Alcohol Issues

setta Posted: May 07, 2003 11:35 AM

Alcohol Issues

My FH has several family members, including his father and brother (BM) who are recovering alcoholics. FH does not want to have any alcohol served at the reception (about 100 guests). I however think that 90 sum-odd people should not suffer because of a few people who probably deal with this all the time. This has become a huge fight and we don't know how to resolve it.

Thrilled Posted: May 07, 2003 11:37 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

It is not fair to the rest of your guests - and let me tell you that your reception will clear out an hour early if there is no booze - to say no booze. It's a tricky situation, but I am with you in this one - Are his father and brother unable to control themselves when alcohol is served? My father is a recovering alcoholic since 1988 who has attended many, many weddings and not had a drink. Sounds like this is your FFIL and BIL problem, not yours.

Becky Posted: May 07, 2003 11:37 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Wow, that is a tough one. I can honestly say, as much as I like to tie one on at weddings, I could live without, especially if the reason behind it was to respect and support recovering alcoholics. So if I were in your position, I would probably have a dry wedding.

Misty Posted: May 07, 2003 11:38 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

If they are recovering alcoholics, part of their recovery is being in situations like this.

You're right, your other 90 guests shouldn't have to suffer...stand your ground!

MrsTC Posted: May 07, 2003 11:39 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Hi Setta,

I have the same issue in my family. We are going to serve the alcohol. The recovering alcoholics (if they are in active recovery) will make the decision on their own if they choose to drink or not. The active alcoholics will drink regardless. It is tough because of the father and brother, but if they are in successful recovery I am sure they won't want to ruin your reception. They need to make the decision within themselves. I am no expert, just speaking from experience.

Jen

littlecat Posted: May 07, 2003 11:41 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

You should definately have liquor at the wedding. They will probably feel worse and more embarrassed that 90 people cannot get a drink because of them. You don't want everyone coming up to the father and family asking why they can't drink. This is your wedding and I don't think it is fair to you and your family. My FH's father doesn't drink anymore because he is also, but I am going to have liquor. They have to deal with not drinking everyday and functions, it cannot be avoided for them. That would make them feel awkward.

jtodaro Posted: May 07, 2003 11:41 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

no booze = no fun

they should be able to hold back not having a drink for the four hoursthat they are there. I promise you this, if there isnt any booze it will be a very short reception b/c people will leave and maybe take their gift with them. sorry to be so forward but allot of people feel this way

stick to your guns and have booze.

MarcellaBella Posted: May 07, 2003 11:42 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Misty, you took the words out of my mouth!! I agree!

setta Posted: May 07, 2003 11:42 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

see, my FH is of the mindset that if people need alcohol to have fun, then they are the ones with the problem. i think it kind've, y'know, enhances the mood anyway, especially where dancing is concerned.

xjulietx Posted: May 07, 2003 11:45 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Have liquor. If you don't, then you will need to explain yourself to a lot of people and then the recovering alcoholics will feel embarrassed and the fact that you DON'T have liquor will become the center of the wedding, instead you and your Future Husband.

Misty Posted: May 07, 2003 11:45 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

It's not up to him to determine that.

He has to think about what kind of spotlight that will place on the people who are recovering alcoholics? I mean, what if people go try to get a drink, and they ask why they can't get one? You think it's fair to them to have people say 'oh there is no alcohol here because so and so is an alcoholic'?

Not only does that make an uncomfortable situation at a party, but it also will probably make the situation worse for the person who is recovering.

I am giving out mini champagne bottles at my wedding and I have 2 recovering alcholics attending, should I scrap this idea because they might get weak and pick up the bottle?

nrvbrd Posted: May 07, 2003 11:47 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Setta my FH is the exact same way- he does not drink at all. He shares the same philosophy as your Fh.

My advice is to serve up the booze. Your family members are going to have to manage alot of self control.

sanmik Posted: May 07, 2003 11:50 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

That's their issues, not your guests. I would have alcohol at the wedding.

kelly6273 Posted: May 07, 2003 11:51 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

That's a tough one. Unfortunatly, they have a problem...it is not and should not be your problem too. People expect alcohol at weddings and look forward to it. These people shouldn't have to suffer because they can't control themselves.

kptoys Posted: May 07, 2003 11:55 AM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Misty you said what I was going to .

EaD04 Posted: May 07, 2003 12:00 PM

Re: Alcohol Issues

I would say to definitly serve the alcohol!! Recovering alcholics have been and will continue to be in situations that involve alcohol being served. You should be able to think more about the other 90 guests.

dubliner Posted: May 07, 2003 12:02 PM

Re: Alcohol Issues

I must say I would be a little ticked if there was no alchol at a wedding in NYC. I know the reasons are good, but part of the recovering is to be able to be in sitautions where alcohol is served - JMO

alina Posted: May 07, 2003 12:03 PM

Re: Alcohol Issues

Since the recovering alcoholics are member of the immediate family, I would ask them how they feel about the situation. Most likely they know how to behave if and when the alcohol is served and are able to make good choices.

Have this conversation with them... It may help you resolve some of these issues.

Sage10.03 Posted: May 07, 2003 12:05 PM

Re: Alcohol Issues

I would DEFINITELY serve the alchohol....
Look, they are going to be in these situations for the rest of their lives....
This is not something you should alter your entire wedding for!!!! The BM and FIL shouldn't want you to either...this is your day.

Have you spoken to them about how they feel about it?

Good Luck and Serve the Booze!!!

JoRo Posted: May 07, 2003 12:10 PM

Re: Alcohol Issues

my DH has been sober for several years, so i have thought a lot about this. and i completely understand where you are coming from!

my first question is, has your FH spoken to his father and brother and is this request coming from them, or is this just something that FH is taking on on his own?? you need to talk with him and ask him where this is coming from. If it is not coming directly from pop and bro, then FH needs to step off and start treating them as adults and with respect. i know my DH shares FH's philosophy about people not needing alcohol to have fun. HOWEVER, he believes in mutual respect for adults. if someone ever had a party and didn't serve alcohol simply because he was a guest (and they didn't talk about it with him first) HE WOULD BE PISSED!!

trust me, if you FFIL and FBIL wanted to drink, they would know where to find alcohol. This is part of their recovery. it is their choice. your FH should respect that and talk with them first before making this choice for them.

now if they request it, that is another story. but let's go there when it is necessary.
Good luck!