Ugh. FH and I just had a huge fight about the after party. He's made it very clear on numerous occasions that he isn't thrilled with an afternoon wedding b/c he feels it isn't as fun as an evening wedding. He doesn't want our guests to have nothing to do after 6 p.m. and I totally agree and I was thinking we'd do a casual get-together at the hotel bar or something. He keeps coming up with these crazy ideas like renting out a room in the hotel and putting poker tables and 'games' and a buffet in there for guests. Are you kidding me!!!?? A buffet after guests have stuffed their faces for 6 hours with an elaborate cocktail hour and a sit-down dinner! I find that really offensive. It's like saying that our super-expensive wedding wasn't good enough so we need to make an even-more-fun party with MORE FOOD to please our guests. Ugh!
I kind of lost my cool about it tonight b/c I find it so hurtful that he keeps trying 'one up' the reception, which my parents have paid a ridiculous amount of money for and I've poured my heart and soul into planning.
Has anyone else encountered this? How do you have a fun after-party without overshadowing the main event? I'm open to ideas...
jeffamanda080808
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Re: After Party - need to vent
I can understand the afternoon wedding thing but.................. I also believe that there is not reason for an additional room rental and all the extras your FH is thinking of. If there is a hotel bar...I suggest you contact them, let them know when your wedding is and let them know that you will have X amount of people coming. They will be prepared and I bet you anything that you all will have a great time at the bar with your friends....yet not over shadowing the actual reception. People have a misconception of afternoon weddings.....but in all reality...as a guest of a few afternoon weddings, I was thankful that we went to the wedding had an amazing time then went to have a drink at the hotel bar and then either went to our room or went home (of course one of us was responsible to drive). JMHO...you FH needs to relax and enjoy his day and forget about after the reception.
bluegreen08
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Re: After Party - need to vent
I have been to many afternoon bar/bat mitzvahs and my parents have been to quite a few afternoon weddings (maybe it's more common because we're jewish and so are many of our friends) but they are just as fun as evening weddings! its the band, open bar and the guests that make a wedding fun, not the time of day.
We're doing a very low key 'after party' for the same reason -- why take away from the awesome wedding w/ a crappy afterparty? we have a lot of OOT guests, and we're going to let people know that we'll be going back to the OOT hotel which has a really nice bar area and hang out. It's possible we might order a few pizzas but nothing more elaborate than that. It's really a chance for FH's OOT family members to hang out with eachother, our friends to hang out, and for us to mingle a little longer before parting ways since we are leaving for our honeymoon in the AM.
You could always look into doing what Jenlen did and have a bowling afterparty or something else like that, but I wouldn't want anytihng that takes away from the real reception
karabara
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Re: After Party - need to vent
I agree with you. I considered an afternoon wedding too, with an afterparty (ended up not being able to do that b/c FH thought a rabbi would not be available for ceremony) and thought drinks only would be a-OK (and I wasn't planning on paying for those drinks). I did go to one after party at a bar where they were able to take the leftover cake to the bar and slice it up for whomever wanted some.
One thing I wonder though - maybe it's not that your FH is trying to one-up the reception, but to incorporate a party-party atmosphere? I don't know, but I think that ppl will just be happy to be able to spend more time, in a more casual atmosphere, with you guys post-reception. Plus, people will be stuffed (I would, at least - I tend to gorge myself at cocktail hour and try to snag an extra slice of cake too!) I think that liweddings should consider a piggy emoticon for me
nifheim
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Re: After Party - need to vent
honestly it sounds like your soon to be husband wants a mini reception of his own. Maybe it is what he wants for the wedding sorta like a groom's cake but its a party.
I had an after party at the hotel bar which is pretty much a standard thing it seems nowadays. We had some pizza delivered at one point from what I had heard (dh and i left the party after a few hours). My guests basically took over the entire hotel lobby and kept the bar tender busy the entire night. We had sing alongs, people had sat down at the bar tables and played cards, someone had give the bar tender their ipod to plug into their stereo at the hotel bar so we could listen to our own music (low but we could hear it).
