Am I stupid for being upset?

ok this is kinda long. Fh told me today that my cousins wife is pregnant. Should not be a big deal right. Well i am VERY close with my cousin and even closer with his wife but they have not called me to tell me the good news. She had a miscarrage (sp) last year so I understand that they dont want to tell people yet but I am family!!!! My cousin tells FH but tells him not to tell me, FH kept it a secret for over a week.

And to top it all of the baby is probably due around when we are getting married. I am not like this at all but I feel that everything will revolve around the baby. They are both in our wedding party does that mean that they are going to back out now. I am really struggling with this b/c now all of my close friends are pregnant. Except for my MOH who is trying.

No, I don't think you're being stupid for being upset. I think you're feeling left out since your cousin told your FH & not only didn't tell you, but specifically told your FH not to tell you either. Maybe your cousin just needed a guy to talk to. It's nice that he feels close enough to your FH to confide in him. I think you can understand that sometimes a girl just needs to talk to another girl & a guy needs another guy. I'm sure you'll be told soon. Don't worry about a baby taking away the focus from your wedding. I doubt that would be happen. And if your cousin's wife has to back out of the wedding party, at least it's for a good reason. I bet that once things settle down you'll be happy for your cousin & his wife.

I cant imagine why your FH's cousin would say not to tell you. Sounds like the cousin and wife weren't going to tell ANYONE until they felt she was out of any danger of miscarrying early in the trimester? And the cousin slipped and told your FH? Does anyone else in the family know? If not, then I would assume the cousin couldn't keep it a total secret and told FH. If everyone knows, then I would ask why was it kept from you...that would be weird.

Either way, congratulations for your cousin in laws. Sorry that it is going to be around the time of your wedding. Hopefully she won't be due until a few weeks afterwards and can come to the wedding and be in the wedding party!

I totally understand where you are coming from. Maybe you're cousin's wife didn't tell you because she didn't know how you would feel being that the due date is so close to your wedding. I dunno

Totally understandable...



I'm sure your cousin's wife doesn't even know that her DH told your FI!!!!! She'd probably be mad at him for saying anything especially since she's had a miscarriage before. Her DH must've been so excited and just wanted to say something but wasn't supposed to... Maybe? Do you think that might be the case??

I dont blame you for being upset at all, you felt left out, I wouldnt worry too much about them backing out of the wedding, being pregnant is a big deal, but so is a wedding! My sis is my MOH and she will be 8 months at my wedding, her shower is 5 days before my wedding..I look at it like there is alot to celebrate!!!! maybe its the same with your cousin..you gusy have alot to celebrate, your wedding and the new baby!!!!!maybe just talk to her about it, voice your concerns, is shes family, she'll understand!!! Dont worry, once you guys talk, Im sure it will all be fine!!!

I understand why you feel slighted but honestly it is quite common not to tell anyone you are pregnant until after the first trimester is over. MY SIL and Brother didnt tell anyone outside of immediate (parents and siblings only) before this time because there is such a strong chance of miscarriage. So if I were you I wouldnt feel left out because neither of them told you.
After having a miscarriage once she is probably a little nervous. But her husband was probably a little too excited to keep it a secret!
I think although you may feel upset over them not confiding in you, try to think about the happy and scary time that they, especially your cousins wife are going through.
And i am sure they wont back out of your wedding, they agreed to be in it because of how they felt for you and your FH. Being pregnant wont change that!!

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Posted by Irishbride



And to top it all of the baby is probably due around when we are getting married. I am not like this at all but I feel that everything will revolve around the baby. They are both in our wedding party does that mean that they are going to back out now. I am really struggling with this b/c now all of my close friends are pregnant. Except for my MOH who is trying.

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are you upset that you werent told or upset that its coming around the time of the wedding - maybe thats why you were asked not to be told...yet...

if you had been told would you have gone on here and vented that she was pregnant and due right at your wedding date?

maybe thats the reason why you haven't been told...yet...

Well I dont think u are stupid for being UPSET but i do feel its not right that U are upset....The reason y she probably hasnt said anything is because of her previous Miscarriage...I Just had one...and 2 previous ones...i didnt want to tell no one of this preg..just because of my miscarriages..and it happened again ...your cousin is probably just nervous...so dont be upset!! and her dh prob told your fh because hes excited and nervous...and needed someone to confide in...i think ur fh was wrong to tell u about it. JMO

I dont think someone can even try to guess what someone else was thingking. It could be a slew of reasons. Your not stupid and you have a right to your feelings, but remember we are all very sensitive when it comes to our big event. Take a deep breath and just know that everything will turn out the way its supposed to be...........

You are not at all stupid for being upset. I would hate to hear through the grapevine that someone I was close to was pregnant!

I also think that the proximity of the labor to your wedding bothering you is just a symptom of not being told - not evidence of you being selfish. People tend to be more critical of brides-to-be, simply because it's easy to be. We are held to super-human standards, I think. Planning a wedding is not easy, and when you're not getting the help that you need from those who matter most, little things tend to sting more than they ought. People love to jump all over a 'Bridezilla' just because they get a charge out of it, but give them the stress and pressure we're under, and they'd crack just as easily. Think about it - You have to plan what could very well be the most important day of your life, it's going to cost you more than you ever thought you'd spend, the entire family will be scrutinizing you (not to mention other friends and guests), and you only have one chance to get it right. It's not easy.

This board is all about support, and if someone needs it, we give it. I hope your cousin's baby is born healthy at full term.
And it will only add to the joy of your beautiful wedding.

Thanks for everyones input. I am VERY happy for my cousin and his wife. I am mostly upset b/c I know that everyone else knows and that I dont. My cousins are the only family I have here and they consider me a sister so thats the part that hurts.

I cant wait to be an Aunt.