AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

linda_art Posted: Mar 29, 2011 09:57 PM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

At dinner tonight with my dad he tells FH and I that he wants 20 guest at our wedding. We are paying for everything ourselves and getting the smallest room etc..... After family we weren't even left with inviting many of our own friends.... I can't even go on any further bc I don't even want to give any more energy to this. I told him 12max, I originally gave him 4 bc I knew those ppl my whole life. GRRRRRRRR.
The only thing he ever agreed to pay for was my dress, and wanted nothing else to do with our wedding planning. Honestly, the biggest prob is NOT the money, its that our room can NOT accommodate 20 extras.

Wooo sahhhhhh.......

gf1025 Posted: Mar 29, 2011 10:06 PM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How many people are you inviting??
It might have some wiggle room. Cux sometimes people can't make it. We had friends and I mean even close friends of FH say they can't make it because of XYZ reasons. I know it's inconsiderate to ask for so many more but, wait, why does he need 20 guests?????

linda_art Posted: Mar 29, 2011 10:10 PM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

We have 150 invited. We are guaranteeing 110 and don't want more than 120 bc the room starts to get tight. Of those 150 we know that some ppl are not coming but we had to invite them anyway. It's how we came up with the 150, we kinda took into consideration that wiggle room. I think 12- is more than enough. He says he can't invite this one and not that one, etc.... If this was the case maybe he shoulda opened his mouth when we were booking our RH instead of being so uninvolved.

gf1025 Posted: Mar 29, 2011 10:22 PM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sorry to hear! I know what you mean! We saw that room when searching for a venue and you're right I think anything over 125 would be a bit much....
But I think if you think about it probably the same applies to his guests and not all 20 would come. In any case, it's your wedding and he'll just have to understand there's only so much you can do and given the space limitations of our current room you can only do 12. Maybe just telling him like that will help him understand you can't go over 12 for him. Also it should be people who are close to you and your FH. (At least that's how I see it)

Watermelon5 Posted: Mar 29, 2011 11:19 PM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sorry to hear that! 20 seems kind of excessive, I would just say he needs to be selective b/c you just dont have the room!

FutureMrsGTL Posted: Mar 30, 2011 08:56 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The guest list has been the most difficult thing to deal with... I would just let him know 20 is out of the question but to select X amount of people and he can make a 'b-list' incase someone isnt able to come.

wishingwell1230 Posted: Mar 30, 2011 09:05 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hear ya chica....I'm having the same issues. My parents have a lot of friends but they are like family and already know and treat FH as such. FFIL has a list of about 16 friends, most of which FH hasn't even heard of. For me it's more about I don't even know who these people are.

irisheyezrsmilen Posted: Mar 30, 2011 09:20 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i know how everyone says its a big no-no but we are using the A/B List for our guests for almost they same reason. just a matter of space (and money) maybe you could put all those people on the B List for the meantime.

LBUDA Posted: Mar 30, 2011 09:37 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Aww, very frustrating! I would agree to inviting half the number he originally wanted...explain to him that you cannot fit that many people. Can you maybe invite singles without a guest to make some extra room on the guestlist?

linda_art Posted: Mar 30, 2011 09:41 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Having had a night to sleep on this and talking to my brother last night, I feel a little better. My brother was cracking jokes. We are gonna give him 12 and thats it. I thought about the 12ppl, and he also named some others that I don't know, and they aren't coming! I refuse to stress over this any longer. As far as the B-list, I told him that already. I said, I'll adjust the list for the 12 and then we can put the others on a B-List and he refused. Guess I'm going to have to teach him compromise! FH and I told him he can come for dinner next week and we will go over guestlist. My dad was actually telling me to remove some step cousins I've been close to since I was 6yrs old to accomodate his friends. I just have to laugh!

irisheyezrsmilen Posted: Mar 30, 2011 10:01 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Posted by linda_art

Having had a night to sleep on this and talking to my brother last night, I feel a little better. My brother was cracking jokes. We are gonna give him 12 and that's it. I thought about the 12ppl, and he also named some others that I don't know, and they aren't coming! I refuse to stress over this any longer. As far as the B-list, I told him that already. I said, I'll adjust the list for the 12 and then we can put the others on a B-List and he refused. Guess I'm going to have to teach him compromise! FH and I told him he can come for dinner next week and we will go over guestlist. My dad was actually telling me to remove some step cousins I've been close to since I was 6yrs old to accomodate his friends. I just have to laugh!

not trying to sound like a total ***** but he needs to realize if he's not paying for them then he has no say and should be happy with the 12 he is getting. Especially if you don't even know some of them.
Do what you need to do so it doesn't drive you nuts. I'm sure once you get over this lil bump everything will be fine, sorry bout the stress hope it all works out for you!

S00n2beWifey Posted: Mar 30, 2011 10:04 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

thefloreswedding Posted: Mar 30, 2011 10:09 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh man...dont worry i hope it works out....but i really hope that not all of those pple can go (his 12).....that sux....try to see what you can do to cut down his list.....do o even know them?

FutureWifey Posted: Mar 30, 2011 11:11 AM

Re: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That's frustrating. FH and I wanted a small wedding.. like less than 100 people are turned it into a 200 person wedding to accomodate his family.. but when we initially got engaged, she said she needed about 200 people just for her side of the family, then her husbands side would be another 100 or so... and we were looking at a 400 person wedding. Eventually, after much heartache, we put our foot down and said 'no.' We're paying for everything ourselves. (Everything). So, if somebody wants to pay for something, then it's an appreciated gift, but that's it. You need to decide with FH what is best for the 2 of you. Your friends, no offense, are more important than say.. your dad's coworker or friend that you barely know. It's your day.. Your day. Not your parents day. Theirs is however many years in the past.