I do agree with you with not having hot buffet dishes, craps tables, etc because if he really wanted some 'vegas' themed items maybe he should of said something when planning both of your day and instead not trying to out do the wedding.
Autumnbride03
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Re: After Party - need to vent
I think maybe having an afterparty at the hotel bar is a great idea- I have been to an afternoon wedding and when we left to go back to the hotel, buzzed at 6 pm, we wished we had something else to do! (we were from OOT)
I think a casual atmosphere in the hotel bar would be quite fun- they may even offer some 'bar foods' that they can put out if your FH really wants more food.
I agree the room with games and a buffet is very unnecessary though ....
jsha20
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Re: After Party - need to vent
I think an afterparty is a great idea also. I am not sure if your FH is trying to one up the reception your parents are throwing, but trying to build upon a great one. He may be thinking out loud w/his ideas that seem extravagant to you. I think going to the bar w/friends is all you really need for a fun afterparty.
Kruzlover
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Re: After Party - need to vent
You guys have been so helpful. Thanks for the comments. I totally agree about having something for our OOT guests to do after the wedding and I'm definitely going to want to hang out more. Actually, that's one of the things I love about an afternoon wedding: you get to actually spend MORE time with your guests and the day is sort of extended. I think I'm going to try to contact the hotel and see about their bar.
FH and I talked about it a little more last night after we both cooled down and he defintiely understands my POV. I think you ladies are right - he sort of wanted his own 'groom's' party b/c he feels like the wedding isn't really the time when we can let loose and have fun. I feel bad that he thinks of it that way -- and I understand that having to go around to all the tables and talk to relatives all night isn't an ideal 'guys night out' -- but I really hope he is able to have a blast at the wedding.
Thanks again ladies!!!
Autumnbride03
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Re: After Party - need to vent
i'm sure he will end up having lots of fun- my FH always says 'I could just do a backyard bbq, i don't need this big wedding' and it annoys me to no end, I think a lot of guys think like that but you know what, when it comes down to the day I think they really soak up being the center of attention and end up loving it!! lol
ligirlz
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Re: After Party - need to vent
I had a afternoon wedding which was over by 7PM. What we did was go have an after party in the hotels lounge. Our lounge had a band after 8 so it kept everyone dancing and our guests were also relaxing enjoying everyones company. I have to say a ball was had by all including my DH who was iffy in the beginning too with an afternoon wedding.
MyLobster
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Re: After Party - need to vent
We are having an afternoon wedding then an afterparty at a hotel afterwards. We bolcked rooms an A LOT of our guests are taking advantage of the shuttle services and hotel rooms that night. We are not paying for a thing (drinks, food). After paying thousands for the wedding...they can pay for their own drinks afterwards. We are paying for a morning after brunch at the hotel though.
Espo22
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Re: After Party - need to vent
i dont think he is trying to 'one-up' the reception. The way its worded sounds like the reception is yours and your parents and what you and your parents are doing and as if its yours and your parents wedding. I understand they are paying for alot of it, and im sure you dont mean it like that but maybe thats how he sees it, if its being said that hes trying to 'one-up' what you and your parents are doing then maybe thats why he feels like doing his own thing just to have that.
Sometimes things are worded wrong and there just has to be communication. Let him understand that its YOURS and HIS wedding, and what you both are doing and involve him in that process, ask him what he would like to do at the wedding itself. I understand your parents are contributing but its still yours and his wedding and has to be looked at like that. There should be no feelings of competition or feelings of that separation of parties yours and his. Its not just about the elaborate things at the wedding but the fact that you two are getting married that day and its all about the two of you, the focus should shift back to that.
Also theres nothing wrong with an afternoon wedding, been to quite a few and still had lots of fun.
Talk to somebody at the hotel where you blocked rooms and ask about doing something after in their hotel bar
