Am I being selfish?

Honestly, do you think that I am being selfish for not wanting two separate baby showers??
I just can't imagine driving to Long Island being 7 months pregnant for a baby shower. Currently my husband and I are just planning on having one here in Buffalo...but I know that my in-laws are going to be very upset and not even come. For instance, my husband has lived here for 5 years almost and only his brother and father have come to visit us!!

What do you think? Do you agree that it is kind of much for me to travel for a shower to appease family?


Thanks-

Nancy

I think it depends how you are feeling, and how badly you want to share the experience and celebrate with family. I also think that since you are far away, your family probably feels like they are missing this experience...they don't get to see your belly blossom and see your face glow with anticipation. It is a really special time for you and your DH, but it means a lot to family too, b/c you are adding person to the family tree!

I can tell you that I was in California when I was PG, and I could not fly 6 hours at 7-8 mos. pregnant, so I had NO CHOICE. I WISH I was within driving distance! I would have given ANYTHING to have flown home to have a big baby shower with my friends and family on LI. I am thankful that I had 5 friends celebrate with my in CA, but it was definitely NOT the same. JMO....best wishes, whatever you decide.

Are you inlaws much older? Perhaps the drive is difficult for them?

You are planning a shower for yourself in Buffalo or you mean your family is planning one? Honestly, I am sure that even if your in-laws would travel to the shower, there are a lot of other family members who cannot make a 5 hour trip each way and pay for an overnight hotel stay to attend a baby shower for you.

My MIL did come with one of my SILs from MA (3.5 hour drive) for both of my showers but no one else in Scott's family does.

Honestly, the drive will not be easy at 7 months pregnant but if it truly makes them happy to celebrate with the entire family then you should be glad that they are so happy. I cannot imagine anyone in my husband's family even considering doing something like that for us.

Hi Nancy,

I will be in your same situation except that it's my family on LI.
I do not think it's selfish not wanting to make the trip at 7 months. But at the same time I think I would try to include my IL's. Would you consider a shower earlier? My cousin's EDD is 2/1/04 and her shower is in a few weeks in Plattsburgh. They wanted to have it before the snow starts so that people could travel, and before the holidays too. Maybe this would work for you?

Jen

Having driven to Buffalo with some regularity (my grandmother lived there) I can tell you that it is a very taxing trip even if you are not pregnant! It's about a 7-8 hour (500 mile) trip by car. I can understand you not wanting to do that distance when you are 7 months pregnant. However if there is a lot of family on LI and they want to do something for you, you should try to let them. Maybe you can make a short vacation out of it so that the drive is broken up. Stop at a few places along the way and enjoy the trip.

I am sure that your MIL probably feels left out since she doesn't get to see you and share this in a more intimate way. You have to remember this is her grandchild too and that she wants to share in the excitement. Maybe you can find a comprimise.

No, I don't think so... But I know how you feel! I just found out my Baby Shower is 11/23. I'll be 8 months and 3 days preggo. We have to drive at least 9-10 hours to LI since we live in NC. We've lived here for over 4 years, but no one will come down here for a shower. Come to think about it, no one even visits us. They wouldn't come for our wedding if we had it down here. (Not many people anyway). We had to have that up on LI last year. So in order for us to make everyone happy, and for us to benefit from the stuff we'll get, we have to go to LI, or we would hardly get anything. I know that sounds selfish, but there's no way we can't afford all the stuff you need for a baby. We need all the help we can get! But, yes... it's going to be a loooong trip for me. Our last trip up there was the end of Sept. for a wedding. It wasn't too bad since my DH drove most of the way this time. Usually I drive most of the way. My mom is furious that we have to go up there at that time. She thinks it's too close to my due date, and it's not safe for me. She thinks we're crazy! But we have to do what we have to do! Also, since we're having it up on LI, my mom will not be there. She doesn't want to go back up there. (My parents moved down here in April) Anyway, let's just hope that it's all worth it! We'll see! Oh... let's just hope it doesn't snow!!!

When I was 3 months we drove to SC for my cousins wedding and it was a nightmare!!! You have to stop every 2 hours and make sure you walk around. I can't imagine doing it at 7 months I don't think you are being selfish at all. In fact his mother has never come to visit him in 5 years? That sounds a little selfish to me.