Are you REALLY planning on being a SAHM?

Is anyone out there going to be a stay at home mommy...not the...i wish i coud be ones but the ones who really are going to be? I mean, of course thats if nothing else comes up that you need to go back to work.

Anthony and I have discussed this over and over and we are trying to wait till he makes the next pay rate from local 3 until we start ttc because we both want me to stay home from work until the children at least go to school.

So does anyone else plan on staying home? Or did anyone plan this and not have it work out?

Although I have to admit, sometimes it scares me that I will miss working...I love my job so much but I am sure that I Will love my child more.

There are a number of SAHMs on this site.
I will be a part-time worker after the baby is born, atleast for the first few months. It will not be easy financially for me to do this, but I really, really know that it is the best comprimise for us.

OK...Im a FT SAHM. I got pregnant had a great paying job. I always told myself that after the baby was born that I would go back to work P/T in the beginning... then Emma was born. I had trouble leaving her for any length of time in the beginning. She is a year now and I can't be away from her for more than 4 hours without completly missing her and wanting to be with her. I couldn't imagine leaving her when she was learning how to do stuff... I dont know how I would have felt if I missed the first time she rolled over, sat up, crawled or took her first step. It's my opinion that staying at home is best for both of us.

Back to the work part. I miss working. I miss the outside communication with ADULTS. I miss having a paycheck. I miss not having to ask FH for $. I like paying my bills with my money I worked for. BUT I think if I went back to work I would miss my baby more than any of the things I mentioned. Yes, you may have to give up things that you used to get without thought but that was worth it to me.

TG for me FH makes enough money to support the 3 of us without me working. I do take care of his books (he is self employed contractor) and all the ordering and other aspects of his business along with the 24/7 job of taking care of our daughter. So now that I think about it I do have a job, one of the hardest jobs in the world and seeing her grow into a wonderful loving child is my pay.

Sorry if I seem scatter brained, its hot. What I should say is if you can stay home and watch your baby grow do it!!! They are only this age once and once its gone you can't get it back!

I am 'planning' on being a SAHM. In all senses of the word.... We made sure that we both have our 401K's up and running while we work, and we paid off any and all debt we had. The mortgage was just refinanced and we made sure we could do it with just my husband's salary. I am essentially working now to save the money I make. We are also both in our early 30's and decided to wait so that we could get some things done in terms of our house and savings. We are TTC now, but don't expect things to happen right away.

I look at it this way - if my parents could raise 6 children, send them all to private grammar schools, high schools and college on my father's salary alone, we can certainly do it! I never grew up feeling I did without and I intend to make it work like my parents did.

I feel so blessed that I have been able to be a sahm for the last 6 years and will continue to be for this baby as well..

Trish,
Every time I doubt that we can do it I think of situations of people I know that were similiar to yours growing up. And you never went hungry did you! LOL in fact you turned out great!
I think I get really nervous about planning to be a SAHM, because most of my life my parents worked two jobs a piece, how could we make it on one when they had four jobs????

Don't foret though too, that it was MUCH cheaper to live on LI years ago. Things have become so much more expensive, just over the last 5 years even! I am a 'partial' sahm. I work the days my son goes to preschool, and when he starts kindergarten in Sept., I will only work during the hours that he is at school.
I feel kind of like that gives me the best of both worlds...some 'adult' time and alittle extra $$, and always being around when my son is home.

I'd like to work part time to keep my sanity, but let's see when the time comes.

John said I can do what I choose to. I feel blessed to have the option to be a SAHM though.

Kate - My point exactly. No I never went hungry and we had normal childhood like everyone else. Yes there were times my dad worked 2 jobs and we didn't go on family vacations, but I can't begin to tell you how proud they are now that their sacrifices paid off (and they can enjoy the accomplishments of their children and grandchildren). I now have 5 very close brothers and sisters, 2 wonderful nieces and a nephew and the satisifaction of now being able to give back to my parents in thanks for all thier sacrifices (we are sending them to Europe for their 35th wedding anniversary next year).

Anyone can make it work. And I understand the economy of living on Long Island isn't what it used to be. But I think if people get too used to having a 'do it all lifestyle', then of course cutting back will be hard. My philosophy has always been you can never miss what you never had.

