anyone's DH not on board?

I'm sorry your DH feels that way. In his defense it's not your year mark yet right? Maybe give him that time until then. Take this time to do things as a couple that you won't be able to do once you're preggo/have a baby.

Is your DH well settled in his job? is he set financially? maybe these are things he's worried about.
MY DH and I had to make a conscious effort to hold off a bit on TTC after our wedding because I knew I was losing my job, we had to figure out health benefits,etc.

Maybe all the responsibility is a bit overwhelming for him

I think the responsibility of beig a parent definitely plays a role. I know he'd like for us to have more money before having children, but the fact of the matter is, we're doing ok financially. We don't make a ton of money, but we own our house free and clear- we just have tax payments.
I can see the whole thing from both sides of the fence though. My parents were older parents and were financially sound before having kids. His parents started their family fairly young and were not at all prepared financially to have twins- which they didn't know about until the delivery room. But the fact of the matter is, either way if you're ready to start a family then you do whatever you have to to make it work.
What it comes down to is that I'm ready and willing to make sacrifices and DH isn't.

I would sit down and have a nice conversation with him and let him know how much you really want this. He has to know how strongly you want this and you don't want to wait.
Good luck.

I think you should sit him down one last time and remind him that you both agreed on STARTING TTC at the one year mark (not deliberating it). Tell him this is something that is very important to you and your marriage and that if he is not ready by the 1 yr mark, he better be ready with some extremely good reasons for making you very unhappy in your marriage.

Then let it rest. Don't bring it up again for the next 5 months. Try to bring him around kids though and whenever you hear about someone who is pg, make sure you mention it to him non-chalantly.

Isn't his twin brother getting married soon too? Maybe he's sort of 'waiting' for him to 'catch up', if you will?

Or, you could always try reverse psychology. When me and DH were trying to agree on whether or not we even wanted to have children AT ALL one day (this was prior to the wedding, of course) we would go back and forth. Whenever I said no, no children ever... he would change HIS mind and say he wanted children. Whenever he said HE didn't want kids anymore, then I would change my mind and want them.

It's a dangerous game to play yes...but it actually worked in our case because while (for instance) DH was saying no kids, I was convincing myself of all the reasons TO have kids. And it worked the same way for him. Eventually, of course we ended up agreeing that yes, we would probably want kids and revisit it at the 2 yr mark but no kids was not off the table yet. And then I got pg on the HM and all that planning and negotiation went out the window anyway.

And I learned that sometimes some decisions are not under your control.

If your agreement was to wait until you were married for one year, then by all means...let the man live this one year in peace without hounding him about TTC. Personally, I don't believe in arm-wrestling someone into a life changing role. Did you have to fight this hard to get him to the alter after 9 years together? If so, than that is VERY telling of your DH's personality.

I also don't believe is reverse phsychology. This is your SPOUSE you are talking about...not some one night stand. When the time is right, you should be able to openly discuss the issue as adults and come to a mature agreement or a compromise.

I wish you luck. It sounds like there is already a power struggle in your marriage and that can be a dangerous environment to bring children into. You do not ever want your spouse to resent you for pushing him into fatherhood, b/c you could end up living like you're a single parent. I've seen it happen to other women who were very eager to just have that baby and the hubby completely disengaged from caring for the child or having any involvement in the child's needs, once it was born.

---

Posted by Claud2001

If your agreement was to wait until you were married for one year, then by all means...let the man live this one year in peace without hounding him about TTC. Personally, I don't believe in arm-wrestling someone into a life changing role. Did you have to fight this hard to get him to the alter after 9 years together? If so, than that is VERY telling of your DH's personality.

I also don't believe is reverse phsychology. This is your SPOUSE you are talking about...not some one night stand. When the time is right, you should be able to openly discuss the issue as adults and come to a mature agreement or a compromise.

I wish you luck. It sounds like there is already a power struggle in your marriage and that can be a dangerous environment to bring children into. You do not ever want your spouse to resent you for pushing him into fatherhood, b/c you could end up living like you're a single parent. I've seen it happen to other women who were very eager to just have that baby and the hubby completely disengaged from caring for the child or having any involvement in the child's needs, once it was born.

---

Claudine, you may feel you have some points, but this was very harsh. Nicole did NOT need this, but if you REALLY felt the need to get it out, you could've FMed her.

Nicole,
Things will fall into place. Hang in there!

---

Posted by Shorty McBride


Claudine, you may feel you have some points, but this was very harsh. Nicole did NOT need this, but if you REALLY felt the need to get it out, you could've FMed her.

Nicole,
Things will fall into place. Hang in there!

---

Sorry you feel that way. I wasn't trying to be harsh. I know someone who got divorced b/c of this issue...one spouse led the other to believe children would be in their future and then after they were married, that person totally changed their mind. It is a very difficult situation for any married person to find themselves in...and I didn't mean to come across harsh. I just think sometimes there is too much focus on just making a baby and not all the stress and responsibility that comes after the child is born.

Regardless of what Nicole's plans are, I do believe her husband needs to be very upfront with her about his intentions toward family...she absolutely deserves that!

---

Posted by Claud2001

---

Posted by Shorty McBride


Claudine, you may feel you have some points, but this was very harsh. Nicole did NOT need this, but if you REALLY felt the need to get it out, you could've FMed her.

Nicole,
Things will fall into place. Hang in there!

---

Sorry you feel that way. I wasn't trying to be harsh. I know someone who got divorced b/c of this issue...one spouse led the other to believe children would be in their future and then after they were married, that person totally changed their mind. It is a very difficult situation for any married person to find themselves in...and I didn't mean to come across harsh. I just think sometimes there is too much focus on just making a baby and not all the stress and responsibility that comes after the child is born.

Regardless of what Nicole's plans are, I do believe her husband needs to be very upfront with her about his intentions toward family...she absolutely deserves that!

---

ok, sorry for the misunderstanding! dang internet. please accept my apology!