Annoyed with a friend

I have a friend that I have known since the 8th grade. We were best friends all through high school and although we arent as close as we used to be we are still friends.

I have been through thick and thin with this friend, and I was also in his bridal party for his wedding 6 years ago.

When he got engaged he had an engagement party which my parents and I were invited too. I got him a medium priced gift and so did my parents. Then his wife had a shower which my mom was invited to, and she got them a gift. And then at the wedding, I gave them a good amount of money and so did my parents.

Well the reason I am annoyed with him now is that when Danielle and I got engaged, we didnt have a party or anything. My friend Didn't get me a gift. A few of our other friends did though. And now after Danielle's shower, Danielle told me that the gift this friend got us was less than $22.

I don't want to sound mean or that I am greedy or anything, because I am not. I am just annoyed that my friend of 18 years that is in my bridal party could be so inconsiderate.

I don't plan to say anything to him. I would never do that.

Am I wrong to be annoyed with him?

Would you be mad?

Need more info: WHO gave the shower gift? Was it your friend's wife? Or, is he remarried or divorced and dating someone or something?

When he was getting married, who gave the gifts to him? Was it your current fi, you, or a girlfriend?

Could their logic have been that since there was no shower gift from you, that anything they gave your fi would be good? Is it possible that they will be giving you a big, chunk wedding gift?

Or, is the guy just legitimately low on funds, out of work, having a child...anything?

Edited to say: I can completely identify with how you feel. I recently got married. One couple gave us $100 less than we gave them for their wedding.

For one of my guy friends, when he got married, I gave his wife a large shower gift and I wasn't even able to attend the shower. But, they got divorced not too long after the wedding. I let him bring a girlfriend to the wedding, but since I had never met her, my mom didn't invite her to the shower. So, no shower gift from them. He gave back the same gift that I gave him for his wedding, though.

For one of my cousin's, I gave her $100 for her shower. She didn't attend mine and didn't send anything either. I also gave her a nice wedding gift. For my wedding, she and her husband, and another sister, piggy-backed off of their parent's gift. I was pretty surprised about all that.

To me, it's the thought that counts. That's why I was pissed.

I don't know if you have a right to be angry however I understand if you are and would be myself! Sometimes things like that make you question if it's just that they have no money or is it that they think that little of you????

We were in a similar situation, DH closest friend in the wedding party....broke his leg the day before our wedding and couldnt come. We were so sad....but he never sent a card or gift. We are apalled since we went to his wedding, DH was in his wedding party, and we gave a very generous gift...as we do to all our CLOSE friends. We dont expect the same in return, but something would be nice or even a card would be nice!

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Posted by suven

Need more info: WHO gave the shower gift? Was it your friend's wife? Or, is he remarried or divorced and dating someone or something?

When he was getting married, who gave the gifts to him? Was it your current fi, you, or a girlfriend?

Could their logic have been that since there was no shower gift from you, that anything they gave your fi would be good? Is it possible that they will be giving you a big, chunk wedding gift?

Or, is the guy just legitimately low on funds, out of work, having a child...anything?

Edited to say: I can completely identify with how you feel. I recently got married. One couple gave us $100 less than we gave them for their wedding.

For one of my guy friends, when he got married, I gave his wife a large shower gift and I wasn't even able to attend the shower. But, they got divorced not too long after the wedding. I let him bring a girlfriend to the wedding, but since I had never met her, my mom didn't invite her to the shower. So, no shower gift from them. He gave back the same gift that I gave him for his wedding, though.

For one of my cousin's, I gave her $100 for her shower. She didn't attend mine and didn't send anything either. I also gave her a nice wedding gift. For my wedding, she and her husband, and another sister, piggy-backed off of their parent's gift. I was pretty surprised about all that.

To me, it's the thought that counts. That's why I was pissed.

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I gave the gifts to him and his wife. I didn't have a girlfriend at the time. I always used to get him birthday gifts, and he would never get me anything. After a few years of that, he told me he thought we shouldnt exchange gifts and just give each other cards.

As for who bought the gift, I would assume his wife did. He is not the type to go to Fortunoffs or macys. The only type of spending he likes to do is on his car, or from Home Depot.

I doubt I will be getting a big chunk of money from him for Danielle and I's wedding gift. I guess i just assumed that he would do the right thing for my wedding. I guess that I assumed too much.

Right now he is employeed, and his wife has a really good job. He was unemployed for over a year while he went back to school to get his master degree.

At the time of his wedding I was going to school and I was working. I wasnt making alot of money, but I still gave him really good gifts. He was my best friend and he was important to me.

Even though we havent been best friends in years, I figured that I was still important to him.....but whatever....I guess alot of people show their cheapness when it comes to weddings. We have gotten alot of good gifts from people that don't even know us that well. Its funny.

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Posted by Danielle&Scott

I guess alot of people show their cheapness when it comes to weddings. We have gotten alot of good gifts from people that don't even know us that well. Its funny.

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SO TRUE! I was definitely surprised! Some people gave extremely extravagent gifts. Other close people gave very small gifts.

My mother gave me the best advice:

Expect to receive absolutely nothing. Then, no matter what you receive, you'll always be happy and not disappointed.

Also remember that no matter how well you think you know someone, you will never really be sure of what is going on in their lives. They may be in financial trouble, even if they have good jobs. Especially if he was unemployed and in grad school. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt with things like that because you just never know.


ETA that I know you are not upset over the money or the gift, I know it's the effort and the thought and the energy that goes into that you are lacking from your friend, but I think when you are the type of person who gives generously to others, you can have a hard time understanding how someone else can not be that way. I know I am the same way. I try to be as generous as possible. And sometimes it comes back to me, and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, I have to remind myself why I am generous in the first place, not to get back what I gave, but because it makes me feel good to give generously to someone else. Selfish on my part if you really think about it, but I equate being generous with letting peopel know I care, some people equate just giving SOMETHING with caring. Go figure.

that's okay
i have a old friend from 4th GRADE
we are now 34ish
she got me a votive candle that cost less than $10 for my engagement

some people don't always the think of you or reciprocate the same way you would

i try to remember that when i think about gifts my friends would like...live and learn
sorry about that!