Am I fake and sacreligious?

bethsiar Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:01 AM

Am I fake and sacreligious?

Ok, so my e-party is coming up and this will be a HUGE topic of conversation. My grandfather who passed away long before I was born was a Lutheran pastor. My parents, who met in his church, are fairly religious in that they go to church every week and pray before meals-but thats it. My grandma is very traditional and also religious. When I saw OHEKA I wanted to get married there, the grounds are gorgeous. Then my family started freaking out about getting married in a church and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I DO want a church wedding. Just not MY church. This may sound terrible, but my church is just plain ugly. Its 70's with green carpet, wood and cement walls and the aisle isn't even straight! I went to a wedding at my church and the bride walks through the door (its a side entrance) 8 feet down the aisle makes a right hand 90 degree turn and then walks another 5 or so feet. My FI has my dream wedding. He is United Methodist with a huge white church with big stained glass windows and candles that light up on the side, and its on the main street in town so everyone honks when you come outside and people line up in the little town... like a dream... My father is upset b.c its our church I was baptized there and so on. Ladies, am I being ridiculous? Should I stay with OHEKA? My FI does NOt want to get married in my church. For the same reasons. I need advice from you ladies and your opinons mean a lot to me.

MarcellaBella Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:04 AM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

I don't think you are at all...this is YOUR wedding.. you're going to discover throughout all this planning that you can't make everyone happy and that you have to do what YOU want to do...

Samanthas Mom Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:05 AM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

can u get married in a different church? which is of same religion but not the one you dont like??

and who is paying for everything, will they be upset if you dont do what they want
it is your wedding so you should be happy
if you MUST use the church you dont like I suggest you DO MAJOR FLOWER DECORATION, BOWS, etc.... then maybe you can make it look n icer :)

bethsiar Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:21 AM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

Well, I have been looking around at different churches but my parents think its terrible to choose a church for beauty and this is our church blah blah. They are paying for about a little less than half the wedding. It is really hard to find a church in the same area that is lutheran and not modern weird looking. The only thing I was thinking would be to get married in the same church my parents did, my grandpa's but thats way out of the way in Queens and Jamacia none the less!!! On the other hand it is my wedding and I'm already getting sick of people trying to make me feel guilty about not getting married on my church so should I do an ultamatium? Like my FI's church or no church at all? It would be nice to include my FI's family by using their church.

Niecey Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:26 AM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

I really do not think lookd should be factored into this decision when it comes to religion. To get married in a church is because you want to get married in the eyes of God (or whatever is you religious belief on marriage). I do not think looks should matter. If looks do matter I would question your reason for getting married in a religious institution. I would say if that is important why not get married at the Castle that is probably gorgeous.

I am not a religious person and did not want to get married in a church but it was important for my DH and so we did. It was actually very nice and special. However, someone (who is important to DH) said things about how small my church was and it really hurt my feelings. I actually thought it wasn't small and was a community (an other people had told me that as well). I got married in the parish my mother belongs to and attends every Sunday. My mom overheard the person say this several times and she felt awful.

In the end, it is you and your FI special day and I do not think you should do what other people want you to do (unless they are paying for it hehe).

PS I do not think if you go by beauty you are fake or sacreligious. Everyone is different and I know many people who judged their church based on looks. Everyone is different.

bethsiar Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:36 AM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

I see what your saying, but my feeling is its just a church. Either way the same pastor is marrying me no matter where I choose. Personally, I think getting married outside in 'God's House' at OHEKA is the same as getting married in a church as long as the pastor is marrying us.
Its really interesting to hear this coming from someone outside the situation. I guess it all stems off from how I pictured me getting married and I hear the organ in my dream and picture the altar so that's what changed my mind about OHEKA. I wonder how many people will agree with you bridetobe it may change my opinon.

starhead Posted: Nov 13, 2002 10:56 AM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

Everybody's going to be giving you their opinion (not talking about here, just in general) about your weddindg plans. You have to do what you and your FH want to do, it is your day.

I would think as long as you're getting married by your religious officiant, it doesn't matter where it's done. I'm not religious and am not getting married in a church and i thought we were going to get flak since FH is italian and comes from a Catholic family. I'm lucky b/c so far it hasn't been an issue.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there's no way you can make everybody happy and essentially, it should be what makes you two happy. Your family should respect that.

bethsiar Posted: Nov 13, 2002 02:10 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

Urgh lasted thing is now that my FI's church is too far from the reception actually in the other direction. So, FI thinks maybe not such a good idea. I can't find one near OHEKA. Does anyone know of one? Any other suggestions?

cecil Posted: Nov 13, 2002 02:39 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

I am not Catholic, but , my FH and I joined a temple together, and we are using the rabbi from there. Why not join your own church together, and use the church for your wedding , and any other occassions you might need the church for. (If you deceide to have kids, there christening,communion etc) This way no one is telling you that you have to use the church that they want you to use, etc. I hope this helped.

LnP2003 Posted: Nov 13, 2002 03:44 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

In my opinion, you should do what you feel comfortable doing. Obviously, you don't feel as if the church will meet with your photo needs... Then maybe I'm sacreligious too - I say - Go for another church!

Do what you feel is right, and don't allow your family to influence your judgement (they aren't the ones who are going to remember this day, and either love or hate the location of the ceremony)!

Good luck honey!

mv1003 Posted: Nov 13, 2002 04:07 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

My personal opinion is- it's your day, do what you want. For whatever reasons, religious, looks etc... pick the church that is going to make you happy. People will make comments and some might not be happy, but it's not their wedding. It took me a long time to realize that and I was trying to make my parents/friends happy and I was not making me and my FI happy. I don't have a parish on Long Island and didn't like the looks of FH's church (it's very cold and pink!!!) so, I picked a different church. We have to get permission from his church but, that's usually not a problem. I made my decision based on the looks. It didn't matter to me where we got married, as long as it was in a church- if it couldn't be on a beach just the 2 of us.
In summary I say- do whatever you won't have any regrets with.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Nov 13, 2002 04:51 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

Well you wrote that you don't want to get married there and neither does your FH so problem solved to me.

bride04 Posted: Nov 13, 2002 05:04 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

Growing up I went to a Lutheran church that is very close to Oheka. It is very pretty. Forum mail me if you are interested and I'll find the phone # and address for you.

bride04 Posted: Nov 13, 2002 05:59 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

I just sent you a forum mail with the info. Good luck!

maysie18 Posted: Nov 13, 2002 09:15 PM

Re: Am I fake and sacreligious?

Do NOT feel badly about that!! It is your wedding - you're the one that's gonna have to look at the pics/video for life.

When we got engaged I belonged to 1 united Methodist church & ended up not getting married there. I wasn't crazy about the inside layout anyways, only the steps outside (would've been perfect for pics)

I found another UMC church to marry in. Luckily, they re-did the entire altar this year BUT dumb me - there are 2 huge speaker looking thingies on the wall above the altar - the only things making the altar not so attractive imo. Like a dope I went & asked when they would be taking those down (somebody elase I spoke with told me they would) - well this guy looked at me like Id lost my midn as he told me they won't be coming down cuz they're the ORGAN speakers!! Boy did I feel like an a$$, but now I've gotten over my obsession w/that & moved on to another obsession!! :)