My FMIL has been asking me forever about what color my mom is wearing going on and on about how she should choose first etc. - So I call my MFIL and tell her my mom has chosen her gown, and it is black - So she is free to choose any color in the rainbow...... My BMs are also wearing black. - Now my FSIL tells me that FMIL will probably get black too.....Now I KNOW black is black and 3/4 of the guests will also be wearing black - BUT....isn't the kind of rude for FMIL to wear it too ?? Especially since she made such an issue of my mom choosing first ??
becks23
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I would probably be a little upset if my FMIL chose to wear black after my mom had already chosen it. I just think that it is nice for the mom's to distinguish themselves from each other.....
sophie78
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I think if your BMs were wearing another color it would not be right. But since your mom selected black, it seems like your mil should select black. Otherwise, she is the only one to stand out. I don't think your mother will stand out if she wears the same color as the bms. imo
marymoon
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I guess he figure sif your mom cna wear black she cna too. she may have wanted to choose another color to not mtach the BM's, but since your om is,it's ok for her too.
but I've also heard it's bad luck for the groom's mom to wear black..if you believe in that stuff.
Dooodles
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With the girls in your wedding party also in black, I wouldn't give her too much grief about it. I agree that if she were the only one not in black, it might look weird
kissy27
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I can understand you being upset about it, but when choosing such a common color & considering your BM's are wearing it, I don't think you should be too offended....
Marisa M
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But why does she have to 'match' ? that's my whole thing. - Who cares if her 'color' is totally and completely different from everything else ? - She and my mom will be in like, one picture together - and that's about the extent of the two of them together that day.....
It's not really the color, it's the fact that she made such a huge issue of how my mom gets to choose first so my FMIL DOESN'T get the same color.......and now she is ?? And like I said, I know it's black - and my mom will totally stand out b/c she's wearing a great ballgown. - To be honest, it really only bothers me b/c it bothers my mom.......I couldn't care less about what color everyone is wearing !!
nov04LIbride
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Did she want your mother to choose hers first so they wouldn't clash? I personally wouldn't care--almost all of our female relatives wore tan/beige, but that was fine...I wouldn't make a big deal of it...
isuser
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JMO, i think your FMIL asked because she wanted to 'match' what your mother is wearing. it is not unusual the two mothers would wear something matching.
and if the bridesmaids are wearing black, and your mother is wearing black. maybe she feels that it's only appropriate for her to wear black, too!
maybe she only has good intention!
Marisa M
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Posted by isuser
JMO, i think your FMIL asked because she wanted to 'match' what your mother is wearing. it is not unusual the two mothers would wear something matching.
and if the bridesmaids are wearing black, and your mother is wearing black. maybe she feels that it's only appropriate for her to wear black, too!
maybe she only has good intention!
Thanks - But she specifically told me she's NOT supposed to wear the same as my mom......that's why she kept asking me about what color my mom got....
isuser
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oh... hmm.. if it does bother you or your mom, just casually bring it up and say,' oh, don't feel obligated to wear black because the bridesmaids and my mom are...' and see what she says!
but i wouldn't worry too much about it either way, people will be looking at YOU that day anyways...
Sweetness
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Some words of advice from a past bride who went through the same thing you are. I know it's hard and feeling and emotions are running high for you right now. BUT let it go, it's your day, you can't control everything. If blacks make her feel beautiful, let her wear it. You may not think this right now, but in the end it won't matter no one will notice. The BM's are in black and the mothers are in black, i think that would look great especially if the wedding is very formal. This is your soon to be husbands mother, Do you really want to start a fight with her and start things out on the wrong foot? Just remember it is your husbands mother respect goes both ways.
My MIL wore christmas tree green, my BMS wore Red, I was in White, my mom in Dark champagne, put us together and we looked like a decorated christmas tree, put my MIL with my sister in law(who was a BM) We'd be the Italian flag. I flipped, but then I stepped back and realized, it's my day no one is going to care what the mothers are wearing or if they match. Believe me, you and your husband will steal the show!
7706bride
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Posted by Marisa M
My FMIL has been asking me forever about what color my mom is wearing going on and on about how she should choose first etc. - So I call my MFIL and tell her my mom has chosen her gown, and it is black - So she is free to choose any color in the rainbow...... My BMs are also wearing black. - Now my FSIL tells me that FMIL will probably get black too.....Now I KNOW black is black and 3/4 of the guests will also be wearing black - BUT....isn't the kind of rude for FMIL to wear it too ?? Especially since she made such an issue of my mom choosing first ??
Ok, I totally understand how you are feeling. Maybe you can suggest that she gets a color that will fit in really nice w/ black, like a Pewter color or something along those lines. Otherwise, I have to say that 'Sweetness' brought up a very good point. Believe me, I would think the same way you do, but it is YOUR day and your FH's day, so truthfully, the attention is on you and him and not really anyone else. If your mom loves her dress, then she will look beautiful, especially since you said it is a puffy dress and will stand out. Don't let these things ruin your happiness, or your mother's happiness about her own dress that she picked out and loved!!! ( i should take my own advice...haha). Good luck and i hope you feel better!
nferrandi
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I have two things for you to consider, 1) is it possible that your FMIL was hoping to wear black to begin with and assumed your mom would pick a color? 2) given the fact that the BMs and your mom will be in black, don't you think your FMIL would stick out like a sore thumb in a color? It would be like that game when you're a kid and they show you a card with 3 apples and one orange and ask you which one doesn't belong.
suven
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My guess is that this was your FMIL's thought process....
'I need to make sure that her mom picks her color first, because it's polite to let the bride's mom pick first and she should get to pick her own color.'...
'Oh, well she's wearing black anyway, so it doesn't matter because she didn't pick 'a color' and everyone will be in black and I don't want to be the only one who looks different, or look like I'm trying to stand out...and, it's always easy to find something nice in black, so I'll go with that too.'
Robinella
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Let her wear black...in the grand scheme of things no one is gonna be noticing what your mom or his mom is wearing...let it go!
leese
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i think the issue is that she made a big deal of it and then just went with the same color!
