Is $100 a lot as a wedding gift from two people? Not really going by Long Island standards.
HOWEVER... as Miss Manners taught us... a gift is NEVER a requirement and should never be expected NOR demanded.
I think actually coming to someone and saying 'Hey. You only have us $100 bucks for two of you when we spent $200 on EACH of you PLUS all the decor'... thats just rude and tacky.
You never know someones financial situation at that time and to confront them about it is just rude and mean. If someone did that to me I'd probably start crying out of shame and embarrassment.
I have A LOT of weddings coming up and I know I'm not going to be able to afford my typical gift that I'd give ($300 for both FH and I) and I have plans on declining at least ONE of the weddings. Possibly two. I'll still send a gift like something off the registry but I would not be able to afford a total of almost $3k in just cash in envelopes for the weddings we have coming up with the cost of our own wedding and me being in one of those weddings and one also being his sisters.
If you were a bride and received a 'smaller amount' gift that didn't cover the plate... what would you do?
I certainly wouldn't confront the guest about their gift.
I think I'll take my friends idea and do what she did with the thank yous.
For a gift that they felt was generous (which I think she said was a gift of $250+) she wrote in the card 'thank you for your generous gift and sharing our special day'
For a gift that was less than the $250 she wrote 'thank you for your gift and sharing our special day'
and for people who didn't give a gift but did give a card she did 'thank you for sharing our special day'
and apparently she had people who didn't even give a card so they didn't get a thank you.
mattandjess2013
Posted:
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Another ungrateful bride!
Katie as long as you and Tom come and have fun, I'll be a happy bride lol
Katie as long as you and Tom come and have fun, I'll be a happy bride lol
Good to know Jess!
ladygoodman
Posted:
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Another ungrateful bride!
I can't get over how crazy people are. First of all I don't believe in the covering the plate thing. I have friends who have had $300 a plate weddings. I'm actually going to one of those next month and I can't afford to give $600 right now. I do give what I think is a generous amount and anyone whose wedding I've been to has always been gracious. I was a bridesmaid and only gave my best friend $100 because I was out of work and she told me I shouldn't have given her anything. Some people need to get a grip.
NIKOLE
Posted:
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Another ungrateful bride!
If I received a 'smaller' gift I would be grateful, you said it, you don't know everyones finances. I'd rather someone I invite, come and celebrate our day then stay home becuase they can't give us a big gift! I hate people
larlynn
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Another ungrateful bride!
I just read this on jezebel! The only thing that annoyed me more than her being an ungrateful looney was her atrocious grammar.
I follow the 'cover your plate' rule when possible. However, I don't expect all my guests to cover their plates by any means. I want everyone there to celebrate with us and have a nice night out.
I can't get over how crazy people are. First of all I don't believe in the covering the plate thing. I have friends who have had $300 a plate weddings. I'm actually going to one of those next month and I can't afford to give $600 right now. I do give what I think is a generous amount and anyone whose wedding I've been to has always been gracious. I was a bridesmaid and only gave my best friend $100 because I was out of work and she told me I shouldn't have given her anything. Some people need to get a grip.
I also don't believe in the plate thing but I always hear 'standard rule: cover what you think your plate is'
I also was in my best friends wedding and gave her $100 bucks (and a week after her wedding to boot) because I was unemployed and just had to buy a new car because I got into an accident. {Her sister and SIL made me feel like crap bc for the shower I couldn't give them $300 bucks but I offered to pay for the decor and balloons (cause I could put that on my Credit card). }
Whatever gifts we receive we will be gracious and appreciative :)
simba301
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Another ungrateful bride!
@Katie - I like your friend's way of handling the thank you's--very tactful. I can't imagine 'confronting' someone for giving a smaller gift than was expected. I expect my guests to show up and have a good time. Although I usually try to cover what I think the plate costs, I will appreciate that our friends and family gave up their Saturday night to celebrate with us.
sgf2
Posted:
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Another ungrateful bride!
I've always said that I'd rather everyone I invite be able to come and not give a gift, than have people not come because they feel obliged to bring a gift when they are unable to. I even told friends who said they 'couldn't afford' to attend our engagement party that we didn't invite them to put a financial burden on them, we wanted them to share in our joy and if they came, that would be gift enough for me
It drives me nuts with all this judgement that is passed on people. Don't have a wedding if you're just trying to cash in and you think your friends are cheap!! Ugh!!
cets1290
Posted:
Member since
Another ungrateful bride!
i LOVE the end with the response someone suggested that girl reply with to the bride and groom lol
Anyway- I think that there are MANY reasons people give low gifts (for LI standards). It could be that they aren't making alot of money, they give gifts based on relationship (which the girl said they weren't good friends), or that they just don't know what an appropriate gift is if they are younger and this is one of the first weddings they have been to where they gave their own gift. But whatever the reasoning is, the bride and groom should NEVER contact asking why they gave the gift that they did. You just write a thank you note saying 'thank you for the gift and for sharing in our happiness on our wedding day.'
cets1290
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Member since
Re: Another ungrateful bride!
