So JT just got home about an hour ago, and our friend is here. As I posted the other day, I have been extremely upset at how unappreciative and ungrateful he has been towards me. So anyway, I had a really, really tough week at work with a difficult co worker and I started to tell JT and our friend about it, and as I'm telling them, JT is making fun of what I'm saying and making jokes about it. I got so mad that I left the room. I'm ALWAYS listening to STUPID stories about the BORING people he works with and I NEVER complain to him about it. I just listen because that is what I SHOULD do when he talks to me. But when I am venting over somethign that is really bothering me, he mocks me? I don't know what is going on with him, but I feel so alone right now and angry and I don't understnad why he's treating me this way. He claims I am overreacting.
Xelindrya
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Re: Am I overreacting?
OOOH i hate that!! No I don't think you're over reacting. Some guys just don't 'get it'.
Personally I get ticked beyond belief when anyone says im over reacting or tells me to 'calm down'
JMHO
If Im upset its for a reason. If im talking I expect him to listen, after all I do.
prncssrachel
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I know, it's like, I'm expected to hear about every single person that he came in contact with in a day, yet, when I'm visibly upset over something that happened at work, it's a joke to him. I just keep looking at him this week and seeing a complete child. And if not a child, a complete jackass. I don't know. I mean, and he's home. He's never home in NY and right now I don't want to be near him I'm so upset.
Karen H
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Sounds more like miscommunication - you want him to just listen and commiserate while you vent, he thinks you want him to 'fix' the situation, so instead of just listening, he makes light of it - figuring that if he makes like it's no big deal then you'll see it in a better light and it won't bother you. Add to it the fact that you have a friend over, and he figures this is not the time and place to dump problems, but rather to sit back and enjoy being with your friend.
Still, it's bothering you, so later, just calmly tell him why it upset you to have him make light of what was important to you.
prncssrachel
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Well, this friend is family I should say. We spend so much time with him he's more like a friend. But still. We were sitting around sharing stories from the week. I know he definitely tries to make light of things to get me to 'feel better', but how many times do I need to sit down and spell it out to him that I don't appreciate when he does that? He just doesn't listen. He does not retain one bit of information that I give him. It's so frustrating.
jvs77
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Good explanation, Karen!
I would recommend giving yourself some time to calm down and then speaking with him. IMO, good communication is one of the most important ingredients in a good relationship. Have a real heart to heart with him, and I'm sure everything will be worked out!
prncssrachel
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Ok, I don't want to sound like I am shooting down everything you girls are telling me, but this past week, if I had a dollar for every 'heart to heart' talk we've had, I'd be rich. He either isn't listening to me, he doesn't care, or he truely just doesn't get it. He's recognized that he is quite lazy when it comes to playing an active role in our relationship sometimes, as in showing appreciation, etc.., but he thinks that's enough. Admitting it isn't what I'm looking for, and I've told him that. I have told him that I don't want an apology, I just need for him to show a little more appreciation and to show that he's listening to me. Nothing has worked. And I guess I can't expect things to change right away, but I feel defeated right now.
The Original 2nd-time-around
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I am the wrong one to ask about this today. I am in the same boat and so pissed
jvs77
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Ack - that stinks. I wish I had a magic fix for you. All I can think of is just keep trying to get him to really listen (and comprehend) what you're saying, hopefully it will finally work - or, if things really start to get to you, maybe relationship counseling? (Maybe even mentioning the word 'counseling' will get his attention, and he'll finally take your words to heart.)
If any of the other ladies on here have words of wisdom to share, please chime in!
In the meantime -
prncssrachel
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Thanks
The Original 2nd-time-around
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Love ya Rach! I'LL be more than happy to listen to you vent
SweetCin704
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I'm also in the same boat as you & it gets me SO frustrated. I am having a difficult time this year w/ my class and now it seems he just belittles me when I talk about the kids or blows it off like no big deal. I'm like IT IS A BIG DEAL, it is upsetting me & he just says I'm overreacting or such. URRRRRRRRRR I wish he would 'get it.'
Then I say 'you aren't listening' & he'll say, I can repeat back everything you just said & I'm like so can a 3 year old, but can you give it back to me about how I'm feeling or what I'm truly saying.
He also has not been playing an active part in the relationship---showing appreciation or doing the little things & I'm so frustrated. We aren't even engaged yET & it's like this now!!!!!!!
Hugs to you Rachel
prncssrachel
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Well, I have good news Cindy. There's hope for us after all! We were up until 4am talking about all of this stuff and we came to some conclusions, like....I need to tell him when he says something that upsets me. Not get mad, but say something like, 'When you say blah, blah blah, it really hurts my feelings.' We also cleared up that listening is not about just hearing the words, but having him be able to digest them and give me feedback. Apparently he never learned this in school I think we also acknowledged for the first time that it's hard having, not only a lifetime relationship, but one that's long distance at the moment. And it's putting a lot of strain on us both. It's adding stress that normally wouldn't be here. So all in all, we had a very good talk and both agreed we have things to work on, and although it's rough right now, it's necessary in order to move forward together. So hopefully things will get easier soon.
SweetCin704
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Rachel, I'm glad you guys talked things out. He came home from his 2nd job this am & was quite randy & we started the weekend off right
When he wakes up we are going to talk and then have a nice day together.
I guess WE (girls) take some things for granted & maybe expect things from them that unless we specify or let them know it means alot they have no idea.
Hope you guys enjoy your long weekend!
pschica
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Re: Am I overreacting?
its the same for fh and i some days - and usually it seems so silly once we've talked it out - you can chalk it up a little to wedding stress too.....we often tranplant some of our wrok, school, etc stress on each other and argue over things without meaning too!!
