Adressing Invitation

Outer: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Inner: It's really up to you, I'm putting:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith

for the outer I put Mr & Mrs Andrew Jones
If it was an unmarried/living together I put Mr Andrew Jones and Ms Nicole Smith

Inside I put as casual, Uncle Bob and Aunt Cathy
Nicole and Drew
Etc....

I'm not using Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Lots of women these days do not give up their first names once they are married.
I always use BOTH first names or none at all.
Jane and John Smith or just The Smith Familt or The Smiths

I think that's the fair way to do it.
Some people say it isn't proper but it is just more modern and FH and I agree that our goal is to make people comfortable - not to get a prize for adhering to traditions that could offend some people. Personally - I would be really offended if I my name didn't appear anywhere on an invite.

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Posted by Bebalina

REALLY? I didn't know that... thanks!

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thanks nsgraham!

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Posted by samsbride

I'm not using Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Lots of women these days do not give up their first names once they are married.
I always use BOTH first names or none at all.
Jane and John Smith or just The Smith Familt or The Smiths

I think that's the fair way to do it.
Some people say it isn't proper but it is just more modern and FH and I agree that our goal is to make people comfortable - not to get a prize for adhering to traditions that could offend some people. Personally - I would be really offended if I my name didn't appear anywhere on an invite.

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Mrs. John Smith is the woman's name.

People call her John? What do they call her husband then?
She still has a first name.
Well, at least most peole I know keep their first names.

I did Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith.

It's your call. Martha Stewart calls this 'semi-formal.' I like it because I know I'd like anything sent to us to have both out names on it, but most people do things traditionally.

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Posted by samsbride

People call her John? What do they call her husband then?
She still has a first name.
Well, at least most peole I know keep their first names.

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She is referred to as MRS. John Smith. You said that the woman's name wouldn't be on the invitation, and I was just pointing out that this is her name. Obviously John is not the woman's first name. If you want to address your invitations informally, go ahead.

Hmm - I never thought of it as informal to call someone by their real name. I guess I just think it's more important to address people in a way that is respectful rather than something created two hundred years ago to show that a woman was indeed a man's posession (not a femi-nazi comment - that is the real reason they added an 's' to a man's name - to show ther this thing or person belonged to him. I think the Mrs John Smith was proper at one time when people didn't really know better but most women I know really want to keep their first names. I'm lucky that my Fh said he will never call me by his first name - he finds it offensive as well as confusing.
New etiquette has changed a lot and most people I know are moving towards this method.
Honestly - most old people don't mind so if you've got people who you know prefer the old method - do it. Just be mindful of those who want to be called by their own name.

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Posted by Kelly9904

for the outer I put Mr & Mrs Andrew Jones
If it was an unmarried/living together I put Mr Andrew Jones and Ms Nicole Smith

Inside I put as casual, Uncle Bob and Aunt Cathy
Nicole and Drew
Etc....

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Same here

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Posted by samsbride

Hmm - I never thought of it as informal to call someone by their real name. I guess I just think it's more important to address people in a way that is respectful rather than something created two hundred years ago to show that a woman was indeed a man's posession (not a femi-nazi comment - that is the real reason they added an 's' to a man's name - to show ther this thing or person belonged to him. I think the Mrs John Smith was proper at one time when people didn't really know better but most women I know really want to keep their first names. I'm lucky that my Fh said he will never call me by his first name - he finds it offensive as well as confusing.
New etiquette has changed a lot and most people I know are moving towards this method.
Honestly - most old people don't mind so if you've got people who you know prefer the old method - do it. Just be mindful of those who want to be called by their own name.

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I agree 100%. I don't care if etiquette calls it 'formal' or 'informal' - my name is NOT Mrs. John Smith.

We are doing Mr. & Mrs. James Jones for inner & outer. I like doing things the traditional way.
My mom still refers to herself as Mrs. Robert ... even though my dad passed away 20 years ago. My gmthr likes that too.
I also think you should make a point to find out all guests names if possible. I hate when FH gets invited as 'guest' eventhough hes been in the fam for over 5 years now. Just ask me or my mom what his name is if you forgot (sorry for the vent - that justs annoys me)

Sorry to keep this going. I'm surprised that it is so important to have a guests name but not a woman's name? Doesn't that seem contradictory? My assumption is that you know the women and their names but not the guests.

(By the way - I totally agree with you about getting the name of the guest on the invite though. MY Fh has been called 'Guest' so many times now that he wants to send my friends who invited him to their weddings as 'Guest' a special invitation that is printed to say they are cordially invited to the wedding of Jane Smith and Guest since they clearly know him only as Guest!)