Anyone disagree with FH about kids???

I agree, thats one of those issues you really should resolve before marriage, you dont want it to become somthing that you two can feel resentment towards each other on. I think if he is agreeing to one it will be good because he wont realize until you have the one how amazing it is to have your own child, maybe it will soften him to the idea of one more. Good luck!

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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i agree!!! alot of churches as that b4 they will even marry you. We already have 1, so i dont need to worry what FH would say but id be so hurt if he said he didnt want another child!!

My FH also isn't sure if he wants kids. He knows that I do, and every once in a while he lets slip something about our future kids, so I know that it's not something he's totally set on.

I'm not too worried about it. He's really young - we're only 22. I don't blame him for not wanting kids right now. I'm not going to obsess over it. Someday he'll grow up and want them. Right now, he's just getting used to being grown up, and he has a lot of living he wants to do before he could be ready for kids. So do I.

So, I can relate, and at least in my situation I don't think it's a huge deal. Maybe after you have that first kid and your FH holds him in his arms he'll change his mind about not wanting them. From what I've heard, having your own kid changes your perspective a lot on these things.

We're going through the same situation now and it's really hard b/c I would have like 10 kids if I could I'm sure that it will work out, but I know what you're going through. We just tlaked about that and it came down to we'll have one, and than go from there and see how that goes...

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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I completely agree.

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Posted by October Bliss

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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I completely agree.

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I agree with this as well!!!

You may not realize that he IS compromising when he says he wants one child, he didn't want ANY, so one IS making a compromise and you need to compromise as well. Yes, you wanted two children, but he didn't want any, he is working with you and said he would have one.

You NEED to figure this out.

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Posted by October Bliss

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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I completely agree.

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I am going to agree as well.

Ideally, if time and money permitted, I am positive we would have more children than we probably will. But I will say this, and many women may agree. I dont know if I could have married someone who did not want children. If having children is a 'compromise,' Id be concerned about that big red flag. Sorry if that sounds harsh but every single person I know with children has said it completely changes your life. Your child's needs will always come before that of your spouse and once that happens, there is no turning back. I hope that the two of you are able to resolve this issue beforehand.

I believe marriage is all about compromise, but there are some issues compromising doesn't work and i believe wanting or not wanting children is one of them. This is something that must be decided up front. You wouldn't want your FH not to be happy about having a child or feeing forced into having a child because that can lead to resentment. A child will put a whole new spin on a marriage regardless if it is one, two or ten.
You need to have a very real and serious discussion with him about this. Why he doesn't want them, etc.
Good Luck

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Posted by reenielady

I believe marriage is all about compromise, but there are some issues compromising doesn't work and i believe wanting or not wanting children is one of them. This is something that must be decided up front. You wouldn't want your FH not to be happy about having a child or feeing forced into having a child because that can lead to resentment. A child will put a whole new spin on a marriage regardless if it is one, two or ten.
You need to have a very real and serious discussion with him about this. Why he doesn't want them, etc.
Good Luck

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i second that. equally, you don't want to resent him for not having any. i hope you guys can talk about this and come to a solution... but i hope you can do it before you get married, as opposed to when the time comes. it seems too serious an issue to wait and 'hope' it works out. best of luck. and hugs and prayers like you asked for.

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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I agree 10000000%

Of course all couples will disagree about many subject matters but I think they should be on the same path when it comes to starting a family.

I think it really depends on why he doesn't want to have children. Is it the financial burden? Doesn't want to be tied down?

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Posted by Goldi1021

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Posted by October Bliss

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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I completely agree.

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I am going to agree as well.

Ideally, if time and money permitted, I am positive we would have more children than we probably will. But I will say this, and many women may agree. I dont know if I could have married someone who did not want children. If having children is a 'compromise,' Id be concerned about that big red flag. Sorry if that sounds harsh but every single person I know with children has said it completely changes your life. Your child's needs will always come before that of your spouse and once that happens, there is no turning back. I hope that the two of you are able to resolve this issue beforehand.

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Eloquently said!
Ditto on everything I just quoted

Fh and I agree wholeheartedly about wanting a family...it's the number of kids we're not 100% on the same page about. He'd like 4, I say we'll have 1 or 2 and then see how we are doing handling them and how things are financially.

I agree with the other ladies though...this is definitely something you and your FH should talk about more in depth about to ensure you have the same plan before you get married. Unfortunately, I know a couple of couples who had this similar issue and it eventually broke them up. I wish you all the very best!

Thankfully we have discussed it and we agree on what we want, however i have watched a friend go through major drama because it wasn't really discussed beforehand, try to work it out with him, as one person said he is compromising on one when he really wanted none, so give him a little slack for compromising on his part, unfortunately i think you must also compromise

No, DH and I agree that we will have at least one child together. You did not have to discuss this in premarital counseling through your church The fact that you posted this hear leads me to believe this is not the first time this came up

I agree with everyone else, you need to resolve this with your FH before you get married. Kids take over your life. And just because someone is good with other people's kids does not mean they should have their own. I always love other people's kids - they can be given back at the end of the day

I have 3 friends who are either pregnant or just had babies. One baby, born in March, is called 'the little dictator'. One friend is pregnant with twins right now - due in November. I also have 7 nieces and nephews so I am all too familiar with the time, effort and expense of raising kids. In NYC there is the added expense of private schools or in Long Island the taxes.

Many couples break up over the issue of having kids. And some break up after having kids since one did not want kids but went ahead with it to please the other partner. And trust me, it is not just men who walk away after realizing they did not want kids. There are single dads out there too.

I hope this never happens to anyone else but I do have a friend who in 1999 stopped taking her BC since she wanted a baby. Her boyfriend (and ex-fiance) of 11 years did not want kids and she knew it - had known it for years. She got pregnant and he dumped her. She did not have the baby and probably never will have kids. She will be 46 this year.

Compromising from I do not want kids to maybe one child since you want 2 is a huge step......but it still does not mean he wants kids. I really hope you and your FH can resolve this before you get married.

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Posted by October Bliss

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Posted by jes81276

I think that is a subject that is so important and really needs to be worked out before you get married. JMO

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I completely agree.

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I also totally agree. This is not somthing that you should wait until after the wedding to figure out. This is not a little thing that will settle itself on it's own. You and FH need to be on the same page about such huge issues as this. Good luck.