This has been my major dilemma since day one. My FH refuses to have more than 5 people per side, and this screws everything up for me! He has 2 sisters who are completely obnoxious and whom I never speak to, but yet they have been b*tching that I have not asked them to be in the BP. They are old enough to be my mother, and have already told me that I need to take into consideration the body shapes of all my BM's. (they are quite heavy) Last week at FH's grandparents anniversary party (I was home studying for the Bar) they were snickering and telling everyone how they were 'obviously not invited to the wedding bc they are not in the BP'. More was said but FH will not tell me.....They KNOW I have done nothing but study for the Bar this summer, and did not pick a BP. They just like to make me look like the bad guy. I feel obligated to pick them bc they are his sisters, but if I do, then I cannot have my own sister in laws whom I am close with, because I have already asked two other girls. I cannot pick one over the other. I am considering just not having a BP, it's too much of a pain in the a$$!!! Anyone have any advice for me!!???! Thanks!!!!
jannshari
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
Maybe you can simply have a MOH for you and BM for your FH. Regardless, you need to have your FH speak to his sisters about it. After all, they are his sisters, not yours.
Oh, and congrats on the Bar. I'm assuming you took NY - been there, done that, not envying you one bit!
Maribelle7777
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
His sisters are being silly. They know that if you do not choose them as BM's they will still be invited to the wedding. And everyone that they told that to I am sure was thinking 'what petty women'. Did your FH at least tell them that they were being petty? Does he think they are being petty? He does not have to have more than 5 groomsmen, you can have 7 and two of them will have to double up.
but if you don't want them in your BP, then have FH tell them that you have already chosen, but perhaps they can do readings or something?
I hate bossy family members. I'm so happy that FH is an only child sometimes!
Jordan
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
I am having a BP...but the only advice I can give you, is to do what YOU WANT to DO. Sounds selfish and easy to say...but you need to be at peace with yourself. FH has 4 sisters and a SIL and having them in the BP would hve brought my side up to 9 people - which is so NOT what I wanted. FH was fine with my decision...none of his sisters or SIL has ever said anything - so we're all happy.
Again, bottom line...do what you WANT to do - not what you 'think' is 'right'. And be sure to have FH on 'your side' - as long as he supports you and your decisions, all is good. Maybe HE could talk to them...
julybride444
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
That's silly, and they will get over it but FH NEEDS to talk to them, they are his sisters and they are acting like children. Have a bridal party, who YOU want. I didn't have 2 of my nieces, my older sister, or my husbands sister in my bp. He didn't have my brother or brother-in-law or several of his cousins. We only had 3 people on each side.
P.S. DON'T talk about body shapes as a reason though....that's offensive. I'd just say that you only have 5 spaces and that means that you have to pick the 5 closest people to YOU.
Good luck.
jessnjoey
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
I just got married three weeks ago and we had no BP no flowergirls or ring bearers either. Just my dad and I walked down the aisle! We had a similar dilemma with family and we decided the day was about us not everyone else. Let me tell you it was wonderful!!!! I was able to focus on me..and my good friends understood and just took it upon themselves to do all the BP things.. I didn't have to buys gifts or wonder if dresses would be right. My house was so quiet and peaceful that morning..just me my mom and my sis..No BM's to hang over my shoulder. I was so relaxed and I'm not sure I would have been if all my girls were there. Remember do what you want and don't let any family member bully you into something you want..this is all about you and FH!
ThreeTwenty
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
Their figures are definitely not a factor in my decision, I was just mentioning it bc they assumed so quickly they were BM's and were already telling me that they had an opinion about the BM dresses. They looked up my profile on the knot and looked at the BM dresses I liked and commented that I wasn't considering the fact that my BM's might not be comfortable in a strapless dress, etc.
My FH needs to grow a set and talk to them! I just yelled at him for not saying anything and he said that they were just being sarcastic.....SO???? Ugh, he makes me angry sometimes!
Now I am considering a King's wedding (all groomsmen and 1 MOH). Has anyone done this?
if its important to him to have them in the BP...he has to budge on the 5 BM limit...
if not...he has to tell them that they are having a small BP
this is his family...he should deal with it...you should not have to start your entry into the family fighting with anyone
eternityawaits
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
I'm not - just my MOH and his BM
Mindy0247
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
I am getting married this Sunday and am having a 'kid bridal party'. It consists of two junior bridesmades (nieces 11 & 6), two junior ushers (nephews 12 & 7), a flowergirl (niece 5) & a ringbearer (nephew 5). My sister (older) is the MOH and FH best friend is best man. It was the easiest thing to do, just involve the children and nobody else. His siter and my brother are not in the wedding, but their children are. No one got offended and they are all going to be so cute.
PS...I am a kindergarten teacher, so this is probably what everyone would expect from me.
patrice1128
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
Thats what we were going to do - have just a kid's bridal party. Our original thought was to have the BM, MOH, 3 flower girls and 1 ring bearer. Then we really wanted this 1 friend to be involved in the wedding somehow (male), and we tried to figure out a way to do this without insulting people. So now we are having a kings wedding. (5 ushers) - no girls so no one is going to be hurt. For the people who are not in it, we chose to have them do a reading at the ceremony.
Sandy&Ben
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
I am just having a MOH and my FH is just having a BM. makes things simpler and no one can honestly feel slighted. Best of luck!
SeptemberBride03
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
If you decide to have a bp I would suggest talking with your FH and telling him you are going to have to have more than 5. This is b/c of his sisters, which he obviously knows is a sore point with you, so he should budge on his #. There is no reason why you have to have an even # of bm and gm. If you have one, DEFINITELY have the people you really want in addition to his sisters. You will need them even more when his sisters cause problems in the planning - which is sounds like they will. Its a tough decision, but considering the family dynamics, I think having a bp with them in it and everyone you want is the only way they'll stop causing drama. Good Luck!
wenndypoo
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Re: Anyone NOT having a BP???
I think it's perfectly fine for you not to have a BP. In your case, it may make your life alot easier! But I agree, your FH needs to speak up to his sisters, and not let them harass you like that. It's not fair that he gossips to you about the things they say, and doesn't defend you!
