Bachelorette Party confusion

Ok so almost 2 years ago I told my bridal party that I wanted to go away for my Bach Party! They were all for it until they all got engaged. Their weddings are in April, June, and October (mines in Sept and the Bach Party is in August). Well I went to the Bach Party for the girl in April. My logic is 1. I had the money so no problem because it was cheap and 2. Just because she isn't coming to mine and not fulfilling her bridal party 'duty' doesn't mean that I have to be a bad bridesmaid.

The girl from April said she's actually going to try to come to my Bach Party but she won't know for a couple of weeks. So now the wedding in June is coming up. Her MOH is the WORST! Long story short we're told for 1 NIGHT it's going to cost us $250 for room, dinner, and cover fee for the club in AC. That's 1 night! Now, for air and hotel the most it's going to cost my girls is $400 for 3 nights in Florida at the Hard Rock. Is it wrong for me to be a little upset that she expects me to pay $250 for 1 night when I just had to pay $1100 to fix my car and I'm paying for a wedding a couple months after hers? Her wedding is 2 months before my Bachelorette Party and the one in April is 4 months before my Bach Party. They are the type to not want to leave their FH's and make excuses on why they can't do anything without them or leave them for a weekend.

Now, do you think I'm a bad friend (and bridesmaid) if I don't go to my friends Bachelorette Party? I mean I want to go and I planned on going but money is REALLY tight and FH is going to KILL me if I tell him one more time he has to pay rent alone because I can't afford it this month with all the stuff I have to pay for with my friends wedding! UGH! I don't know what to do?!?!?!?

ETA: Sorry for the long vent!

---

Posted by AngnShaun

i wish i had advice for you... but i really dont... my sister had a situation with her friends... 4 of them got married from May to August and we did a joint bachelorette for all 4 of them... to avoid this type of thing...

---

i was about to suggest this plan....

any way to make a joint bach party>?

Ugh - I'm having similar issues. I've spent HUNDREDS on others bach parties, and they can't spend anything on mine.

Can you go to AC but not stay over? (that's what some of my girls are doing to save $$)

I see how you don't want to spend the $$, especially if they aren't going to reciprocate, but I always say to kill w/ kindness, so at least they can't be like 'oh well she didn't even come to my bach party!'

is the bride going to the AC trip paying her way? if everyone is paying their own way (including the brides) than its ok..i think

anyway to find something for your bparty thats around the same price?

Honestly? I wouldn't expect to spend less than at least $200 for a one-night b-party anywhere in NY......I've never spent less than that.

Now that's awesome that it'll only cost $400 for a 3-day weekend, but I assume that just flights and hotels. What about food? Drinks? That could easily turn out to be a $600 weekend.

Just throwing it out there....

I understand being upset that they're giving you issues, but as a bride yourself you know how tough it is to spend that much money right before your wedding.

Is it $250 total for AC? That isn't too bad....I'd doing my MOH's bachelorette in AC in August and expecting its going to run a lot more...

One thing to consider is regardless of money, getting away to FL for 3 days might be difficult. I'd almost rather pay more for just 1 night somewhere local than fly somewhere with all this wedding crap I have.

I don't think anyone can think you are a bad friend for not going to her bachelorette if its because of money. I don't think its required for bridal party to go to bachelorette party if its going to put a financial hardship on them.

idk...i feel like depsite the fact that yours is longer, its still more money-so what if hers is only for 1 night..its still her bparty you know?

plus, how could you say that you don't have the money for hers, and then expect her to go to yours?

I tried to combine them but they all want their own so that didn't work out.

Thank you girls! I understand what all of you are saying but at the same time it still doesn't seem right to me. I think when you agree to be in a bridal party you should expect that it's going to be expensive. I told everyone BEFORE we got engaged that I wanted to do a Bach Party going away. I have 3 other Bach Parties this year and we're all going to AC. My friend's Bach Party was $130 for the WEEKEND so I guess $250 for one night doesn't make any sense to me. That doesn't include, breakfast for 2 days, lunch for 2 days, gambling money, spending money and it's AT LEAST 250 which doesn't make sense to me.

Yes, how can I expect for her to afford mine, when I can't affod hers, HOWEVER my wedding is still being paid for when hers is going on and her wedding will be paid off by the time mine comes around so that's completely different.

I'm guess I'm just upset that I invited 19-20 people to my Bach Party and only my sisters and my FSIL are going. I would have thought that 2 years notice would have been enough time for people to try and even make an effort. People were saying they couldn't go (including the April and June brides) before they even knew a price.

Their weddings will be over by the time my Bach party rolls around and mine is costing AT THE MOST $400 for flight and hotel but we should be getting comps for the rooms so it should be down to about $200-$250 for 4 DAYS. That's what we're paying to go to AC for 1 day. Yes it doesn't include food and going out but I'm not a going out type of girl. I just want a SICK pool, heat, and the atmosphere that the Hard Rock has to offer. I guess I expect too much from people I thought that cared (my friends and family)

---

Posted by Lsorrent

Honestly? I wouldn't expect to spend less than at least $200 for a one-night b-party anywhere in NY......I've never spent less than that.

Now that's awesome that it'll only cost $400 for a 3-day weekend, but I assume that just flights and hotels. What about food? Drinks? That could easily turn out to be a $600 weekend.

Just throwing it out there....

I understand being upset that they're giving you issues, but as a bride yourself you know how tough it is to spend that much money right before your wedding.

---

ITA, you cant expect the others to spend 400 and think thats ok just because youre getting more for your money, they still have to spend it regardless and im sure they all other things going on as well. sorry jmho, i think you should go 250 is actually reallllllly good for night in AC, rooms are expensive there

---

Posted by ourwedding9510

Thank you girls! I understand what all of you are saying but at the same time it still doesn't seem right to me. I think when you agree to be in a bridal party you should expect that it's going to be expensive. I told everyone BEFORE we got engaged that I wanted to do a Bach Party going away. I have 3 other Bach Parties this year and we're all going to AC. My friend's Bach Party was $130 for the WEEKEND so I guess $250 for one night doesn't make any sense to me. That doesn't include, breakfast for 2 days, lunch for 2 days, gambling money, spending money and it's AT LEAST 250 which doesn't make sense to me.

Yes, how can I expect for her to afford mine, when I can't affod hers, HOWEVER my wedding is still being paid for when hers is going on and her wedding will be paid off by the time mine comes around so that's completely different.

I'm guess I'm just upset that I invited 19-20 people to my Bach Party and only my sisters and my FSIL are going. I would have thought that 2 years notice would have been enough time for people to try and even make an effort. People were saying they couldn't go (including the April and June brides) before they even knew a price.

Their weddings will be over by the time my Bach party rolls around and mine is costing AT THE MOST $400 for flight and hotel but we should be getting comps for the rooms so it should be down to about $200-$250 for 4 DAYS. That's what we're paying to go to AC for 1 day. Yes it doesn't include food and going out but I'm not a going out type of girl. I just want a SICK pool, heat, and the atmosphere that the Hard Rock has to offer. I guess I expect too much from people I thought that cared (my friends and family)

---

I completely understand why you're upset - especially since you told them 2 years ago. I'm sure even with notice, things came up and now they can't afford to go. It depends what you want to do - either go away with just your sisters and FSIL or maybe do something else so that everybody else can go.

Sorry that you're dealing with this!!!