Any advice.. i'm getting a little concerned about FH

I don't know what to do. Before things get really bad I thought maybe some of you would have some advice before I either call off the wedding or commit homicide.

FH is a local 3 electrician. He got laid off. The layoff is from 6 months to a year. They don't know when they will call him back. He still gets $$. Unemployment and B fund. He is actually bringing home more $$ than if he was working.

It's been 2 weeks and he has done nothing! I told him take the first week off and enjoy yourself. Then, set your alarm to get up, plan things to do throughout your day, go to the gym, ect. Plus the basement apartment needs to be finished.

Did he take my advice? Heck NO!!! I don't care that he's not doing anything- i'm kind of jealous to tell you the truth. Except I would be a tad more motivated.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM.....I think he is already starting to get depressed. This week he slept on the couch. He fell asleep watching TV for two nights so now he just takes a pillow with him around 10pm. Ok- I can deal with that. More room for me and the cat. He is becoming nasty. He cuts me off mid-sentence, walks away when i'm talking to him, is very curt, hangs up the phone on me.

I know he may be frustrated and he's taking it out on me. I already had the- i love you and i'm very supportive talk. I already had the - i don't appreciate the way you speak to me talk. Now we are at the F*** Y** talk bc i'm calling off the whole wedding bc there is no way i am going to be your punching bag for the rest of my life!

*since i have never delt with this before, someone getting laid off for a huge amount of time...does anyone have anysuggestions to what I can do?

I'm not going to cancel the wedding but if I do kill him there will be about 85 available spots at the tables. The first 85 LIW'er who are available 4/14 can party with me!

I definitely think he is a little depressed and frustrated and angry. Do you think he would consider talking to someone? Maybe that would help.

Otherwise, maybe you can help him look for another job. That might help him a bit.

Definatly sounds like the first stages of depression after your out job or get laid off..From experience I knew someone who did the same exact thing...maybe he just needs a little bit more time to get over it. As hard as it may be just try really really hard to be at his side and comfort him. I would just leave it be for now...its a really sensitive subject, it may take a little while but it should work itself out. These things take time. Good luck!!! Take a deep breath! At least he has money coming in!

Hi Nicole..sorry to hear you and FH are going through this

I'm sure he is very frustrated and angry about his situation. Men can make there lives so much about work that when they get laid off it can make them feel 'not like a man' so to speak...Even with the unemployment he is bringing in, he doesnt have the social aspect of work that I'm sure he enjoyed.

Try to be patient with him and hopefully he will get the energy to start looking for a new job real soon..

And BTW: I would take you up on your offer for the 14th but I'll be pretty busy myself

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Posted by BunnyBride

Hi Nicole..sorry to hear you and FH are going through this

I'm sure he is very frustrated and angry about his situation. Men can make there lives so much about work that when they get laid off it can make them feel 'not like a man' so to speak...Even with the unemployment he is bringing in, he doesnt have the social aspect of work that I'm sure he enjoyed.

Try to be patient with him and hopefully he will get the energy to start looking for a new job real soon..

And BTW: I would take you up on your offer for the 14th but I'll be pretty busy myself

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How about that! I got so frustrated at the way he was being that I forgot about the whole 'man thing' Yeah, you are absolutely right. Having a job means that your head of the house, supporting your family and such. He must feel really cr@ppy. (I can think of ways to make him feel more like a man )

I just wish there was something I could do but I guess everyone is right. I will just have to ride it out. I try to talk to him but he's nasty. So then I leave him alone and he want's to know why I leave him alone?

Thanks for the support!

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Posted by JIFFY



I'm not going to cancel the wedding but if I do kill him there will be about 85 available spots at the tables. The first 85 LIW'er who are available 4/14 can party with me!

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make that 84. by then i will take up 2 seats.

it will get better. maybe give him something to do each day?

I agree with the other brides. I think right now it will just take a little time, and he is probably feeling depressed because of the whole 'Man = Supporter' thing, and he is probably bored too.
I think it will get better, until then hang in there!

I guess you could also look at this as part of what your vows will really mean...'...for better or worse...'

My FH is also a Local 3 electrician- he actually just got his A card, and he's worried about furlough (sp?) and being laid off, but I'm really not b/c like you said, they wind up taking the same $$ home. But I can see how your FH would feel a little down not having to get up and go to work everyday, I know my FH takes pride in his work too. We have our kitchen to finish renovating, and he's hardly made a dent since he started (In May!!) and although sometimes I would think him being laid off would be a blessing- I'm sure he'd be doing the same as your FH!

I definitely think he should recruit someone else to help him with the basement- it should get his esteem up and it will keep him occupied. Maybe you can try to approach someone in his family or one of his friends, and say I think it would really cheer him up if you offered to help out whenever you can.

Good luck!!! BTW, what shop is your FH in?

Count me in also
I think you need to hang in there, try to be supportive, maybe when you are done with work maybe you guys can do things together, like running, playing sports because that might help him get his *** in gear. Keep the faith.

maybe he can get a side job...just something to stay busy. Even if it it just working at a store that he likes or something.

It definitely sounds as though he is feeling a little sorry for himself. I would urge him to speak to someone. Does he have a close friend/brother that you could talk to? Good luck.

My father and brother are both union workers and unfortunately, being laid off is part of the experience. it's like feast or famine....either tons of work and overtime or nothing. I think he is just feeling depressed right now.... he may be feeling a bit let down and his pride is probably hurt. just keep being supportive,t hat's what he needs right now.

I would also make sure his name is on the 'list' (each union has one and union jobs use the list to call people for jobs). Perhaps he could also do some side jobs in the meantime? put an ad in the newspaper or soemthing or get the word out through friends that he is looking for some work. people are always doing work on their houses.

GOOD LUCK... tell him to keep the faith! it will all work out!

I agree with the ladies - Besides it is not easy to motivate yourself - Much easier if someone is helping you

But the important thing is NOT cursing at each other and losing respect for one another - that is first and foremost!!

So sorry you have to go through that!

I KNOW personally how tough it can be when your partner is experiencing difficult times. FH and I went to college away from home and were basically with each other all the time except during classes!

When those stressors come along, like bad grades, $$ problems, fear of not graduating etc., it REALLY changes the vibe in the relationship... no matter how much you love that person.

Your FH is frustrated and down... and yes, he is taking it out on you because you're the only one around to take it! Let him let it out... it's only temporary. You said that you've never experienced this before so you really don't have anything to worry about. IMO, guys just suck when it comes to dealing with hardship. But be encouraged.... it will get better.

Take him out for dinner tomorrow or something... get him out of the house! It'll lift his spirits a little and will remind him that you're 100% there for him. He just needs support.

And as far as the basement... you might need some prayer for that one
So

Good luck Jiffy

Nic,
I agree with what everyone else is saying to you about being supportive. You have been that for him. Yes, let him be becaue it does take time to get over something.

However, I gotta say that being nasty to you is not acceptable. Lets be honest, you're not expecting him to be all chatty & really nice to you. However, being downright rude should not be happening. You may give it a little time, then speak to him and let him know that just because he's going through stuff does not give him the right to treat you badly. If anything, you're the one at his side that understands what he's going through. This is JMHO. Others might disagree, but I know I would not tolerate it because there will be other issues in life that as a married couple we'll have to go through and that is no way of addressing things.

I mean I would be open to party with you and all on that day, but still I'd rather that you were happily married instead.

sorry to hear about this!

if he would like a little side work, we are looking to hire an electrician for some home projects. let me know if he'd be interested.