There is a difference though - my mom had all 6 of her kids befroe she was 34. I'll be lucky if I have my first one by then!!
-Trish
(edited to say my mom had her 6 kids before she was 34 not 24!)

I don't think it is fair to state that everyone can make it work as a SAHM.
What if you are the main bread winner in your home? Could you continue to work, have your DH stay home and still 'make it work'?
With the price of homes and our taxes (and I include the insane tax on clothes) it is not always possible to afford to live on LI and be a SAHM. It isn't that my husband and I don't want me to be a SAHM. We didn't over spend on our home, but in this market we are ALL really overspending when you think about it. I am not working for a European vacation each year and Prada shoes.

It it something you REALLY have to think through!!! I know some ladies who's companies let them work from home. what we did was add up all the money I made/spent just going to & from work. then how much a babysitter would cost. (They don't come cheap) We also factored in that we'd both be gone for 12 hours a day. There was NO way I could do that. And luckily my husband makes enough money. I'll go back to work whenever my son (& if we have more) go to school.

Dh wants me to be a SAHM. And, with his new job, we might even be able to afford that. Part of me wants that too, but my p/t job is so great, the pay is practically f/t, that I would hate to give it up! I can work 20 hours a week and still have a really nice paycheck.
It will be a hard decision!

Michele, I didn't mean to offend anyone by saying that everyone can make it work as a SAHM. It's my opinion based on how I was raised and who I know today. And yes, my best friend is the sole bread winner in her family (her husband has a disability and is legally blind and can not work) and she has 2 beautiful girls, works full time in the city, commutes on the LIRR, and her husband is a SAHD. They make it work, and they are doing beautifully. Sorry to offend you. I realize my statements may have been unrealistic for everyone, but for me, it was just how I see things.

Trish- I saw your post before you edited it and I was thinking - wow 6 kids before she was 24?? How? When? LOL and then I was thinking that you seemed older than under 24. I'm glad you edited

I am currently a SAHM & Nursing student. When I went on maternity leave in September I had all intentions on going back to work despite wishing I could stay home with him because there was 'no way we could do it'. But after Luke came, I was dreading January 14th, the day I was due back at work. I remember the night DH & I decided about me not going back. We knew we would have to make changes to our lifestyle and plans if I was going to stay home. My job was amazing, they paid me through the end of March. But in April the rude awakening came - one paycheck. It's very hard, not at first but now it's really sinking in how little extra spending we (I) can do. I am learning that many of those extras are unnecessary but still struggling (internally) with the changes.

It's totally a personal decision. No one is a bad parent for going back to work. I have friends who are SAHMs, friends who have a child in one-on-one baby care and also friends with their child in a daycare center and all the kids are fine. You have to do what is best for you & your family. I should add that I really didn't like my job at all, except for the salary and the friends there, so I made a decision to go to school for something I really want to do.

Good luck in your decision. You'll come to the right choice when the time comes.

We are in Pre Planning stages before TTC (probably after summer)

but we have decided for at least the first year and most likely more I will be a stay at home mom,
we will see how it works for then and see how the money situation and our happiness and work fromn there.

good babysitters and daycares can be hard to find and expensive,
so we decided one salary will just have to work for awhile and just watch our spending,
I think we will be fine!
so many people do it.

nycchic_24
My husband michael is in Local 3 too!!!

We are in the beginning stages of figuring this out as well. Being a SAHM is really not an option for me as things stand right now. We can't live on just DH's salary. However, we are considering a few different ways we could make it work. We'll bank as much of my salary as possible so I can stay home at least for the first year. After that if I have to work hopefully I could do so from home. There are a few moms at the job I have now who have such an arrangement.

I see what Patricia means; you do what you have to do to make it work. DH is the spender and I'm the saver so a challenge for me will be to make him understand that he won't be able to spend as freely and spontaneously as he does now. I got him under control when we saved for a house and now we have one so I'll just have to work on him again when our time comes.

I would LOVE to, but it depends on our budget situation. It is NOT easy living on 1 income, especially when hubby's work is seasonal