Do any of you have a spouse that makes significantly more or less than you and if so, does that cause any issues? I only ask because DH and I got into it over money this weekend and I just wondered if I am the only one. DH makes more than I do. Not TONS more but enough where I find I scramble to pay my bills and he is usually able to save some money each month. DH does not mind paying more than half of the bills at all. In fact, I am the one causing the arguments because I have a real hang-up about this. I have lived on my own since I was 19 and I always paid all of my bills and considered myself an independent person. Now that we are buying a co-op, our bills will rise substantially and I guess I am not used to relying on someone for help. I know we are a married couple and I should not look at it as 'help' but it is such a difficult adjustment for me. I think this is the only aspect of marriage I cannot adjust to! DH tells me I have no reason to feel this way but I can't help it! Has anyone experienced anything like this???
MrsCastanedain09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
I have...but on the other end. I make more that DH. With bonus, about twice as much.
He makes a soild salary but I'm in a different industry where you make more. That's really all it is. It kills him and he gets really upset about it sometimes, it's been a process for him to begin to get comfortable with the fact that this is our money and it all goes into one pool. We're one- ya know?
While I'm GREAT at making money, I've never been a very good saver. DH- THANK GOD, is. He brings that to the table and I'm grateful that when we retire someday, it will because of him and his ability to save. What is your strength with regards to finances? It isn't just about bringing it home but about keeping it home. Do you cook (that helps to save), are you a good investor? Saavy shopper? Remember that you bring that to the table.
las1
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
Yes but mine is the opposite. FI has not been working and I have been supporting us. FI gets mad sometimes that he is unable to help with money for the wedding and bills.
It will work itself out. I understand and unfortunately money always causes problems. I know that you are financially independent, but he is there to help you. Hope things work out
queensbride2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
Crashing here, but I just wanted to put in my two cents
I saw an episode of the Today show last week where Susie Orman was speaking of this exact situation. She said its best where both spouses contribute the same proportion of their income to an account to pay for the household bills (so you both put in 30% even though you may only put in $500 and DH puts in $1000). This way, you're both contributing equally although one person may contribute more $-wise.
HTH
ETA: spelling
JennyAPH
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
I make more money than DH but it never caused any issus.. when we moved in together we got a joint account considered our money shared. .We use that to pay the mortgage, bills and for anything else we want or need. Now that we are married I really considered it our money even more. This has really worked for us..we havent had any money arguments
MikesBride2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
FH makes waaaaaaay more money than I do. He originally wanted to wait until he could fully support us on his own for us to move in together, but I think we'd still be living apart after the wedding if we waited for that. I am like you, I want to feel like I am giving my fair share and doing my part.
So basically what we did is we figured out how much we made a month total (his income plus mine). Then we figured out what percentage of that total each of us contributed...I think it came out that he gave 75% and I gave 25%. We made a monthly budget and then figured out what 75% of it was and what 25% of it was and we each give that amount towards bills each month.
So each week I get to keep X amount of money and the rest goes in the joint account for bills. This way I know he is paying most of the bills, but I know I am contributing my fair share according to what I make.
FutureMrsG
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
DH makes a lot more money than I do...I am a grad student and my stipend is pretty small. We have managed to work out the expenses without any arguing. I pay the household bills and he pays the rent. We each pay our own cell phone bills and we pay our own charges on credit cards. Try to think of you and your DH as a team...
MrsCM
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
This has never been an issue for us. DH does not care if I work or if I don't. When we became engaged, I was working a full time job, going to school full time and developing my business on the side. Shortly after, I left my full time job because I was tired of not being paid for overtime among other things. I began interviewing for other positions and then we decided that I would run both of our businesses (soon to become 3) and take care of the household domestics so that when he actually is home (rarely) we can spend quality time together. With my own business I make a decent amount of money, certainly more than he does hourly but I don't work full time and he works a lot. This has not led to arguments but occasionally if I complain that I asked him to do something I get the 'I work a full time job and I do this and that and you don't so cut me some slack...' speech which annoys me because he LOVES it that I'm home all day and typically he doesn't have to do anything at home unless he wants to. Once you are married and everything is combined and the 'what's mine is yours' mindset exists, I don't see why anyone should feel guilty about not making the same amount. In my opinion, it just isn't important.
PoppedInASnap
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
with DH new job hes on probation for 6 monthswhich means Im the breadwinner
And we just bought a new car and paid it in full
and now he's looking at houses after putting in a couple of thousand into making his house a two family
so yeah totally get u, we just talk it through
whtevjenny
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
after working full time for 4 years, I got my MS in Education and have been working part time. So FH makes way more than I do. It's hard because I'm used to contributing more to the household. After the wedding, I might look for something out of the education field so I can make more money. FH swears up and down it doesn't bother him, but I miss making money.
Tomlaur0808
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
We never used to until I got laid off. It's been very hard to collect unemployement and be bringing in only 1/3 of what my weekly paycheck used to be (Im thankful for getting some money at least) but it does cause the occasional flare-up when I want to buy a new pair of shoes(Ive had to curb this addiction quite a bit...lol) But we have worked as a team for the most part so hoping we get through this difficult time money-wise until I can get a job again.
GT143EA
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
We actually just got into an argument last night about this. Im a certified teacher who cant find a full time job so Im subbing right now. Its not everyday and I have no medical insurance. Im actually considering giving up my teaching dream and going back to school for something in the medical field.
chicky724
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
DH makes double what I do... but he pays for all of the bills and I just pay for cable. (That worked out pretty sweet in my favor. )
But it's better this way bc I'm good at saving... so we pretty much save about 75% of my salary.
jbabidoll23
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
Yes we do get into arguments. Actually 95% of our fights are about finances. My husband makes alot more than I do and I it is very stressful for both of us because all of the financial burden is on him. We are in the middle of buying a house so we both are extremely stressed. As long as you both keep and open line of communication about he money then you shoudl be fine. But just know you are not alone.
ttdiff11
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
we just put all of our money together so it makes it easier.
Amberrenee6705
Posted:
Member since
Re: Arguments over money?
I know exactly how you are feeling. DH makes more than me, he's a prison guard..and right now Im waitressing while finishing up my RN degree. I am always scrambling to pay my bills and he's not. The subject does come up, and when it does, it makes me feel inferior. I am due to graduate in december so soon I will be making more than him...but Id never make him feel inferior the way he does me. But I do think that money is always a touchy subject in any relationship, even if you have lots of it
