Am I wrong?

As some of you know, I recently moved to another state. DH and I were able to buy our very first home and can't wait to have guests. So my best friend was supposed to come over with her DH and her 2 kids on 6/3 until 6/6. I found out on 5/31 that they weren't coming, after I sent an email asking.

Anyway, she's a SAHM and is always with the same 'woe is me' and 'life is so much kinder to you' crap...very negative person. Anyway, she called me and asked if they could come over 6/23 until 6/27. It's really inconvenient because we have zero furniture and I'd like to take a day off from work to show them around, but can't because my DH's family is coming over the week after for 2 weeks and I'm taking off 2 days (I just started my job). So I tell her this...and how it's such short notice and I won't spend time with them and she said 'that's fine, we'll be on our own anyway'...

She calls me today to confirm and I said that we won't be home at all the weekend (or next) and when we are home we'll be painting, organizing, unpacking, making repairs, decorating, etc. because DH's fam comes the week after...so she got upset that I won't have time to spend with her. She said that she thought we'd at least be home on the weekend...and I said we will, just making repairs and painting...that's not cool with the kids. She then said 'look, I'm just going to have to go on my own and stay elsewhere, I can't wait for you to be available, I'm going to have to do my own thing, I need a house too, and honestly, you guys are always busy and are never available'. She added 'last weekend it was that you were going to be out of town, then you decided not to go anywhere (IT WAS OUR 1ST YEAR ANNIVERSARY! ), the next 2 weekends you'll be busy, then your husband's family is coming...it's never comvenient, we can't wait for you'.

This is my best friend since Jr. High...she really hurt me. I feel for her, her life must s*ck in a tiny apt. with 2 kids...but that's not my fault. I told her 'what you said to me was really harsh, I mean, we haven't even been here for 2 months!'...and she said, again 'I have to do my own thing'...and then there was complete silence on the line. I didn't know what to say (we closed on the house 4/19!! ) and said 'later' and hung up.

So sorry for the drama and the vent...please be honest...am I wrong?

No no are not wrong. Your friend is obviously a little jealous that you have it better than her. I know it's hard but try to be understanding. Perhaps she will come around and call you up to apologize once she calms down. Hopefully she's that type of person. She has to understand that right now you are still adjusting to your new house and trying to get everything together.

HTH

Thanks Bella. I never thought of jealousy...I mean, she's the first to admit that she's a jealous person and can't be happy for others (she was my MOH and was miserable at my reception...everyone noticed!). But she claims that with me, since I'm so 'nice', she never gets jealous. I understand the concept of jealousy but it's such an evil thing...and why waste energy on that? Be happy for others, what's yours is coming! I could never be jealous of anyone or anything. I'm the first person to be genuinely happy when good things happen...regardless of whether I like the person or not. I'm a huge believer in karma and don't want any negative feelings around me. I don't know...I guess thinking that she may be jealous makes me even sadder. But thank you for your response!

Sasha, I can't see how you're wrong in this.

Though I don't know if she sounds jealous to me as much as she just doesn't seem to be able to see things for another person's perspective. The way she responded to you being busy, etc. - that just sounds selfish to me.
I understand - she's got her hands full. But she's not the only one.

for you

I think Bella hit the nail on the head. Your friend prob wants to come and see you and enjoy your new home with you, but I think she may feel some resentment that it is not close by so she cannot just drop in, and that you have plans without her. Perhaps if you made a firm date with her for sometime in July that might be good.

As a new homeowner it is really hard to get everything done and the time without furniture is a PIA but most people could care less if they are sitting on folding chairs and little ones are usually ok with the floor. It was a big deal for me to have people over with out furniture because I felt like I was a bad hostess, but our friends and family drove here for 2 hours and brought folding chairs and tables so we could sit and talk and eat. It was ok, but stressful and fun at the same time.

Thank you ladies! I should add that she doesn't want to come see me. She wants to come so she could see if she wants to move to the same state as me. She can't buy a house in NY/NJ and 'where you live seems like the only option'...so I definitely need to have time to show her around, look at houses, help her with choices (she's one of those that can't make a decision on anything)...and what kills me is that I tell her that moving took us almost a year...we made almost 10 trips...did every kind of research...yes, we were blessed, but we worked hard. She said 'if you like it, I'll like it'... We don't want anyone to make such a drastic move based on what happened to us...you know?

I still feel so empty...and when I tell DH he's going to flip out!

Sasha - I know you have been friends with this girl for years but it sounds to me like she can be emmotionally draining. Sad to say but I think you should let her go kinda.. little by little as a friend.. It does not seem like she appreciates your friendship very much. I mean, doesn't she get it that you just moved to your new house and mayeb you don't have the TIME right now to show her around the neighborhood, so she can decide if she wants to live there or not? That's selfish of her. Good luck.

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Posted by SomethingBlu

She said 'if you like it, I'll like it'... We don't want anyone to make such a drastic move based on what happened to us...you know?

I still feel so empty...and when I tell DH he's going to flip out!

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Sasha, I agree with what Shorty posted on LIF, but I wanted to add that the above comment your friend made makes me think. The 'if you'll like it, i'll like it' doesn't wash with me. That sets things up for her to blame YOU if she is not happy moving to GA. kwim?

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

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Posted by SomethingBlu

She said 'if you like it, I'll like it'... We don't want anyone to make such a drastic move based on what happened to us...you know?

I still feel so empty...and when I tell DH he's going to flip out!

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Sasha, I agree with what Shorty posted on LIF, but I wanted to add that the above comment your friend made makes me think. The 'if you'll like it, i'll like it' doesn't wash with me. That sets things up for her to blame YOU if she is not happy moving to GA. kwim?

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I completely agree with Rebecca.

Thanks for your responses!!

We can't really cut her out of our lives...we're godparents to her kids (me and DH to the oldest, DH and another friend to the youngest). And we love her and her family, hence why this is so painful.

But after speaking with DH last night I came to realize that maybe there is a little bit of jealousy
and a lot of selfishness. It's hard for her to see what we have to do because she honestly doesn't care. It's hard to grasp, but it's true. She's too caught up in her own life and has some resentment toward us (always been an issue) and since she feels that she has it so much harder than us, well, she can't quite give a damn about our life.

So I'm leaving the issue alone...if she contacts me that's fine, if not, well she's got issues to work out. And I do wish her the best...and I wish that she weren't so hasty in making decisions that affect her life and that of her family. Like driving almost 1000 miles on a tiny car with 2 small kids to be somewhere you've never been before for 2 days. DH and I weren't 'lucky', yes, God has blessed us tremendously, but we actually planned our trips, the move, the life change. What a concept!

Again, thank you ladies!!