The whole bridesmaid thing has been a huge issue of stress for me. Sometimes I wish I just did a king's wedding!! I want to involve my bridesmaids as much as possible in choosing the dresses because I am really flexible and open to ideas. I also feel bad for the expense. After months of trying to coordinate something (and after hearing one of my bm's say the dress I originally chose was too expensive), I finally got two out of the five to go with me on Sat to David's Bridal. I really liked this one dress and I chose it. I think one of my bridesmaids still thinks it is too expensive. Her excuse is she is going to Greece this summer for a few weeks and rather not spend that much. This is also the same girl who asked me who is paying for make-up and hair (assuming me, I would love to but just can't) and is probably staying for free along with her sister in my suite the night before the wedding. I have done A LOT for this girl and she can't bite the bullet and try to cooperate. I also have another bridesmaid who won't go dress shopping with me unless it is just me and her (she doesn't like any one else in my party). Not to mention my sister (maid of honor) is in another country right now and won't get back until (earliest) the end of this month. The dress is $180.00 plus tax and now I feel like I am imposing on everyone. By the way, I would change the dress in a minute if I had some cooperation. Is it just me?
nicknmb
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
I hear ya. I have not gotten to the BM dress drama yet, but I do think that you are being more than reasonable. I do not think people should complain to your face about the $$ issue. You do have the option to say no when you are asked to be a BM if you do not feel that it will be financially fesible for you. I would honestly tell your BM's that they are hurting your feelings and making you feel like they don't even want to do it. They should be excited about this, not dredding it.
charlotte227
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
Sorry to hear...I'm unfamiliar with a 'king's wedding' but I choose to pay for the entire bp (clothes, hair, makeup, shoes, etc) this way I got to say who was wearing what...besides I had a bottom line figure we have had no problems anyone who objected was out period...none of your bridesmaid or groomsmen are going to like everything you pick out why waste your money get their opinions and move on, we did and we're glad we can put our money elsewhere, the day is about the bride and groom not a group of people parading down the aisle!
divabride
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
I have BM's like that too. Your better off telling her to go order the dress and if she doesnt want to pay that much, well tough luck. I dont understand how these girls are so happy about being a bridesmaid, but when it comes time to take the responsibility - they moan and groan about it!!! Girl, I feel your frustrations, but dont let her upset you!!! I just wish I had more advice to give you
Bebalina
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
I think you are being very reasonable....it's just like Diva said....how could they be so excited about being BM and then can't even begin to complete the task..... Just hang in there.....
MrsBrad
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
UGH! I am soo sorry. That is why I am a big proponent of just taking along the easiest girl to try on the dresses you want. Then you pick it and just tell the girls to go buy it. I think if its less than $200 they have no reason to complain. Most BMs should realize that they will have to deal with all of this when they say yes to participating. I am sorry
StepherG
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
Well, having been in 7 weddings as a bridesmaid, I feel for them. It is a very expensive responsibility. I actually turned down 2 weddings over the years due to expenses.
$180 may not seem like much, but add it to the alterations/hair/makeup/shoes/bridal shower/bachelorette party/gift for you... IT ADD's UP!
Have a heart to heart with her. Apparently she must have some $$ issues with the wedding. Maybe she doesnt realize how difficult she's being. Maybe she can't afford all this and just doesn't know how to go about telling you.
Good luck. I had some of the same issues. I let my girls choose their own dresses and price range at David's Bridal - just have a common color -this helped me.
september2004
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
as a bride i do not wish to impose on my girls so FH and i are covering most of the expenses for the bridal party. i feel bad enough with the travel and lodging expenses they will incur, i don't feel right asking them to pay for much more...
as a BM, prior to accepting the role i would be very honest and upfront as to how much i was willing to spend. i think 'afford' is not the best way of looking at it as people have different priorities and just because a friend of mine wants to spend X amount for her wedding, i shouldn't have to alter my priorities because of it. my friends all understand this and most of them have the same view (hence the friendship)...
coordinating a lot of people is tough, that is why we decided to keep the number small. to keep the peace i would perhaps ask all the girls what figure they had in mind, what is 'doable' for them and take it from there... i am not one to say 'my day my way' and want the day to be fun for everyone. sure, we all have to draw the line somewhere, but i think that the more they feel they have a say, the more cooperative they will be in the end...
KathleenG
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
Thanks ladies for the feedback!! What is funny is this one bridesmaid actually asked me if she could be in my party!! We had not spoken in awhile due to an argument and we were just starting to patch things up. I was 50/50 about whether I wanted her in it in the first place!! She should have known what she was getting herself into!!
eogara
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
While you should be the one to decide on the dress, personally I think $180+tax and alterations is asking a bit much. Not sure how it is among your group of friends right now but I know that I am in 6 weddings (incl my own) and invited to a total of 11 over the next year. Add hair, makeup, alterations, shoes, showers, gifts, etc etc to this and the total is outrageous. Maybe you could choose a slightly less expensive dress?
tourist
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
It is hard to find something under $200. I thin you have to know that if you agree to be a bridesmaid.
I only have 2 girls & I am letting one do the picking, but that's proving to be more trouble than its worth.
I think I am just gong to go to RK by myself & pick something.
butterfly20
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Re: Am I asking too much of my bridesmaids ?(VENT)
i know www.alfredangelo.com availible in bridal stores is suppose to have dresses cheaper than that... starting at 99?...me personally i just felt i could never ask my girls to spend more than 100 on a dress(since i knew i wouldnt want to in that situation), so i had decided as a gift i would pay anything over that. But then i found there dresses for less so I bought them there dresses...
if the one girl is giving you a hard time with the money then maybe you can give her another role in the wedding instead...
