Am I overreacting? Kind of long - ETA
Ok, so I have never vented on here before but here goes:
I became really close with one of my co-workers who I started working with almost 4 years ago. She was there for my first date with FH and everything else afterwards. She was really excited when we got engaged, etc, etc. She knew about the engagement party 2 months in advance. She said she couldn't wait to go and was really excited.
The morning of my eparty (2 weeks ago), she calls me and is like 'I don't know how I will be able to get to your party today' (she lives in Queens and I live in LI). She's like this person and that person can't drive. I invited her husband also so she's like 'He doesn't get home until 6 and he has the car'. I said that's fine, the party starts at 5, but you can come whenever you want. She's like, 'by the time he gets home and gets ready, we'll get there by 9.' Not sure why it would take them 3 hours to get ready and drive to LI from Queens but ok. Anyway, I tell her, do whatever you want to do, I am kind of busy this morning running around diong things. You knew about this for 2 months. Then I hang up. She calls me back 5 hours later and is like, 'I called the cab and they said it would cost like $50, $75 to come'. I know she doesn't care about the money, it's just another excuse. I said ok, if you don't want to come, don't come but I have to get back to prepare for the party. She never ends up coming.
She comes in to work the following Monday and acts like nothing is wrong. Starts exaggerating that she is sick. She just says, oh come on, don't be mad, blah, blah, blah. She makes every excuse in the book. She never even APOLOGIZES. 2 weeks later (today) she made some comment after some question she asked me. Then we end up talking about this AGAIN and she's like 'I didn't know you felt this way'. I'm like 'HELLO, we spoke about this' and then she comes back and says 'You did tell me, but I didn't know you still felt this way'. So long story short, I tell her that I just don't care anymore, it is what it is and I am not dwelling on it and moved on and tell her that she never even apologized, just made excuses. She finally apologizes, which is meaningless to me since I just told her she never did. Then she tells me that she is really sorry and doesn't want to lose me as a friend and she knows it will take some time to get back to where we were.
I am not the kind of person to hold grudges, I get over things pretty quickly (even when I shouldn't). BUT, in the past 4 years, she missed all my Birthdays and everything always having an excuse. About a month ago, she wanted me to go out to lunch with her so I clear my schedule for her (I never go out to lunch b/c I'm usually so busy at work). I don't bring lunch to work and wait until 12 and ask her so where do you want to go, let's pick somewhere. She tells me, oh, this person is going to wendy's today and I really want it so I'm going to go with them.![]()
So I kind of don't even want to bother with her anymore because I feel like she doesn't care or make an effort for anything. I feel like I should try to remain friends, but then I don't want this to continue to happen and waste my time with someone who will keep doing stuff like this to me. So, what do you girls think?
ETA: Trust me, I totally get that the party is not the center of everyone's universe. I know that things happen and she has a baby and whatever. But SHE was the one telling me for 2 months how excited she is and how she can't wait to go, that she set up her babysitter to come for the night and whatever. There is no way that she didn't have a plan of transportation. She always tells me that I'm the only person that can deal with her and understands her and I'm pretty much her only friend. If you only had 1 friend, would you treat them like this? I never hold grudges either but not showing up to any of my bday's or events with excuses and then not coming to my eparty for a dumb reason kind of pushes me over the edge. I have to speak to her at work since my service manager and I manage all of the sales assistants so there is no way to avoid her. I feel bad that she doesn't have friends but I have a group of close friends that I grew up with and feel like I should spend my time with them, instead of someone who 'claims to by my friend and that I am their only friend'.
Thanks for letting me vent girls and it makes me feel better to know that I am not overreacting.
I became really close with one of my co-workers who I started working with almost 4 years ago. She was there for my first date with FH and everything else afterwards. She was really excited when we got engaged, etc, etc. She knew about the engagement party 2 months in advance. She said she couldn't wait to go and was really excited.
The morning of my eparty (2 weeks ago), she calls me and is like 'I don't know how I will be able to get to your party today' (she lives in Queens and I live in LI). She's like this person and that person can't drive. I invited her husband also so she's like 'He doesn't get home until 6 and he has the car'. I said that's fine, the party starts at 5, but you can come whenever you want. She's like, 'by the time he gets home and gets ready, we'll get there by 9.' Not sure why it would take them 3 hours to get ready and drive to LI from Queens but ok. Anyway, I tell her, do whatever you want to do, I am kind of busy this morning running around diong things. You knew about this for 2 months. Then I hang up. She calls me back 5 hours later and is like, 'I called the cab and they said it would cost like $50, $75 to come'. I know she doesn't care about the money, it's just another excuse. I said ok, if you don't want to come, don't come but I have to get back to prepare for the party. She never ends up coming.
She comes in to work the following Monday and acts like nothing is wrong. Starts exaggerating that she is sick. She just says, oh come on, don't be mad, blah, blah, blah. She makes every excuse in the book. She never even APOLOGIZES. 2 weeks later (today) she made some comment after some question she asked me. Then we end up talking about this AGAIN and she's like 'I didn't know you felt this way'. I'm like 'HELLO, we spoke about this' and then she comes back and says 'You did tell me, but I didn't know you still felt this way'. So long story short, I tell her that I just don't care anymore, it is what it is and I am not dwelling on it and moved on and tell her that she never even apologized, just made excuses. She finally apologizes, which is meaningless to me since I just told her she never did. Then she tells me that she is really sorry and doesn't want to lose me as a friend and she knows it will take some time to get back to where we were.
I am not the kind of person to hold grudges, I get over things pretty quickly (even when I shouldn't). BUT, in the past 4 years, she missed all my Birthdays and everything always having an excuse. About a month ago, she wanted me to go out to lunch with her so I clear my schedule for her (I never go out to lunch b/c I'm usually so busy at work). I don't bring lunch to work and wait until 12 and ask her so where do you want to go, let's pick somewhere. She tells me, oh, this person is going to wendy's today and I really want it so I'm going to go with them.
So I kind of don't even want to bother with her anymore because I feel like she doesn't care or make an effort for anything. I feel like I should try to remain friends, but then I don't want this to continue to happen and waste my time with someone who will keep doing stuff like this to me. So, what do you girls think?
ETA: Trust me, I totally get that the party is not the center of everyone's universe. I know that things happen and she has a baby and whatever. But SHE was the one telling me for 2 months how excited she is and how she can't wait to go, that she set up her babysitter to come for the night and whatever. There is no way that she didn't have a plan of transportation. She always tells me that I'm the only person that can deal with her and understands her and I'm pretty much her only friend. If you only had 1 friend, would you treat them like this? I never hold grudges either but not showing up to any of my bday's or events with excuses and then not coming to my eparty for a dumb reason kind of pushes me over the edge. I have to speak to her at work since my service manager and I manage all of the sales assistants so there is no way to avoid her. I feel bad that she doesn't have friends but I have a group of close friends that I grew up with and feel like I should spend my time with them, instead of someone who 'claims to by my friend and that I am their only friend'.
Thanks for letting me vent girls and it makes me feel better to know that I am not overreacting.
