So, we've been looking at inns for our wedding, and have really fallen in love with one particular place. We are going back there next weekend to talk finances with the inn owner, but I have a problem: I have NO IDEA what our budget is because my parents haven't offered us any money. I think they think the wedding is 19 months away and we couldn't need any yet. And I'm too chicken to just go to my dad and be like, 'are you planning on helping us out financially?' Instead, every now and then I'll give them a hint: 'Too bad I can't go to London to visit Rebecca, because I'm saving every cent for my wedding...' or, 'It ***** that my car broke down; I need every penny I can get for this wedding...' So far, hasn't worked yet.
My mother doesn't have any money to give us, but I really think my dad does. He and my mom divorced about 5 years ago, and money was the main issue - it's a really sticky subject in our family. I only see my father once a month or so, and feel so sleazy making a date to go see him for dinner or to hang out at his apartment, and then hit him up for cash while I'm there.
Do any of you have advice? How did you broach the topic with your parents?
Soon2BMrsD
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
honestly i have no idea. my FILs offered us the difference of the cheapest month to the most expensive cuz we wanted a june wedding at the dec. prices. so he said dont worry about the difference well take care of it its about 3500 $$ but how do u ask him for it. when now his dad just had major surgery and has been on disability for 20 years and has a fixed income and his mom doesnt work at all... im stuck between a rock and a hard place cuz we only booked for june cuz they offered us this money
MikeandJess
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
I'm actually in the same situation as you. FH and I are going through this assuming that we are solely paying for the wedding. We've decided that if one day our parents offer us money it will be found money but we're not counting on it. However, if it does come to the point where we need to ask them for some money I plan on asking them to pay for a specific part of the wedding and not money in general. I think it sounds much nicer to say that we're spread as thin as we can would u mind paying for the photographer instead of asking them straight out for money.
tdebe
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
I had to ask my dad for money for the wedding and it was definitely not easy. I started by telling him that FH and I had found a place for our wedding, and showed him the brochure and the menus that we had received from the hall. I tried to get him interested in the place and impressed with what we were being offered. Then I started little by little mentioning how much everything was going to cost and how it was so much more than I had ever anticipated. I wanted to make sure that he knew that I wasn't going into this expecting a million dollar wedding, that I was trying to be reasonable, but everything was just beyond what I imagined. I told him our savings plan, how much we could comfortably afford to put away but that we needed some help in order to make it happen. Of course, he told me to just get married at city hall if everything costs too much, but I gave him all the reasons why I felt I deserved a decent wedding and that it would be the only time I would ever ask him to do this for me. I also promised not to come to him later asking for more money. It would be my job to stick to a budget and if I couldn't do that, it would be my problem. After a three hour conversation and several moments where I thought he was gonna tell me no, he eventually agreed to match what FIL's were giving towards the wedding. Asking for money is definitely one of the hardest things to do, but if you go in there with a plan, it defintiely helps a lot.
nifheim
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
Has he ever told you that he would pay for the wedding? Ever since I could remember my parents told me its your day, you do what you want and you and your husband to be pay for it. We give a certain amount to you as we did for your brother (amount not given) on the day of the wedding.
So if its a good check then its considered as stated found money.
Nicoleta1222
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
I just hope that you have better luck than me.....my father who makes a TON of money....honeslty he does refuses to help me at all...he feels I am not making a good decision by doing this, we sat down and had a 3 hour conversation/fight with ended up as he and his wife will be the only ones attending my wedding no one else from that side....I know how you feel though with the budgeting. The best thing to do is mention that you are planning the wedding and you were wondering if he was going to help you at all financially, if you don;t ask you will never know and if he says he is not helping you, you are no worse off than you are now....don;t know if that helps at all but GOOD LUCK!
DavaDay
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
I just talked to my sister, because she borrows $$ from my dad all the time (she's in law school and is making none of her own). She told me that the few times she's asked my mom to ask him about money for her, that he's been insulted - he told her that he's her father, and that if she needs help, she should just ask. So she advised me to do the same. I swear, if I could get the same money from him that she gets in a year for car payments, insurance bills, help with rent, etc., I would have a kick-a$$ wedding. So I'll be direct with him, maybe on Monday (his day off)?
Thanks for the advice so far, I'm really listening to all your suggestions and combining the ones that I think would work in my situation. Any other ideas as to how to bring up the subject gracefully would be appreciated!
Dee606
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
Good Luck!
AMGBride2008
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
Posted by DavaDay
I just talked to my sister, because she borrows $$ from my dad all the time (she's in law school and is making none of her own). She told me that the few times she's asked my mom to ask him about money for her, that he's been insulted - he told her that he's her father, and that if she needs help, she should just ask. So she advised me to do the same. I swear, if I could get the same money from him that she gets in a year for car payments, insurance bills, help with rent, etc., I would have a kick-a$$ wedding. So I'll be direct with him, maybe on Monday (his day off)?
Thanks for the advice so far, I'm really listening to all your suggestions and combining the ones that I think would work in my situation. Any other ideas as to how to bring up the subject gracefully would be appreciated!
Dava, my only advise in doing so is to not say 'Well, you give 'sister' all this money so I think it's only fair to give me money too'. But definitely don't be afraid to ask... FH had the same problem with his parents and I told him to just ask, they're his parents and the worse they can say is no and that would be that. Good luck!!!!!!!
JeanineP2B
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
I'm sorry that I don't have any suggestions, but good luck!
Jayla127
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
My fiance and I are in the same situation. Fiances parents and grandmother are sitting on $$$$$. They have questioned us over and over about why is the wedding so far off (2009). We have explained to them that financially we can't do it till 09. But, you would think they would say here is so money. Nope!!!. I would just call and tell him you would like to talk to him about his contributing to your wedding. You will rack your brain if you sit and try to figure out the right time to ask him.
Good Luck!! Let us know what happens.
SAMORY
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
Sweetie, to be very honest with you, you and your fh have to sit down do your budget and plan as if no one is contributing to the wedding. Then if anyone what to give you will have extra money to do anything that come up unexpected.
Meaghan729
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
you have to ask - you shouldnt assume that they are paying if they havent offered it to you yet.
unfortunately for me, i know my mom cant afford a wedding, so we ddint ask!
curiousgeorge
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Re: Asking Parents about $$$
I didnt want to even ask my parents or his. We are just paying for it on our own. If they want to give us a nice gift that is up to them. But I dont want to take my parents money inless its offered. I feel bad asking.
