Advice please...kinda long

I'm sure this has happened to a few ladies on here.

I had my shower yesterday and it was beautiful! Everything was great and I had such a good time.

Now...I have a friend of 10 years who did not RSVP or show up. My sis called her after the RSVP date and never received a call back. We have 3 other mutual friends who all came and when one asked her last week if she was going she said 'what shower' and blew it off just saying she forgot to RSVP. Never said whether she was going or not. The group of us have kind of gone our seperate ways but make sure we do dinner once a month to catch up. So I have seen her recently. She's always been the 'all about me' type but I never thought it would be this bad. I am so disappointed, upset and pissed that she didn't come.

Should I call her and tell her how hurt I am or just write her off as a friend bc a real friend wouldn't do that. I haven't heard from her. What would I even say? How did you handle it?

TIA!

I had a similar situation happen to me, I simply wrote her an email about how hurt I was by this and told her that if she was not going to make an effort to be friends then I can be in this friendship because it wasn't healthy for. I said that if this friendship was important to her she would have to make it work. She responded very well and has turned a new leaf over. I think write her an email and say EVERYTHING! Phone calls are difficult because she might try to cut you off or deny something. Tell her to call you after she read the email and then discuss it. If she is a true friend then she will apologize and accpet the she is in the wrong!
I hope everything works out! Good Luck

Has she done anything like this before? If so, and you have confronted her before, just write her off.

If not, I would call her and confront her and explain how this isn't right.

HTH

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Posted by mosh424

I had a similar situation happen to me, I simply wrote her an email about how hurt I was by this and told her that if she was not going to make an effort to be friends then I can be in this friendship because it wasn't healthy for. I said that if this friendship was important to her she would have to make it work. She responded very well and has turned a new leaf over. I think write her an email and say EVERYTHING! Phone calls are difficult because she might try to cut you off or deny something. Tell her to call you after she read the email and then discuss it. If she is a true friend then she will apologize and accpet the she is in the wrong!
I hope everything works out! Good Luck

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I was thinking about emailing her. I thought maybe it was too passive but you made a good point. She WILL make up excuses if I confront her to her face or over the phone. She''l be intimidated and not be honest I'm sure. Maybe I'll do that.

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Posted by hogie2be

Has she done anything like this before? If so, and you have confronted her before, just write her off.

If not, I would call her and confront her and explain how this isn't right.

HTH

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You know it's funny...I've never had a big event for her to screw me. The scary and sad thing is that I really wasn't as surprised as you'd think. FH knows her well and asked me why I'm surpried. I just HATE tension and being mad at people.

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Posted by KRISTIND

Is she jealous that you're getting married?

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Yes yes and yes. She has always been jealous of any of her friends getting married or having babies but always puts on a front for the big things. She went to all of our other friends showers. I don't know...it's prob not even worth an email. She is DEF not invited to the bach party now.

So sorry this happened to you!

I agree that an email is better than a phone call right now. That way you also don't have to deal with her (possibly) becoming defensive...I would start off by asking her (even though you haven't!!) if she is upset with you for some reason and then tell her your honest feelings...just try not to set yourself up for disappointment-be prepared for any response or even no response...after all she did not call you to tell you why she didn't come, and she didn't RSVP.

GL

I have same situation....my friend of almost 20 years has yet to rsvp to shower or wedding...or even call to say COngrats on getting a house.
Granted this lady lives in CAli...and really doubt she was able to come.......but you can't even call after all these years.
She only moved 3 years ago. I was there for her. Now that it's my turn she is history!!

Atleast I know I did the right thing by inviting her. I even invited her mom...she responded NO to wedding & shower...no idea why the friend cant.
HOW RUDE!!

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Posted by MyLobster

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Posted by KRISTIND

Is she jealous that you're getting married?

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Yes yes and yes. She has always been jealous of any of her friends getting married or having babies but always puts on a front for the big things. She went to all of our other friends showers. I don't know...it's prob not even worth an email. She is DEF not invited to the bach party now.

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So sorry this had to happen to you! I think you're right- I dont think its worth an email or a call. Unfortunatly, some people just cant control their jealousy and insecurities.

I don't think you should say anything. But it is sad, weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people. So sorry you are having this experience.

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Posted by marriedinmontauk

I don't think you should say anything. But it is sad, weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people. So sorry you are having this experience.

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Thanks for all the suggestions ladies! I don't feel like talking to her at all...maybe it's selfish and childish but she started it! Just kidding! I feel like I have nothing to say. She can't be mad at me for anything and it is what it is. She wasn't there and didn't even have the courteousy to rsvp OR call my sis beck (who she knows well).

People are unbelievable!

seems to me they are jealous you are getting married and they aren't and can't cope

I agree with the rest of the girls and think you definitely need to say something. At least you can say you tried.

I had something similar happen with a friend at my bachelorette party, but she just got really drunk and then lashed out at everyone, made a huge scene-- which was super embarrasing for me, as many of the girls there didn't know her that well-- so maybe it was best that your friend didn't show at all.