipped even as the owner...did you think that maybe just maybe i tip owners bc of the fact that my mother was one and it has nothing to do with getting brides to spend more. So of course with the fact that my mom has been in this industry for MANY years i look at things differently. Ive seen the good and bad and have seen that as the owner she can make less than the employee's, that as the owner there are LOTS of expenses and its not easy. So having a parent that basically lived off of tips i will have a different outlook. Whether owner or not, bc she has been both and i know how much tips can make a difference. If my mom wasnt in that business then i would probably feel different, im more sensitive to it bc of her.

If you were upset about the whole class comment that was made then you should address that. I even try to lighten things with you in that thread but you were so mad at the other persons comment that no matter what i said to try and make things better for you, you still kept attacking.


You shouldnt take offense to someone suggesting something different than what you said...the class comment yes i see why youre mad and dont blame you

As I said, not personally targeted, just a general feeling lately. I'm not mad, my wedding is planned and ready to roll, but lately I am witnessing competitiveness in the wrong direction, and it was NOT aimed at you or anyone in particular, but the 'salon sense' and 'class' comments were absolutely ridiculous (they were not your comments, and moreover were completely irrelevant to the discussion). My frustration is not aimed at you Espo, you and I just happened to be the ones talking most!!!

Please don't take it as personal, it was not, your comments were not the ones that p'ed me off!

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Posted by lanamanitta

As I said, not personally targeted, just a general feeling lately. I'm not mad, my wedding is planned and ready to roll, but lately I am witnessing competitiveness in the wrong direction, and it was NOT aimed at you or anyone in particular, but the 'salon sense' and 'class' comments were absolutely ridiculous (they were not your comments, and moreover were completely irrelevant to the discussion). My frustration is not aimed at you Espo, you and I just happened to be the ones talking most!!!

Please don't take it as personal, it was not, your comments were not the ones that p'ed me off!

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i completely understand which comments made you upset, thats why i said if it bothered you, then address it...not even to start drama but just to say that those comments are really uncalled for and going too far and you don't appreciate it being said to you.

Honestly, i have to say unfortunately during wedding planning there are lots of ups and downs. Sometimes we focus so much on the details and whether we are doing enough and it can drive us insane. We have all pictured this day for god knows how long so its normal to stress and worry about all these things. I will say that the funny thing is that right before my wedding i didnt care about any of the details, and at times i will say maybe i focused too much on some things during planning...but when there were a few short weeks before the wedding, it wasnt all the extras i thought about, it wasnt about all the little things we obsess about and sometimes yes thought about things we felt we had to have...all i kept thinking about was marrying my best friend. All i pictured was him seeing me for the first time, exchanging our vows and just celebrating with our loved ones. Sometimes its very easy to lose sight of that during the planning, and i was guilty of that too so i wont make excuses. But when the day comes you realize what truly matters and what the day is really all about. I would do that day over again just to see dh's face first time he saw me, to do our first dance again, to hear him saying the things he said to me, not bc of everything else

You will go through more frustration and just planning BS...just focus on what you know is important and that day nothing else will matter more than the true reason for all of this. So dont let others get you annoyed. I had some of the worst luck during planning. Just to name a few things, i had surgery and had a scare, my dad had a heart attack and was hospitalized for a month, i broke my foot and was on crutches just a few weeks before the wedding with my dumb luck lol, and thats just a few things, dh and i joke that we have some curse put on us lol. There were some things that happened and ill say for MONTHS in 07 i had no desire for planning, i just couldnt get into it with everything going on. Just dont let that happen to you, enjoy this time.

and also its LIW people argue all the time, theres drama just dont let it really get to you.

Thanks for that, I think my frustration just 'boiled over' and I'm glad I said what I said, but it was really not a personal thing toward anyone, just a feeling I was having, and now that it's out, it's out. That's how I am. I get it out by letting it out, not holding it in . . . .

And hey Espo, you Married lady, you will have 1 year and 1 week on me when I tie the knot, so I hope you're still willing to give advice come my time!!!!