advice needed

First, lots of and for what you're going through.
Second, I may be the harsh one suggesting this but I think calling off the wedding is a needed step here. There are too many red flags raised in your post about your fiance's recent activities and his explanations. He seems to have an excuse ready just so you could believe it. I am skeptical by nature and I just think if at any point you feel you can't trust your fiance, that its best NOT to compound the issue by getting married.

I suggest you and him seek couples' counseling first before putting the wedding back on (if he really is serious about fixing his issues that clearly are upsetting you). These type of issues only grow worse after marriage.

do you think he may be cheating on you (or thinking of cheating)? if you do, then you should think about cancelling the wedding. But if you're sure he's loyal, i see nothing wrong with what he's done (just saving emails doesn't mean anything).


ETA: adding hugs for you because stress sucks

I am sorry but I think you are overreacting! Obviously, he has nothing to hide since you have all his passwords. I think the problem is that you were really looking for something. Maybe he really did put it there for his friend. Is that a crime? FH has a coworker who has escorts all the time. He tells me the stories and I think they are funny. I would never accept FH to do it but some men thin its ok and there is nothing wrong with him getting his friend a gift he think he would appreciate . I could understand your concerns but really don't think this is a reason to call off the wedding.

Regardless of whether or not your FH remembers pulling up those links, I need to be honest with you about something, I'm sorry if this seems harsh, it's just the truth.

All guys look at porn. This includes, happily married, those who have sex on a regular basis, etc. (I know my DH does, my dad does, my uncle does...and I know this because guys talk about that kind of stuff with each other and sometimes you just overhear things.) Why do you think so many girls take b-pics? Because they're trying to get themselves in on the action somehow. And if it's for his friend, why get so worked up over it?

All of this doesn't mean he loves you less. It means he's a normal guy. As long as he doesn't pull a Trey MacDougal and would rather have his good times on his own than with you, it's totally normal.

I'd let it go, and honestly, if a guy wants to have McDonald's every once in awhile, that doesn't mean he loves you any less either. It just means once in awhile he wants junk food. If he lies, it's because he cares about you and don't want to lose you.

I think you have pre wedding jitters and need to relax a bit. Get a massage or something?

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Posted by ready2wed

I am sorry but I think you are overreacting! Obviously, he has nothing to hide since you have all his passwords. I think the problem is that you were really looking for something. Maybe he really did put it there for his friend. Is that a crime? FH has a coworker who has escorts all the time. He tells me the stories and I think they are funny. I would never accept FH to do it but some men thin its ok and there is nothing wrong with him getting his friend a gift he think he would appreciate . I could understand your concerns but really don't think this is a reason to call off the wedding.

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i have to agree - you're wayyy overreacting! even if he was looking at erotic websites, who cares? it's not a crime to look is it? maybe he really doesn't remember, and they really are getting for a friend. and as for the mcdonalds thing, i'm not really sure why you'd get mad at him for eating what he wants to eat. it's mean to say but that's a little controlling, no?

unless you have a reason to believe he's cheating on you (which nothing in your post above really says anything about cheating) i don't think you should be calling off your wedding. everyone does things we don't like/agree with at times! that's part of life and part of being in a relationship... you fight, you make up! it's going to happen many times!

I'm sorry, but I think you're overreacting. You have all his info, passwords, etc. I really don't think he's trying to hide anything. Maybe he said he 'couldn't remember' that he saved those pages to his drafts because he was embarrassed or put on the spot.
Just take a deep breath and try to relax

wait I'm really confused. You found ads...not emails right?

I look up stuff constantly online. who knows what I've saved.

I think calling off the wedding bc he has some ads saved is a bit much. Are there other issues under all this?

I'm going to get in trouble here, but I think maybe you're a bit controlling. Getting mad over his eating fast food? I mean it's not my business I know but if my FH denied eating mcD's I don't think I'd even care. hell, I dont think 'd care if he ate it in the 1st place.

I'd let it go.

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Posted by MrsInglima

Regardless of whether or not your FH remembers pulling up those links, I need to be honest with you about something, I'm sorry if this seems harsh, it's just the truth.

All guys look at porn. This includes, happily married, those who have sex on a regular basis, etc. (I know my DH does, my dad does, my uncle does...and I know this because guys talk about that kind of stuff with each other and sometimes you just overhear things.) Why do you think so many girls take b-pics? Because they're trying to get themselves in on the action somehow. And if it's for his friend, why get so worked up over it?

All of this doesn't mean he loves you less. It means he's a normal guy. As long as he doesn't pull a Trey MacDougal and would rather have his good times on his own than with you, it's totally normal.

I'd let it go, and honestly, if a guy wants to have McDonald's every once in awhile, that doesn't mean he loves you any less either. It just means once in awhile he wants junk food. If he lies, it's because he cares about you and don't want to lose you.

I think you have pre wedding jitters and need to relax a bit. Get a massage or something?

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agreed!!!!! btw i find the mcdonalds in my fh truck too! it makes me mad, but my whole family knows, and it ends up being the blunt of a lot of jokes...

