am I nuts?

am I nuts?

Ok, I'm may be really wrong, I don't know...one of my BM's (not the police academy one who can't make it to anything...) has been my best friend for like 15 years, she lives in FL now with her husband and 1 1/2 year old daughter. She is bringing her daughter, play pen, etc. to the house where we are getting ready, and also to the nail place the day before and the hair place the day of. Is this not aburd?? Her sister, husband, and mother will all be available to be with the baby - but she says she cannot be apart from her for the whole 12 hours (she said this like I was totally nuts for even suggesting it!) I am pretty bummed, I'm not really a kid person to begin with - at my shower, I spoke to her for a total of 3 minutes when she wasn't chasing her daughter around, feeding her, changing her, etc. I can't imagine trying to get ready and take pics with this child attached to her hip the whole time. Her daughter was in every single shower pic bc she screams if she is not held - I really don't want this in my wedding pics. I know I sound cold hearted, please don't take offense if you have children. I just think for one day, someone else could watch her! I guess I can count on her screaming all through the church too, bc Ididn't realize she would be there either.

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Re: am I nuts?

Re: am I nuts?

She must be nuts! My son will be 1 1/2 when we get married in May. I already told my Fi that HE will be watching him that morning. That I will be mental all day! I'm sure my FSIL will probably offer to mind him. I would just tell her how much is going to be going on that day & maybe her Mom could watch her.

Re: am I nuts?

I agree with Jennbaby. I too love children, but on your wedding day to have that added stress? I don't think so. How well do you know her husband? Could you ask him to maybe suggest that he take the baby for the day so she can have 'girl bonding time' or something? Or maybe one of your friends or relatives could be on hand to take the baby when she cries. That way there would be no hard feelings.

Re: am I nuts?

that's the thing, the people in her family can totally babysit that whole day, her sister is driving up for just that reason! But she 'can't be away from her for 12 hours..' the sister will prob. come to the house, but her mom was at my shower and it didn't help, the baby was still attached to her all day. I am really frustrated with this! It's not a place for kids, getting ready for a wedding with all that crazy stress!

Re: am I nuts?

talk to her. did you try to yet?

Re: am I nuts?

Have you told her that it is just too stressful for you? If she still doesn't get it maybe you can talk to her sister and explain your situation.

Good luck!!

Re: am I nuts?

Re: am I nuts?

You are not nuts. Unfortunately after having a baby, some women forget about all of the other roles that they play in life. When you are friends with one of them, there really isn't anything you can do about it. I would try to suffer in silence. Anything you say will probably not be well received. I have a friend like this also. She cannot leave her 18 month old with her husband because he wouldn't be able to feed her. She eats real food by herself. Its crazy. I asked her to read at the ceremony to avoid having her skip my shower or something to avoid traveling with her child. I wanted to spare myself some hurt.

Just remember this when it is you who has a baby. One of my other friends lined up a babysitter for my wedding as soon as I told her the date. I love kids, but don't want them running around at my wedding.

Good luck with this one

Re: am I nuts?

becky, I know you're right. I really want to talk to her and tell her she should not have her baby there (this is not a quiet kid, she's a totally running around like a nut kid...) but I don' t think I want to run the risk of hurting our friendship. Ugh!

Re: am I nuts?

are you having other children there at the wedding? If not, perhaps you can go the route where as you have told other couples they cannot bring their children, you do not think it would be appropriate or fair for her to bring hers. And, this is just my opinion but if she is a true friend to you, she will realize that on that day you will be frazzled enough as is and the last thing you need is a child crying, screaming and hollering in the background. If she is a good friend to you she shoudl understand. It's not as if there is no one else to watch the child for her.

Re: am I nuts?

You are NOT nuts. I have a child, and I do not take offense at what you said. You have EVERY right to want to enjoy your wedding day and you are completely justified in not wanting this child (no matter how much you might love and care about her) to tag along at your nail appts, hair appts, and while you're getting ready for your wedding. Please, talk to your friend and TELL her how you feel. This CANNOT take place the way you are saying it will.

And, this is just my opinion on your friend's parenting style, so please don't take offense. Something you said just struck a chord with me. The fact of the matter is - your friend's child screams and carries on whenever her Mom is not around simply BECAUSE your friend refuses to let the child stay with her father or someone else! Your friend is creating her own monster, b/c children get used to what you teach them.

Best of luck with this situation. I truly hope your friend respects your wishes and honors your once-in-a-lifetime day!

Re: am I nuts?

No you are not nuts by any means. Speaking as a mom as well, I think your friend needs to realize that this is YOUR day, and it should be joyful and stress free, which means her daughter needs to be with another family member. A child that age needs constant supervision and as a BM she is supposed to help you that day not vice-versa.

She is not a newborn, so your friend should be able to be without her for a few hours a day. Just MHO

Re: am I nuts?

I dont think you are nuts at all. No offense to your friend but who would want to subject their baby to all the fumes in a nail and hair salon! They are just not places for babies.

Re: am I nuts?

thanks guys for the responses - I am going to talk to her in a nice way somehow - i just needed some encouragement that I was doing the right thing!