I lost my grandma 3 weeks ago. I used the term 'grandma' loosely because she raised me and did more than my real mother ever did for me, so therefore I looked at her as mom since I was a baby. I've been extremely affected by all of this and since then have gotten sick because I've been so run down. Anyhow, my FSIL was the MOH at a wedding yesterday to which we were invited. So, I went to the wedding last night with FH and the rest of the FIL's. Since it has only been 3 weeks since she passed away, all the happenings since the week before she passed till the week after are still fresh in my memory. At the beginning of the reception when the bride and groom walked in and had there first dance to which they later invited all the couples to join in, I got very emotional knowing that my grandma wouldn't be there for that moment when it was my turn and I went back to the table and couldn't help but cry. So obviously, I'm still very much in mourning and felt it was too soon for me to dance. FMIL decided to ask us why we weren't dancing and FH told her (in greek) that it was because I was still mourning. So she proceeded to ask him (in greek, but I basically knew what she was talking about) if it was becuase of my grandma. To which FH asnswers yes. She the turns to me and says that I should go dance, so I tell her that it's too soon. Then she has the nerve to tell me that my grandma was 86 so she was old already and that everybody dies so I should just go have fun and party!
Am I wrong for being so upset?
I feel like she totally devalidated my feelings???
What-Now
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
OH MY GOD! SHE SAID WHAT? OH MY GOD!
franksbride
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
You are not wrong for being upset...and I'm sorry if this offends you...but your FMIL had some nerve saying something like that to you.
Try not to let it bother you though...your grandma was special and you should be allowed to mourn her.
EvenEdan
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
I think her comments were insensitive and I could understand you being hurt by them. Nobody has the right to belittle your emotions. I am sure though that she meant well, she probably just really wanted to see you and your FH have a good time and didn't realize what she was saying.
butterfly20
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
omg that sounds like something my mother would say sticking the foot in the mouth, insensitive..... you have every right to grieve and often other people cant understand what your going through... i think the fmil was trying to say that that being 86, your grandmother was at an old age which is normal for people to pass away at(unlike say 30 years old)..
but that still doesnt make a difference because you were close to your grandmother and are still grieving her death, ONLY YOU should be the only one to decide when you are done doing so..
curly2003
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
People are so rude!!!!. I am sorry!!!!. Only you know how you should mourn.
nrvbrd
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
The sheer and utter NERVE!!!!!
That is so rude and cold and unfeeling.
Please accept my condolences for your loss.
mishandgerard
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
everyone mourns differently, and some mourn longer then others. some people would be over it and others not. she was being very insensitive to you. i am sorry she did this to you. right now you need support from everyone to help you through this. hugs
korkev313
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
I would be extremely upset, i dont think she could have been more insensetive to your feelings. My grandfather (who was more like my father) passed away almost 3 years ago of lung cancer, he passed away on my birthday and when my cousin said happy birthday to me and i started to cry her response was, shes going to have to deal with it. i still havent made a decision on who is walking me down the isle because i always had a vision of it being him and i still mourn for his loss. It is always hard losing someone that you love, but i think it is even harder when your doing something so special that you wanted so much for them to be a part of. I hope that your fh stood by you and understood, because in the end its going to be the two of you to lean on each other and no one else. I am very sorry for your loss and i hope everything works out.
LizD
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
I am sorry but that was very rude on your FMIL's part to say that to you at all. Three weeks is hardly anytime at all to grieve, especially when it was someone that you were so close to. Events like weddings and holidays always are a bit harder. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks , you take your time and go through the grieving process at your own pace
jannshari
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
It was completely insensitive and inappropriate for her to make any comments like that to you. I would also be offended if someone was obviously talking about me in front of me in a language that I can't understand (I'm assuming that you don't speak Greek from your post), but it seems that she doesn't mind appearing rude. I'm so sorry that you had to hear someone say something like that to you. No one has the right to tell you how to grieve and for how long.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
tootsie
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
you can be 100, you can't put a number on it. age does not matter when you lose someone so close. she was wrong! she may not have meant to be harsh but she needs to use her words more wisely.
Alvatorre74
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Re: Am I wrong for being upset? (Vent! A little long)
