I just found out the my FH's cousin is also getting married next year. She had asked my FH if it's okay to have it at the same month as ours(out of courtesy), since most of their relatives are going to here (flying from out of country). Of course, I wasn't thrilled about it since we've been planning our wedding and I feel like she's 'stealing our thunder.' It sounds selfish but I just can't get over it. Believe me, I do understand about the whole thing how the family are all here and what not.
Anyway, when she approached me about it and asked if it's okay to have it before or after, I said okay (chokingly). I just couldn't think of what else to say since I haven't thinking about it when my FH first mentioned the situation to me. Aaarrrgghhhhhhhhhh!!!
To be honest, I'm just slowly accepting it and letting it not to bother me as much. I'm trying to just think positive about the whole thing. Plus, my FH's other cousins are trying to talk to her to have hers after our wedding instead, which I think it's a lot better.
Well, thanks for the listening ears ladies.
micmar
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
Hi, I can definitely understand how you feel. Like you, I would've probably said ok when put on the spot like that. But unfortunately, now that it's done, you have to just figure out a way to deal & accept that she is getting married the same month. It could always be worse, it could be the same weekend. My biggest fear is my cousin getting engaged & planning the same day! And my aunt (his mother) is not the sharpest knife in the drawer (love her, but...) so she probably wouldn't even think to tell him. But anyway, your wedding will be your wedding day and theirs will be theirs. Just concentrate on making yours the best it can be & be happy. If you are really upset about this & she has not set a date, maybe see if your FH can speak to her & talk her into pushing it off a few weeks or a month after yours. Believe me, family will find a way to come. Or make it a few months after. If it doesn't work out that way, just be happy for yourself & remember on your day it will be about YOU not her!!! I don't think you're being selfish, it is too bad it worked out this way, but it's not the end of the world, you'll have plenty of other things to be stressed about....
Robinella
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
You probably wont like my answer...but yea I think its selfish...its your wedding..and its her wedding...you don't own the month (trust me honey there are millions of people getting married on that day in that month and at your location...its really not as 'special' as you think it is lol and just cause its a relative doesnt make it any different). I have always wanted to get married in September and there was no way I wasn't getting married in September....so atleast your cousin asked if it was ok with you (which thank god you did say yes) cause I would have just booked my wedding without consulting anyone. Nobody is gonna steal your thunder...dont worry...just relax..both weddings will surely be different....so enjoy her day and enjoy your day...and just be happy for both of you!
Robinella
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
Just thought it was funny..the lady who responded before me has my exact wedding date...how dare she! lol Seeeee...october is a popular month..its really not as bad as you think :) Hope it stops bothering you!
Sweetie2004
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
A friend of mine was in your FH's cousins situation - and as crappy as you feel, she is in a really rough spot too! she probably wants the out of town family there, but she knows she can't ask them to come for your wedding and then hers. I understand where you're coming from, but I think she is just trying to appease everyone - try to be understanding with her -
brooklynbridezilla
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
I don't think your cousins wedding will steal your thunder at all, each wedding is special and different. I do understand your disappointment about the out of town guests who may not be able to attend both weddings because of time and money constraints. That would make me really sad too.
suven
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
You're not selfish at all. My DH's cousin did something very similar. They went so far as to 'borrow' many of the things that were at my wedding. DH's aunt went out and bought the same gown that my mother wore to my wedding. The bride changed her original choice in color to what I had at my wedding...don't even get me started.
I can completely understand how you feel.
M&LSept1606
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
I understand how dissapointed you must be. I don't think it's stealing your thunder though. Don't lose site of the real reason you're getting married in the first place. I think too many people worry about putting on a good show. But think of it logically. If you have people from all over coming and this other bride doesn't want them to have to come out here twice, I can understand the logic in that.(I too will have relatives coming from Italy, so I can understand this much) Concentrate on your wedding and don't compare notes about hers. It will just piss you off more. If she asks you stuff don't give it all away. I personally would not be angry, but I can understand the reasons you have for being a little concerned.
Try to stay focused. Remember you're getting married that day. It's not the same day as her, or at the same place (hopefully!) Every wedding is unique. hope that helps.
Sonicstef
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
I think everyone else here has already summed it up but I wanted to add that I have been to two weddings on the same exact day and they could not be more different.
The date is not important at all. You can have your wedding the same day as hers and they will be different if you want them to be. Just like your weddings could be 10 years apart and be very similiar. Its all up to you on how you approach it.
May05Bride
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Re: Am I being selfish.. (kinda long)
I think that its justifyable that you feel that way. You want everyone to celebrate your day.. and not anyone elses. However, I think it might be a bit selfish.
Being a bride, its normal to feel that way, as long as you don't act on it. I think its good that you didn't say anything. I don't think you can. She is being very kind by sharing her month with you, to accomodate the guests. She is willing to share her thunder, and I think that you should share yours..
