Another spinoff to attraction

OK, now, let's go another way with this

We've established that most of you would stay in the event of physical dismemberment or disfigurement

now, the question is, let's say that all of the internal qualities that you love about DH go away. The person you grew to love spiritually, emotionally and intellectually changes, either naturally (i.e. over time the person you were initially attracted to, evolved and just became a different person) , or becuase an accident has left him unable to communicate.

In either case, it's gone.

Stay or go?

Stay, because after knowing him for so long, I could never turn my back on him, especially when he needs me the most.

However, I'm not saying that I'd necessarily be 'happy'.

eta: It really is a hard situation for everone involved.
Don, what about you?

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Posted by shorty the pumpkin

Stay, because after knowing him for so long, I could never turn my back on him, especially when he needs me the most.

However, I'm not saying that I'd necessarily be 'happy'.

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I agree.

Stay...

to love and honor, in times of sickness and health....till DEATH do us part.


I'm in it for life

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Posted by Moehick

What do you mean by naturally? that he just turned into an a** hole?

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yes I too am a tad confused by this one...

TOO MANY deep questions for a Friday , Donny old boy

Hmm.. well to me that's a MUCH more complex question, and I cannot honestly say with certainty that I'd stay at all costs .. because as I've established on other threads, its more the personality, values, etc and the PERSON that Anthony is that I fell in love with far above and beyond the physical person he is

So If everything I loved about my husband was gone ...ESPECIALLY the personality, his feelings about things, his laughter, his beliefs.. all the aspects and essence of him that truly makes him HIM .. well I cannot imagine I would even feel like it was him anymore and I'm not sure what i would do.

Of course I think the fact that wer are married and deeply committed would make me stand true to those vows - however it certainly would be a far more difficult road to go down than that of him losing his physical qualities .. both of which I hope never to have to face

JMHO

I can't honestly say what I'd do in any situation unless I was actually in it.
I'd like to say that i'd stay no matter what....but who knows what I'd actually do.
Hopefully, I'll never find out

It's so funny you mentioned this today. My mother's cousin was once a pretty, vibrant, yet vain individual. She would always flaunt her looks and put my mother down because she didn't measure up to her physically. A double embolism at 33 left her crippled, unable to speak, etc. She can barely communicate and is unable to do anything for herself. It's like living with a houseplant sometimes (I know it sounds terribly cruel but she's no better off than Terri Shiavo). There are days where she cannot communicate at all and spaces out. She's in diapers, the whole bit. Her once young and equally vibrant husband has STAYED with her and cared for her since it happened. He is now in his late 70's. I'm sure he's had his extra-curricular activities through the years but he never left her, etc. She's not doing well physically and I have to wonder if he's praying for the end, to finally free him of his burden. I think it takes an incredibly strong person to put their needs aside, to have a 'normal' family situation to care for someone so ill. Every event has to be planned for far in advance, etc.

In the same token, I've seen people around me have their spouses morph into different people and they had no other choice but to move on due to the lack of mutual respect and indifference towards one another. What scares me is the volume of marriages that are falling apart or ending after 20 or better years nowadays. Both of my grandparents made over 60 years together. You can say it was a different time, but love and respect should not be 'outdated' notions.

I agree with palebride, I don't know what I would do until I'm in that situation god forbid.

However I have heard about marriages breaking up because of situations like this. I used to work in a Neuro ICU where we saw a lot of traumatic brain injuries. Depending on what part of the brain was affected would depend on how the patient much of the patients behavior was affected. One pt sticks out in my head. He was a young married man with small children. I can't remember how he was injured but afterward although he did not have suffer from any type of amnesia he became very aggressive and violent and unfortunately while he physically improved he never returned to his 'old self'. I later heard that the wife wound up divorcing him because of his violent tendencies. I would have to say if I was in a situation like this I would probably do the same for the sake of my safety and the safety of my children. It's unfortunate though.