Honestly, I think it's a gross invasion of privacy that you would go through his e-mails. If DH did that to me, I'd be furious, even though I have nothing to hide. The saying goes people who eavesdrop seldom hear good of themselves. I kinda think the same goes for snooping- you snoop enough and you are BOUND to find something you don't like.

Putting that aside, I agree with the previous posters. I think you are overreacting. All guys look at porn. It's what they do. It's kinda gross, but do you trust him? Do you think he's gonna be going out behind your back to get a hooker? Trust your gut and please, please, please don't let this ruin your wedding!

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Posted by MrsInglima

Regardless of whether or not your FH remembers pulling up those links, I need to be honest with you about something, I'm sorry if this seems harsh, it's just the truth.

All guys look at porn. This includes, happily married, those who have sex on a regular basis, etc. (I know my DH does, my dad does, my uncle does...and I know this because guys talk about that kind of stuff with each other and sometimes you just overhear things.) Why do you think so many girls take b-pics? Because they're trying to get themselves in on the action somehow. And if it's for his friend, why get so worked up over it?

All of this doesn't mean he loves you less. It means he's a normal guy. As long as he doesn't pull a Trey MacDougal and would rather have his good times on his own than with you, it's totally normal.

I'd let it go, and honestly, if a guy wants to have McDonald's every once in awhile, that doesn't mean he loves you any less either. It just means once in awhile he wants junk food. If he lies, it's because he cares about you and don't want to lose you.

I think you have pre wedding jitters and need to relax a bit. Get a massage or something?

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i happen to agree......well said

I have to agree with the other girls. I definitely think you're overreacting, and that's a lot coming from me who is ALWAYS overreacting. I've also tried to catch DH in lies and have gotten upset about things I've found out, but again, I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't been sneaky. Yea, I found DH's porn collection on the computer and was livid. Why? I have no idea......it's completely normal. Do I think that means he's cheating on me? Absolutely not. But I've also learned that my behaviors only do two things: (1) they make me crazier than I already am, and (2) they make DH think I don't trust him, which I actually do.

Bottom line, if he's giving you all of his PW's, I don't think he's trying to hide anything from you. But if you have specific reason to believe he's REALLY deceiving you (not just eating McDonald's behind your back) then I'd speak to him and possibly consider calling things off. I would NEVER recommend going into a marriage with someone you don't trust.

So your post is not here anymore so I don't know the complete story except from what other people were commenting back...

I don't know how I feel about the stalking of the emails NOW but I can tell you this...


3 years ago I met a guy on match.com. A little weird but showered me with gifts and i obviously missed alot of his secrets bc I was distracted by all the stuff he was buying me.

Long story short we got in a fight one day and I had the password to his ebay account & for whatever reason I decided to try it on his email account and saw ALOT ABOUT HIM THAT I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!!!!!

He was gay and had emails from other guys about meeting at specific places doing specific thigns to each other. he was also subscribed to some gross porn sites with MEN. He told me his dad hated gays and apparently I was the finishing touch to his lifestyle. Great job, great car, he was having his own place built, all he was missing was the perfect girl.....

If it weren't for me looking through that & seeing the real him, who knows where I would be right now! Follow your heart

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Posted by Lsorrent

I have to agree with the other girls. I definitely think you're overreacting, and that's a lot coming from me who is ALWAYS overreacting. I've also tried to catch DH in lies and have gotten upset about things I've found out, but again, I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't been sneaky. Yea, I found DH's porn collection on the computer and was livid. Why? I have no idea......it's completely normal. Do I think that means he's cheating on me? Absolutely not. But I've also learned that my behaviors only do two things: (1) they make me crazier than I already am, and (2) they make DH think I don't trust him, which I actually do.

Bottom line, if he's giving you all of his PW's, I don't think he's trying to hide anything from you. But if you have specific reason to believe he's REALLY deceiving you (not just eating McDonald's behind your back) then I'd speak to him and possibly consider calling things off. I would NEVER recommend going into a marriage with someone you don't trust.

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Well said!

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Posted by jetersgirl216

So your post is not here anymore so I don't know the complete story except from what other people were commenting back...

I don't know how I feel about the stalking of the emails NOW but I can tell you this...


3 years ago I met a guy on match.com. A little weird but showered me with gifts and i obviously missed alot of his secrets bc I was distracted by all the stuff he was buying me.

Long story short we got in a fight one day and I had the password to his ebay account & for whatever reason I decided to try it on his email account and saw ALOT ABOUT HIM THAT I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!!!!!

He was gay and had emails from other guys about meeting at specific places doing specific thigns to each other. he was also subscribed to some gross porn sites with MEN. He told me his dad hated gays and apparently I was the finishing touch to his lifestyle. Great job, great car, he was having his own place built, all he was missing was the perfect girl.....

If it weren't for me looking through that & seeing the real him, who knows where I would be right now! Follow your heart

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wowwwww that is just woowww ok yeah .. At least you have FH now!