'and guest' question, how would you respond? UPDATED

Ok, so I invited all of the single people 'with guest' to be nice, thinking if they didn't have a guest, they'd use their best judgement in responding.

One of my friends from college emailed me questioning the 'and guest' (luckily, she's speaking with my old roommate at the same time so I'm getting some translation). She has a new boyfriend and wants to bring a 'mutual friend' of ours from college instead. I have barely seen this 'mutual friend' in the past 9 years since I've graduated college, she lives in Atlanta (girl I invited in Philly).

So, basically, she just emailed me asking if it's ok? I know I can't say no since I did invite her with guest but, how would you respond? What I want to say is don't just bring someone just to bring someone and who would want to spend all that money to go to a wedding they weren't invited to?

Thanks!

UPDATE - I took used Dani's response and wrote back to her. She said the girl was really excited to fly from Atlanta to come to my wedding (even though I've seen her once in 9 years for 15 minutes and haven't corresponded with her in any way). I guess it's better than her bringing just any old guest that I don't know!!!

I realize, inviting someone with guest means they have the right to bring a guest, I was just surprised at the whole situation, that someone I'm not close with but know, would fly from Atlanta to come to my wedding as a guest of one of the people I invited. It's just not something I would even think of. Maybe if it was a year or two out of college but, it's been awhile!

I think if you invite someone with guest, they're entitled to bring a guest - no matter who....

JMHO, I wouldn't want to get an invite as a '+ one - but only if I approve'...

I would be honest-- I would be like 'well, I invited you with a guest so of course that guest is of your choosing-- I'm just surprised that a girl/guy I don't really know that well would travel all the way from Atlanta, at his/her own expense, just to come to my wedding.'

see what she says lol very interesting and that's the chance you take when you invite people w/ guests-- but ya gotta do it and i know i'll be in the same position in about 8 months LOL

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I think if you invite someone with guest, they're entitled to bring a guest - no matter who....

JMHO, I wouldn't want to get an invite as a '+ one - but only if I approve'...

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I totally agree with you. I just think it's weird and wanted to figure out a good way to respond since she asked if it's ok!

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I think if you invite someone with guest, they're entitled to bring a guest - no matter who....

JMHO, I wouldn't want to get an invite as a '+ one - but only if I approve'...

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I absolutely agree. You put it out there by including the '& guest' for those you know are actually single...so it's fair game.

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

I would be honest-- I would be like 'well, I invited you with a guest so of course that guest is of your choosing-- I'm just surprised that a girl/guy I don't really know that well would travel all the way from Atlanta, at his/her own expense, just to come to my wedding.'

see what she says lol very interesting and that's the chance you take when you invite people w/ guests-- but ya gotta do it and i know i'll be in the same position in about 8 months LOL

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That is perfect! It says the idea seems a little weird without saying it that way I could understand maybe if the wedding was in NYC or if she wasn't going to know a soul but, it's just odd...
She's not my arch enemy so it's not like I'd be so upset if she was there or anything but, it's just odd...

Like I said above, I know that I by inviting people with guest, there would be people that would bring any old guest (and I knew this friend would be one of them). I just didn't think I'd be consulted about it!

most of DH's single friends called and asked him if they could bring dates and if it was OK that they'd only been dating a couple months. i think it must be guest etiquette that as brides we forget exists b/c we know from now on we have a date to weddings!

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Posted by CLMon7906

most of DH's single friends called and asked him if they could bring dates and if it was OK that they'd only been dating a couple months. i think it must be guest etiquette that as brides we forget exists b/c we know from now on we have a date to weddings!

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True, I guess it was thoughtful. Maybe too she wanted to make sure that I didn't want this specific person there for some reason (which I guess I'd appreciate if it was someone who I couldn't stand).

yeah... I think Danielle's approach is the way to go in this case.

That's why I tried to avoid 'and guest' unless I knew they were with someone for awhile.

If someone wants to bring someone, and I didn't invite them with a guest, then they can ask me and I'll probably let them. This way we're not paying for the flavor of the week for all our single friends.

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Posted by sarahradio5.

This way we're not paying for the flavor of the week for all our single friends.

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LMAO

or even better: the flavor of the EVENING

I invited 'with guests'. Trusting their best judgement.

I still don't know how people can invite people with the 'long term'relationship criteria. What is long term? Does that mean someone who is dating someone for 3 months is less 'serious' than someone who has been dating for 8 months. This is so hard to justify to your guests and creates animosity. It needs to be fair to all guests.

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I think if you invite someone with guest, they're entitled to bring a guest - no matter who....

JMHO, I wouldn't want to get an invite as a '+ one - but only if I approve'...

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I agree, you cannot chose what guest they bring

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Posted by sr081906

I invited 'with guests'. Trusting their best judgement.

I still don't know how people can invite people with the 'long term'relationship criteria. What is long term? Does that mean someone who is dating someone for 3 months is less 'serious' than someone who has been dating for 8 months. This is so hard to justify to your guests and creates animosity. It needs to be fair to all guests.

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I agree with you completely!

ETA: The only person we blatently invited without guest was my 18 year old cousin because his girlfriend is anti-social and gets to the point where she 'wants to go home' and my aunt has to trek her back (and usually it is from somewhere 30 minutes from her home).

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I think if you invite someone with guest, they're entitled to bring a guest - no matter who....

JMHO, I wouldn't want to get an invite as a '+ one - but only if I approve'...

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I agree!