? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

August2003 Posted: May 27, 2003 08:11 PM

? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

My fh's mom has Alzheimer's and won't be able to attend the wedding. In fact, today the assisted living place told us that she is getting kicked out and we need to find a nursing home asap. We are very concerned about my ffil and don't know how to introduce him at the reception. We considered eliminating the intros but found that many people would be disappointed. Any advise on how to do it in an appropriate manner?

Stacey1403 Posted: May 27, 2003 08:13 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

Does your FH have a sister, or maybe FFIL have a sister he can escort in?

julybride444 Posted: May 27, 2003 08:16 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

Wow, we have a similar problem only with grandmothers. FH's grandmother has alzheimers and is in a nursing home. We wanted to honor our grandmothers that day, so we will include her too by saying that she is thought of in absentia. (or something a little less stuffy than that).

Why don't you talk to FFIL about it? Ask him how he feels? Maybe he'd want to walk in alone, and then at the end you could have something said about FMIL, or when he's introduced they could introduce him and say something like 'Introducing the FOG and in spirit his Mother....'.

I'm not sure what'll work best, but maybe FH and FFIL should talk about how each of them feel about it and decide that way.

JMO-but I don't think having him walk in with someone else would necessarily be right, without some mention of FH's mom. One of the hard things about altzheimers is that line that gets crossed when people feel or act as if the person has already passed away. That always causes a lot of ambiguous feelings for the family...FMIL should be mentioned if there are introductions.

August2003 Posted: May 27, 2003 08:17 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

Yes! He has a sister and we were thinking about her being an 'escort', but she is in the bridal party. Do you think it would be ok to ask ffil's sister to escort her brother into the dining room??Thank you!

August2003 Posted: May 27, 2003 08:23 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

Thank you July Bride! It is so hard because everyones feelings are different. My fh is okay with some things and my ffil seems to feel uncomfortable with them and reversed. It is SO DIFFICULT when there are so many feelings involved. My main concern is for my fh to have a good time and not cry or get upset about his mom not being there. I feel so bad and can't imagine being in his place. That's why im asking you guys. You seem to have solutions for everything.

julybride444 Posted: May 27, 2003 08:44 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

I'm so sorry for your FH, it's a really aweful thing to go through. If it were me, I'd encourage FH and FFIL to talk about it and come up with something together, you could even mediate...but I'd let them decide since this is a very hard situation for them both and how it's handled is a very delicate matter.

This is JMO, but I think FFIL should be able to decide for the most part, and as long as FH isn't mortified by whatever he's requesting-do it. I can't imagine seeing my child marry knowing that my spouse is alive but unable to attend or comprehend. Of course I can't imagine your FH's situation either.

Best of luck to you all in the future. I hope that your FMIL finds a save haven where she is cared for and comfortable and that her loved ones find peace in that. I'm not a religious person...but your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

regina2 Posted: May 27, 2003 10:12 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

Does your FH have any nieces? I was told by a DJ that if their spouse has passed away that it breaks the tention if he is escorted by a younger member of the family...grandchild

Sunny Posted: May 27, 2003 10:13 PM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

I think asking ffil's sister is a great idea!!!

yabbobay Posted: May 28, 2003 01:07 AM

Re: ? About Intro when Fam. mem. sick and can't attend

what about a granddaughter?

DH's father died before he was born...so we were just going to have her walk in alone...but instead the DJ suggested that her grandson escort her...it was adorable...