Ahhh so much conflict!?... Why Soo Stubborn!!!... Too many Bridesmaids!!!

The first 2 paragraphs are a Prologue, History, Backdrop, Venting perhaps? If you want, skip to the 3rd onwards for my actual question/issue... :D

Ahhh so I'm the token FH on the site (I think I came across one other one :fist bump: ). So back to Ahhhh, we fight over everything. I might have a slight case of Groomzilla, but I try to understand her and be reasonable. We got to a point where I thought we'd need marraige counseling (a year before Marriage!) because we stopped listening to each other, became defensive and fought over nonsense in every conversation.

Luckily we talked it over one night, explained our individual feelings and needs. Realized a lot of 'trigger words' that sent the other person over the edge instantaneously. Also discussed how to approach situations differently and what we can do individually. Biggest thing was agreeing on being ok with the other person saying 'your doing it now'; helps me/her realize our habitual (oft negative) actions...

Ok, I know your like WTheck, seems like you solved everything! That was the prologue (I guess I was venting history... Aka last week haha). My real issue is... My FW has TOO MANY BRIDESMAIDS! I feel your blood boiling in her support but hear me out. I have a few tight-knit friends and few close family, totaling about 5-6 guys. She has a huge family and a few close friends.10-11 Bridesmaids to be exact. I get the 3 friends, her sister and a few close/obligatory cousins. But she adds her young teenage nieces, which I also understand since they're very close (can they be added elsewhere in the wedding party without being offended?). Then there's other cousins, siblings of the ones in her age group. They recently came of age this year and joined adult convos with my FH's age group of cousins. So literally allllll females in her family of alllll ages are now bridesmaids.

Where does she draw the line!?! ....

Now, I feel awkward having half as many guys up there and walking down the aisle. Should I be?

Shouldn't she drop the cousin siblings? Her mom may disagree (all for one, one for all family concept- which FW is now also exhibiting), but I think this is just one of many parental obstacles we (do & will) face. She'll get over this one easier. I understand family bonds, but you gotta be reasonable.

Can the teenage and younger bridesmaids be placed elsewhere? (Ushers are a no-go though, maybe Junior Bridesmaids, but are teenagers to old for that??)

She must have an EVEN number of bridesmaids! Is that even real??? (Real question)

Her solution: If I drop this person, then your sister has to go too! Because it's not even WT*!$. I was like whatever (cause I thought it was just fighting words that day, but she repeats it over and over as the only way to cut down. If I dare mention her sister or anyone: 'How dare you!' So I now regret not squashing that notion the second it was said.

Often Flower girls are from the bride's side and Ring bearers from the grooms. She says I have no right to tell her how to manage her bridesmaids. I''ve seen brides do it to grooms all the time (no offense), am I not allowed?

Anyone else have similar issues? I know it's common to have big families and lots of friends.

Boy was that a long one! Thank you to those who made it this far, and for that, I'd like to open this forum to any other venting you may need to cleanse your own mind, but first I Need Helpp Please! Thanks!

Advice to FH's: She asks 'who can I possibly drop?' Trick question!... No one, unless you want to be ripped a new one)

Hello Token Groom to Be,

I feel your pain, FH and I have bumped heads quite a number of times during planning and end up getting heated over nothing, and it really just comes down to stress over planning. I'm glad to see you guys have talked it through and found the problem!

To answer the too many Bridesmaids question, yes. It does seem like she just went overboard and invited every female she knows. HOWEVER, it's her dream wedding too and if that's how she truly wants it, then you should just let it be. Having fewer Men in the bridal party isn't a big deal, each guy can walk down with two (one on each arm- pimpin! ha) or Girls can even walk down in a group or 2 or 3, I've seen it before and it looks fine.
Also note- the reason I don't want a lot of bridesmaids is that it leads to more opinions and more drama, so chances are shes going to have her hands full with a group that big, and will need your support!

Giving your input on the Bridesmaids is for sure a right you have, but I don't think you should worry yourself about it too much. And maybe another thing you guys should talk about is Compromise. I know my FH and I both tried to compromise on so many things and I think it really helped and was fair for both of us.


Hope that Helps!

Hi Groom to Be!

It is nice to hear that you guys talked out your differences and are now on common ground.

In reference to the BM situation, I am OCD so I can definitely relate to the even number thing. Not all brides care about that it is just personal preference.

I definitely think that is a LOT of BM and personally, I would be on your side. I just feel like it isn't mandatory to put all the women in your family as BM's but rather personal, close relationships she has with each of the girls that will inevitably be in her life far into the future. I understand they are family but is she close with all of them? If she is and she feels those are valued relationships then she has every right to add them all.

