FSIL recently got engaged 2 weeks ago and is planning on getting married 6-8 months after FH and I. Initially I thought how great it was b/c we could do wedding planning together and FSIL and I get along great. BUT now I'm realizing that FH and I are gonna be pushed to the side by his parents now that FSIL is getting married. Right after we got engaged, FH's parents told us that they would not be able to help us out much financially b/c they would have to p ay for FSIL's wedding, but that they would help out as much they could. That annoyed me a little b/c he's still their son, but whatever. But now that FSIL is actually engaged, I feel like FH's parents are dropping hints that they will no longer be able to help us out with the wedding. This is bothering me b/c my parents now feel like they should give us more money to compensate for what FH's parents had agreed to give us. I dont want my parents in that position and if anything FH and I will have to work harder to save for what his parents would have contributed. I also feel like FMIL has completely become disinterested in our wedding...understandably her only daughter is getting married so I expect her to be happy, but she doesnt even ask how our plans are going or even show any interest. Am I just being overly sensitive or do I have a right to feel annoyed?
iwannabmrsD
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
No, I don't think u'r being overly sensitive.. but it may be too early to call. Thing is, her engagement just happened.. so it's new.. it's fresh.. it's exciting.. everyone is like oohh u'r getting married lemme see the ring, lets go look at halls what kind of gown do u want.. not to ignore u and u'r fhubby but because it's 'new' so i'd say just play teh backgrund for a minute and let them relish in their only daughters engagement bfor you decide if u should be upset.. i got engaged in may for an 09 wedding.. intitially we were doing EVERYTHING did it in 2 weeks actually, had the hall selected, and everything.. now we're like ladi da dee..
i say let her have her moment.. (now if come nov/dec of 08 they are stil completely ignroing u and fhubby...then by all means GO OFF!)
MJDoc12
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
sorry you are starting to feel left out--but i would go ahead and NOT count on them for anything. just work that much harder for your contribution and be thankful for whatever your parents can contribute.
i know they said they would help--but believe me, in the wedding planning process, ppl say a bunch of things and how they will help--and in the end many times the help isn't there.
MyLobster
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
I believe your feelings are validated.
First...I do understand that traditionally the bride's parents pay for a majority of the wedding. However, if they told you they would help then that is now their responsibility and just wrong to take it back!
Second...Money aside, they should be more interested in their son's wedding. That is actually really sad that they aren't now bc FSIL is engaged.
Sorry you have to deal with this! Good luck!
rsolano222
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
Thanks for the feedback ladies. I needed to hear that I wasnt being overly dramatic or sensitive. Guess we'll see what happens as time goes by. Thanks again for the support!
LB and DC
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
you are not wrong at all, i would be annoyed too. let it be for a little while - you have some time until your wedding - and if your FILs say that they can't help you at all with your wedding, then raise hell!!
FalNBill
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
No I dont think your being overly sensitive - it's normal what your feeling being the circumstances what they are. Im really sorry that your feeling this way, & am really sorry this is happening to you. It's terrible that FMIL is treating you guys like this - but I would say just keep your head up & do what you need to do to make up for the money lost, I mean they havent said that they weren't going to not give you the money yet, they have only dropped hints, so maybe the next time they make a remark - you or FH can hit them with 'We are so apperciative that you are going to help us' or 'It means the world to us' and see what happens from there. Good luck with everything and keep us posted.
mskittynj
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
You're not 'wrong' to feel hurt. You have to understand though that people get caught up in their own lives! My SIL was pregnant when I was planning my wedding she could really care less. So I understand how you feel. The people that love you and care for you will be excited for you! XOXOXO Kitty
Luvbsb4eva
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
I don't think you're wrong at all for being upset. FH's parents should be equally excited about both of their children getting married, however I do agree with what was said earlier that it is probably because FSIL just got engaged and it is new and exciting. So I would give it some time until the new part wears off, then see what happens.
I can also say from the perspective of my family that both my parents and FH's parents are very traditional. My parents are paying for the wedding, and FH's parents are doing the RD, which is typically how things were done in the past, but not so much anymore... which is why FH and I are both extremely lucky and grateful! And I know that my parents being traditional are planning to save for my sisters wedding as well, but not as much for my brothers, however I know that they will be equally excited for his wedding... and if my brother needed it, they would step up and contribute. I honestly do not think it's right though that FH's parents agreed to help you, and then took it back. You can't say one thing and then change your mind. I think you are very right to be upset about that as well!
All I can say is hang in there, and hopefully everything will work out right! And if not, I am sure that you still have your family and/or friends by your side to be excited for you!
denadewolf
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
Sorry!! My fh parents have nothing to do with our wedding planning either!! In fact, my fh was working for his family and three days after we got engaged they let him go and we had to start our own business 6 months before our wedding
Families all function differently. Be glad that your FH is there with you through it all: :
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
I would be upset as well in your situation. Its gotta be hard when you feel like your big day is now totally over shadowed.
My FILs, on the other hand, havent done anything or offered to pay for anything so I dont even know what that would be like to expect that. I know ppl have different opinions on this and everyone has diff situations, but generally etiquette designates the brides parents as responsible for paying for the wedding, so Id try to do what you and fh can do to help out your parents with paying and not expect FILs to do much now that they do have more on there plate w/ paying for their own daughters wedding. It doesnt mean they should be any less interested in you and fh's big day though, and Im sorry youre dealing with that.
bemyyoko
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Re: Am I wrong? (very long...sorry)
I would feel exactly the same way. You have a right to feel how you do. Regaurdless of the money issue. It might be early yet, i mean the excitement of your FSIL's engagment is still very fresh. Maybe once things settle down your FMIL will act differantly.
