annoyed with MOH (long)

i've been friends with my MOH since we were 4 and we really don't have much in common anymore but we're more like sisters at this point than friends. i am having her daughter be my flowergirl and her son (my godson) be my ring bearer. I am regretting asking her and the kids to be in my BP for a few different reasons and don't know what to do....
First, she had a flower girl dress for Laurie from a different wedding. I absolutely hated it. It was a tafetta nightmare. (i swear i'm not being a bridezilla, it was REALLY god-awful) At the recommendation of some of the girls here, I approached her about it and basically said that it wasn't the style I was going for, and that I would love it if Lauries dress kind of matched mine and that I'd be willing to pay for it (she is having financial hardship w/3 kids to support). It was fine, she totally understood, no problem.
Next came her gown. I was able to get a good price by ordering them online (about $110). I paid for them up front and the rest of the BM gave me the money back except her. AFTER I order them, she told me she didn't have that kind of money for a dress. So here I am paying for her dress too. I was a little peeved at this point, but I figured, what the heck.
Finally today, I emailed her that the guys ordered their tuxes and I needed to find out what size my godson wore so I could order his little tux for her bc the tux place is a local mom and pop shop and they don't have locations in NC for her to do it herself. She emails me back and says that my godson doesn't like to wear ties and is it okay if he wears a white shirt and black slacks. I mean, COME ON ALREADY!!!! Am I overreacting??? And what do I say?? I really wanted him to match the guys. Should I leave it alone and let him wear whatever? I just don't want to get stuck paying another $100 for his tux too.
Sorry this is so long but I had to vent...

I too had problems leading up with my BP and the dressing of the kids. You've done enough. Personally, I'd let the RB wear a shirt and slacks. But I'd require him to wear a tie at the ceremony. It's not that long.

Is there any way to get his tux for free? We ordered enough that our place gave us the two boys and DH for free. Maybe if you can get them to throw the boys in for free, email her back and tell her you want him to match and not to worry because his is free. I had a similar situation as you..got stuck paying for three girls dresses..and they were family and two days before my wedding, 10 minutes before leaving for my rehearsal dinner, my one cousin and her daughter backed out and we were stuck with the dresses and personalized gifts, flowers and plates that were all paid for already. I hope this girl doesn't pull that she can't come on you next.

i would tell her no - that her son needs to wear a tie. too bad.

the more you keep bending for your MOH the more you are going to resent her later. and i found in my life - most friendships fizzle cause problems are not confronted.

dont let this fester into something bigger later - just tell her that you are sorry but the kid will have to suck it up w/ a tie on through the ceremony and pictures....and YOU should not feel bad about it. its your wedding.

I think it's okay to ask her to pay for the tuxedo. If you think about it she'll be paying $100 for her dress, her daughter's dress AND her son's tuxedo.... It's really a bargain if you think about it, (since you've paid for everything else). Besides, when she agreed to be part of your bridal party she had to at the very least realize she would have to pay for her dress. You chose an extremely affordable dress and she didn't even anty up for that. One of the previous posts makes a good point, will she back out of coming up for the wedding all together?

I'd tell her, 'Tough $h!t'...Sorry to be so blunt, but you've bent over backwards for her, and at this point it seems that she's taking advantage of your kindness.

She shouldn't have accepted your invitation to be in your wedding if she wasn't prepared to do all the things that go along with it. And saying, 'My son doesn't like to wear ties'??? That's just BS..What guy or boy actually enjoys wearing a tie? It's your wedding, not hers or her son's...

I'm so sorry! You have gone above and beyond for her!! I would tell her that her son needs to wear the tie and have her pay for the tux. First though if she resists I would gently ask her whether she is positive she will make it for the wedding since she seems to have alot of difficulty paying for things (not sure how she would afford a plane trip, etc.)