I can give you an example though, my cousin had 12 bridesmaids and it was a bit of a circus up there at the altar and she claimed she was close with all of them and I recently heard she doesn't talk to a few of them now (mind you her wedding was June 12') and that she shouldn't of had so many. Sometimes the excitement takes over and everyone is so lovey lovey smooch smooch but in a few years from now you will be like HUH?! Why did I do that?

I think if this is something she really wants, give it to her. They always say to pick your battles.

Hope this helps

Personally I would be really annoyed if my FH told me I had to drop my bridesmaids.

I hope things work out for you but I really think there are bigger issues to worry about then if she has more bridesmaids then you have groomsmen.

I see where you're coming from but at the end of the day if having all those girls in her bridal party is going to make her happy then don't fight with her over it. There are plenty of ways for them to walk down the aisle and it all work out.

Like Soon2BeMrsPy said...pick your battles. I personally don't think this is something that should be a fight.

I hope things work out- good luck!

I can definitely see where you're coming from - I personally don't get the need to have 10+ bridesmaids. (I have 5 and I feel like that's a lot!)

I also HAVE to have each side even because I'm weird like that. I'd feel weird if FH had double the people on his side, but I think that's because I feel like it looks like everybody is there for the groom and not the bride. Maybe it's a double standard, but I feel like it's not as big a deal the other way around. It's a little ridiculous that she asked everybody and I think she's also being very unreasonable with you by insisting on cutting your sister if she has to cut somebody else. But I don't think she can really 'unask' people now either.

I wouldn't make too big a thing about it. You have your buddies who will standing with you too, and really the bridesmaids aren't your 'problem' since you don't have to deal with them really. She does. Good Luck!

I think it's really messed up that your FW would say that if she's dropping anyone from the party, it would be your sister. I think that she has way too many bridesmaids, but the groom's sister(s) traditionally have to be in the bridal party. The younger kids really don't need to be in the party.

However, they were already asked, so there's really no turning back now without upsetting alot of people in the process. The parents of the kids in the BP would be really pissed off if their kids were kicked out, and your FW would could lose friendships over kicking a girl out.

So I think you just have to deal with it, and look at the big picture, rather than all of the little annoying details, because it will just drive you nuts

Yikes! that is a lot of bridesmaids!

Did you guys sit down and discuss this beforehand? I feel like that was one of the first conversations we had about the wedding. But whats done is done, i say let her side of the wedding look like a circus and just laugh!

Even though your personal opinion (and I agree) is that 10-11 BMs is too many, she's the one who gets to choose who she wants to be part of this special day. Bottom line is, it's both of your wedding, she should get to choose who she wants to participate in it, just as you get to choose who you want.

Is the arguing all really worth it?

FH and I decided as long as I stay within the budget we had set for ourselves, we wouldn't argue about anything. He tells me what he wants included in the wedding, and I tell him whether or not I can make it work. Given, he isn't as much a part of the planning process, I like it better that way. Anything that will go over our budget (eg, photobooth), I'm paying for out of my own pocket.

In my opinion, it's not worth arguing. I know everyone is going to have some disagreement in the planning process, but even if it means giving up some of your 'groomzilla' tendencies, sometimes it's just easier to give in.

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Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

Personally I would be really annoyed if my FH told me I had to drop my bridesmaids.

I hope things work out for you but I really think there are bigger issues to worry about then if she has more bridesmaids then you have groomsmen.

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you hit the nail on the head, Kristin.

Like some ladies above said, it IS her dream wedding as well. Pair two girls up per guy. Ask her to make some of the younger girls Jr Bridesmaids. Don't TELL her what to do, but offer some sound advice. At the end of the day, it's both of your wedding and you should both be happy.

Hope things work out well for you guys!

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Posted by MsErikaLynn

At some point you both are going to have to compromise on things because that is what making a LIFETIME commitment to someone is. and I understand it's 'HER' dream wedding, but have you ever seen the Sex in the City Movie? Where it's all about Carrie and then Big freaks out because it's more about the wedding then it is about them? I just think that whether it's a birthday, holiday, wedding or what you're going to name your children, there needs to be compromise on both ends. You should try just explaining to her why you feel that your few groomsmen are the ones who should be standing up there with you and maybe she'll think about the same thing herself. I think 10 bridesmaids is definitely too many but I think more importantly it's going to look funny. but HEY it's NOT my wedding. if she wants 10 girls next to your 5 guys then that's ok. I do think it's ridiculous that she would cut your sister if she NEEDS to have so many people. Because 1 more won't make a difference really.. I hate to say it but you're probably sh*t out of luck. sorry dude

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