Annulment/Church questions

FH was married once before in the Catholic Church, and even though he got divorced like over five years ago, he still does not have an annulment. When we got serious, he did get the paperwork, and we started on it, but then he didn't want to bother answering the questions - I guess it might have triggered some bad memories.

This was never an issue because we had decided that we did not want to wait for the annulment to go through, and that we wanted to get married this year, and possibly outdoors, weather permitting. It was my dream to get married outdoors and was something important to me to make my day special. He said he was fine with that, and that he actually liked the idea.

Fast forward to today - I get a text this morning from FH. He only just told his mother that we were planning on getting married outdoors. He tells me that his mother is upset we are not getting married in a church, and could I please help him with the annulment papers so we can now get married in a church!!!

I know nothing about annulments and how long they take. Please, if anyone knows, I would really appreciate it.

Also, I am worried that since our hall is booked for November, that even if we get a quick annulment, that no church will have availability for us.

i could be wrong, but isn't an annulment only for a 'mistake' marriage? meaning, you got married and within a certain time frame, you can negate the marriage?

at this point, doesn't he just need to divorce the former wife?

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Posted by jwleewedding

i could be wrong, but isn't an annulment only for a 'mistake' marriage? meaning, you got married and within a certain time frame, you can negate the marriage?

at this point, doesn't he just need to divorce the former wife?

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no, my friend was married for years and just recently got her annulment. She's been divorced forever.

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Posted by allornil

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Posted by jwleewedding

i could be wrong, but isn't an annulment only for a 'mistake' marriage? meaning, you got married and within a certain time frame, you can negate the marriage?

at this point, doesn't he just need to divorce the former wife?

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no, my friend was married for years and just recently got her annulment. She's been divorced forever.

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Oh ok, i wasn't sure.

Thanks everyone so far....

As for the annulment, it's about $1,000.00 - so far he's paid some of it.

As for a 'mistake' marriage, you do need a reason - this is partially why it took him so long on the paperwork so far, because he had to really think about what caused the breakdown in their relationship.

Oh this just stinks, I am stressing about so many things, I really don't need to worry about this now.

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Posted by saralee1978

Thanks everyone so far....

As for the annulment, it's about $1,000.00 - so far he's paid some of it.

As for a 'mistake' marriage, you do need a reason - this is partially why it took him so long on the paperwork so far, because he had to really think about what caused the breakdown in their relationship.

Oh this just stinks, I am stressing about so many things, I really don't need to worry about this now.

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agreed. just go get married outside the church. are you planning on having your ceremony at your RH?

I'd wait and do it later. There's no way you'll have it before your wedding anyway.

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Posted by saralee1978

Thanks everyone so far....

As for the annulment, it's about $1,000.00 - so far he's paid some of it.

As for a 'mistake' marriage, you do need a reason - this is partially why it took him so long on the paperwork so far, because he had to really think about what caused the breakdown in their relationship.

Oh this just stinks, I am stressing about so many things, I really don't need to worry about this now.

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Sorry you're dealing with this. You could always have your marriage blessed by the Catholic church after the annullment goes through.

We had planned to get married at the RH - which is what sparked all of this debate!

I have absolutely no problem not having a church wedding, and since we were planning on having children, I figured once the annulment came through that we could have a quiet church ceremony after the wedding. But of course, now he doesn't want to upset his mom....

IMO i think you should stick with the outdoor wedding. it wass YOUR original plan and YOUR wish to do that anyway. don;t let his mother start dictating how she wants things to go. this is not her call....

If you are planning to get married in November you (or your FH) should probably forget the idea of getting married in the church. The annulment process is very long. It involves more then you Fh just filling out some papers and in the end there is no guarantee that it will be granted...not to mention is is VERY expensive.
On a side note...why is it your responsibility to help you FH fill out his annulment papers? He was the one who put off doing it...why is it now problem now?

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Posted by saralee1978

We had planned to get married at the RH - which is what sparked all of this debate!

I have absolutely no problem not having a church wedding, and since we were planning on having children, I figured once the annulment came through that we could have a quiet church ceremony after the wedding. But of course, now he doesn't want to upset his mom....

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He doesn't want to upset his mom but... it was his life choices, that led to the divorce and that led to the requirement of an annulment. No judgment here, I don't want that to sound harsh, life happens, you know? But she should take a minute to understand that and so should he... if you're both ok with having a wedding outside of church, he should a) stand up for that b) take ownership of his choices and c) mom should be a little understanding as well, that you as part of the couple but not part of the decision to get divorced, may not want to wait for a lengthy annument process.

Good luck hon, I can only imagine how frustrating and stressful this is for you

I went though an annulment. You can get an annulment even after a long marriage- you need to prove that you marriage was not valid from the day you got married for example you or your ex went into a marriage clouded by drugs alcohol, you were too young, forced into the marriage) You can not get a quicky annulment. There is a whole process. It took me 2 years for it to go through. First you get interviewed by a priest/or nun- you then have to write up your life story and your ex's and your story together. You also have to get 2 witnesses to do the same. You then go back and get interviewed again by a priest and a Psychologist. It then goes in front of a board of priests who will say yes/no grounds of annulment. It then has to be signed off by 3 higher priests/judges.

its a huge process. I would say stick to your outdoor marriage and if you really want to get married in the church, start the process now and maybe you can renew your vows in a church later on
HTH
Good luck

edit to add- it is very expensive. It cost me $1500.00 to do it