Posted by sgf2
I've always said that I'd rather everyone I invite be able to come and not give a gift, than have people not come because they feel obliged to bring a gift when they are unable to. I even told friends who said they 'couldn't afford' to attend our engagement party that we didn't invite them to put a financial burden on them, we wanted them to share in our joy and if they came, that would be gift enough for me
It drives me nuts with all this judgement that is passed on people. Don't have a wedding if you're just trying to cash in and you think your friends are cheap!! Ugh!!
I totally agree with you! You aren't supposed to plan your wedding with the intention of breaking even in the finance department. It's about spending time with friends and family as they share in the best day of you and your FH's lives. Whatever money the bride and groom decide to spend on their wedding is their choice, and should not be the burden of their guests to make sure they make all of their money back
Soon2BeMrsMango
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Another ungrateful bride!
there is not one person on my guest list that I am inviting that I do not want to be there. That being said I am not inviting anyone for their gifts. If someone cant afford a larger gift thats fine. I'd rather have the people I love there and them bring what they can. This wedding is not about us making money. The chance of FH and I 'breaking even' is slim to none & thats fine with us.
MsErikaLynn
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Re: Another ungrateful bride!
Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango
there is not one person on my guest list that I am inviting that I do not want to be there. That being said I am not inviting anyone for their gifts. If someone cant afford a larger gift thats fine. I'd rather have the people I love there and them bring what they can. This wedding is not about us making money. The chance of FH and I 'breaking even' is slim to none & thats fine with us.
exactly this!
kadymry
Posted:
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Another ungrateful bride!
wow, that was rough to read. you cant expect to break even. i'm sure its nice when it happens but its definitely not our expectation. just because people chose to spend a ton on a wedding doesnt obligate others to pay more to be there. whatever people give is, i assume, what they are comfortable with. why would you want someone to feel like a) they cant afford to come or b) that you are an ungrateful monster. we are inviting people we love to come have a party and celebrate with us. that's the goal for me anyway.
dariamarie2
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Re: Another ungrateful bride!
Posted by NIKOLE
If I received a 'smaller' gift I would be grateful, you said it, you don't know everyones finances. I'd rather someone I invite, come and celebrate our day then stay home becuase they can't give us a big gift! I hate people
This 10000%! I'm inviting someone cause I want them there not cause I want to spend money to make a little more- people are so frustrating and ignorant sometimes.
MsA2MrsA
Posted:
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Another ungrateful bride!
That's rude. But I also think its rude when people show up to a wedding and can't even bring a $0.99 card. I'd never even show up at someone's house empty handed.
Chaz
Posted:
Member since
Another ungrateful bride!
If you were a bride and received a 'smaller amount' gift that didn't cover the plate... what would you do?
I couldn't imagine EVER doing ANYTHING about it! That's bananas. I'm sure it's disappointing to see a small number, but be grateful those people even gave you a gift. And if it seriously offended you that much, RSVP no to their wedding, or give them the same amount as gift.
I didn't book our venue with the intention of making back what we're spending, I think that's superficial. I don't expect gifts from anyone, I'm just going to be thankful people came and contributed to the memory of a beautiful wedding. (Unless they ruin the day, then I'm out of positivity)
Brunettelizzie29
Posted:
Member since
Another ungrateful bride!
I couldn't do anything about it, if I'm sending you an invite that means I want you there, well of course there are people that we are sorta obligated to invite more for respect. But ultimately it's our day, and I couldn't possibly not invite a person just because they didn't cover their plate (it's 'etiquette' but it's not always followed, wether being financial hardship or someone that is just cheap). My concern is that everyone had a great time and that's what matters to me more than what's in the envelope
Terriechick
Posted:
Member since
Re: Another ungrateful bride!
Posted by Chaz
If you were a bride and received a 'smaller amount' gift that didn't cover the plate... what would you do?
I couldn't imagine EVER doing ANYTHING about it! That's bananas. I'm sure it's disappointing to see a small number, but be grateful those people even gave you a gift. And if it seriously offended you that much, RSVP no to their wedding, or give them the same amount as gift.
I didn't book our venue with the intention of making back what we're spending, I think that's superficial. I don't expect gifts from anyone, I'm just going to be thankful people came and contributed to the memory of a beautiful wedding. (Unless they ruin the day, then I'm out of positivity)
